Red Cedar

As noted in my last post, I’m on a ferry this morning – heading to my in-laws for the night. Back tomorrow, returning to the island Saturday. This is the stupidest Christmas traveling schedule ever. But we do what we can for family, right?

The ferry ride is germane to the reverb prompt this morning – which is travel about travel in the last year, and in the year to come. Specifically it asks “How did you travel in 2010”? To which the shortest answer is CHEAP.

Cheap because we bought a house 18 months ago and our mortgage pretty much demands all our cash above basic living expenses – there isn’t any room inside of that for overseas junkets or resort holidays – though I’m not sure we would spend our money that way even if we could. In 2010, we had several fabulous holiday road and camping trips – to Cathedral Lakes Provincial Park, to the Rockies, to the Island for overnight bed and breakfasts – none of which cost more than gas, camping fees, and the occasional motel.

Of course, there was other travel for me in 2010, all union and work related which I don’t feel much like writing about here except to say that in 2011, I am planning none of this.

At the moment 2011 looks similarly cheap except that we will be using our Aeroplan points to make a couple US trips happen without having to spend crazy amounts on airfare. Our current plan involves Death Valley, California in April with some friends for a camping journey (we will either drive down, or fly to LA and drive up with my friend Aaron) and New York City in October (again we will use points for our flights and stay with family in the city to keep costs low). Other than that – places up for summer holiday discussion include Flores Island, Cathedral Lakes, a different Rockies excursion, or some other fabulous outdoor adventure that involves a drive and some many days spent in the woods after that. Other than the NYC trip, this year is going to be another camping year which is apropos of most of my travel in the past decade. It’s what fuels me through the wet coast winters really – the coming spring/summer/fall adