Despite the fact I had a 3-day weekend full of visits with good friends, a couple dinners out, work on and in the house, and even a movie on Friday night – I am feeling pretty low this morning as I shrug off the freezing from yet another dentist appointment and try not to get myself too worked up about family stuff.
Again, my blog is not where I talk about this stuff – but it was a rough weekend on the family front and I’m feeling pretty sad about some of the outcomes. Having said that (and the reason I don’t want to write about it), the outcomes are continuing to shift and nothing has settled yet. So I’m hoping that everyone does their own process to cope in the meantime, and I’m attempting to do the same.
Posting here will resume this week…..
I
can tell from the polls that most Canadians aren’t paying attention to the ethical breaches of the current federal government – the In-and-Out scandal, the Bev Oda affair, the Law-and-Order obfuscation and the criminal assistant to the Prime Minister – but they probably will be next week as either the contempt of parliament charges or the budget are sure to trigger a non-confidence motion that will bring down the government and set us up for another election.
If this is unintelligible to you Americans who read this blog, don’t worry, because most Canadians couldn’t explain the parliamentary system either.
Now, I greatly dislike the Harper government – they are egomaniacal and anti-democratic, controlling and manipulating, and not interested in consensus building (a little like the governors in Wisconsin and Michigan I understand). But I’m not particularly in favour of another election in which the Conservatives end up in the same place with every other party bankrupted. After 3 elections in the past six years, not only are Canadians sick of the whole thing (and turning out in increasingly smaller numbers), but the other political parties are being bankrupted in the process. If there is to be an election, hopefully this time the opposition parties get it and act as an unofficial coalition upon entering the new parliament… you know, actually blocking the attacks on working people through united efforts? Ensuring that more corporate tax breaks aren’t made while everyone else struggles? Stopping the assault on federal workers who have their basic human rights taken away by this government?
Anyhow – this is an older article – but if anyone has any doubts about the megalomania of Stephen Harper, they should feast their eyes on this little exposition of the Harper shrine. You do know that if this country ever really did become “Harper’s Government” we’d probably be subjected to his portrait printed on our currency as well. I shudder at the thought, as I’m sure most of our non-voting population does as well. What’s it going to take to get people out against the corruption and demagoguery? (Besides a winning leader on the other side which we just don’t have).
*sigh*
I don’t know if the below letter making the rounds from Sendai is for real, but it brings to mind the work of Rebecca Solnit, in particular her book A Paradise Built In Hell which chronicles a history of disaster and the ability of communities to not only rise above them, but to thrive from them. Her point being that the world in which we live does not stimulate us, does not make us worthy of our talents – and that when called upon, we can be truly remarkable in our heroism and our strengths. This theme is echoed even in Gone with the Wind (which I just read) wherein the old men going off to fight in the civil war do not flinch because they are once again being made useful, even though they face death in being made use of.
Another of Solnit’s points is one of preparedness – and not of the stockpiling food kind, but of the do-you-know-your-neighbours kind. Because – as she rightly points out – there are both positive and negative responses to disaster (think Hurricane Katrina) and these are going to engender different levels of distress among those affected. As much as the letter below makes for the best-case scenario in the event of catastrophe, there are likely worst-case scenarios happening in Japan right now as well (including the government’s apparent refusal to level with the public about the actual level of nuclear threat).
In any case, what really bears remembering is that humans can be strong, amazing, and beautiful – and that while we do not control life, we do control how we live.
Hello My Lovely Family and Friends,
First I want to thank you so very much for your concern for me. I am very touched. I also wish to apologize for a generic message to you all. But it seems the best way at the moment to get my message to you.
Things here in Sendai have been rather surreal. But I am very blessed to have wonderful friends who are helping me a lot. Since my shack is even more worthy of that name, I am now staying at a friend’s home. We share supplies like water, food and a kerosene heater. We sleep lined up in one room, eat by candlelight, share stories. It is warm, friendly, and beautiful.
During the day we help each other clean up the mess in our homes. People sit in their cars, looking at news on their navigation screens, or line up to get drinking water when a source is open. If someone has water running in their home, they put out sign so people can come to fill up their jugs and buckets
Utterly amazingly where I am there has been no looting, no pushing in lines. People leave their front door open, as it is safer when an earthquake strikes. People keep saying, “Oh, this is how it used to be in the old days when everyone helped one another.”
Quakes keep coming. Last night they struck about every 15 minutes. Sirens are constant and helicopters pass overhead often.
We got water for a few hours in our homes last night, and now it is for half a day. Electricity came on this afternoon. Gas has not yet come on. But all of this is by area. Some people have these things, others do not.
No one has washed for several days. We feel grubby, but there are so much more important concerns than that for us now. I love this peeling away of non-essentials. Living fully on the level of instinct, of intuition, of caring, of what is needed for survival, not just of me, but of the entire group.
There are strange parallel universes happening. Houses a mess in some places, yet then a house with futons or laundry out drying in the sun. People lining up for water and food, and yet a few people out walking their dogs. All happening at the same time.
Other unexpected touches of beauty are first, the silence at night. No cars. No one out on the streets. And the heavens at night are scattered with stars. I usually can see about two, but now the whole sky is filled.
The mountains are Sendai are solid and with the crisp air we can see them silhouetted against the sky magnificently.
And the Japanese themselves are so wonderful. I come back to my shack to check on it each day, now to send this e-mail since the electricity is on, and I find food and water left in my entranceway. I have no idea from whom, but it is there. Old men in green hats go from door to door checking to see if everyone is OK. People talk to complete strangers asking if they need help. I see no signs of fear. Resignation, yes, but fear or panic, no.
They tell us we can expect aftershocks, and even other major quakes, for another month or more. And we are getting constant tremors, rolls, shaking, rumbling. I am blessed in that I live in a part of Sendai that is a bit elevated, a bit more solid than other parts. So, so far this area is better off than others. Last night my friend’s husband came in from the country, bringing food and water. Blessed again.
Somehow at this time I realize from direct experience that there is indeed an enormous Cosmic evolutionary step that is occurring all over the world right at this moment. And somehow as I experience the events happening now in Japan, I can feel my heart opening very wide. My brother asked me if I felt so small because of all that is happening. I don’t. Rather, I feel as part of something happening that much larger than myself. This wave of birthing (worldwide) is hard, and yet magnificent.
Thank you again for your care and Love of me, With Love in return to you all,
How can it be it that no matter how competent, adult, removed from the childhood home, and successful we are in our lives – that family conflict turns us back into an abandoned three-year old? That differential sibling treatment thirty years ago still matters? That even our most rational minds are over-ridden by feelings of inadequacy and the impotent anger of a child?
Such are the intense characteristics of a particular drama unfolding in my family right now. And I’m reminded that no matter how much I think I’ve got control over my emotional life, there are certain kinds of family conflicts that completely undo that mastery of myself. Reminding me of course that I’ve still got a lot of work to do!
And so I’m setting an intention here: As hard as it might be, I’m going to make my focus compassion for the next few days and see if that helps me to calm down any. Compassion for everyone involved, including myself – which is so hard because I’d much rather hang onto this self-justifying anger than let it go….. But I know in the long run what the right option is.
It’s only Tuesday, but so far this week has not been going well. Without getting into specifics – let’s just say I’m thinking a lot about borderline personality disorder and antisocial personality disorder this morning. And about how there’s very little to be done about such personality types once they thread their way into one’s personal sphere.
I’ve known a few “sociopaths” in my life as most of us have. They comprise 3-4% of the population after all – blending in wherever they can in order to survive. If I believed in the concept of the soul, I would describe these as people who lack them – lack any moral compass, compassion for other people, or regret for their manipulative/destructive behaviour. On another completely unscientific note, I would also argue that you can see it in their eyes. Eyes that simultaneously carry an intensity but lack spark and connection (connecting superficially without connecting emotionally – something I’ve frequently observed in politicians as well).
They are good fakers for awhile when you first meet them – of course, they need acceptance before the manipulation begins – but like all people who wear masks, that outward facing personality slips after awhile. Which might explain why the worst sociopaths tend to move often, or have lifestyles that involve traveling for work or cultural pursuits. Once they stick around for awhile the lies and deceits have a tendency to catch up and undermine whatever it is the individual is trying to attain.
I have a hard time with the pop-psychology of labeling we tend towards in our society – and so in the beginning I tried to reserve judgement and see all sides of this situation unfolding in front of me. But the continuing rages, blaming and lying aimed at people I love have got me back to square one and trying to figure out why. Which is the problem when dealing with personality disorders unfortunately – the unbridgeable gulf between the human emotional range we call normal and the world of the disordered mind. Those of us with empathic responses attempt to understand, while those with personality disorders work to obfuscate and hide.
Unfortunately, I have little control over this situation and find myself just waiting to see what unfolds over the next little while. Perhaps one day I’ll be able to write more candidly about this – but for the time being, any warm thoughts this way are appreciated.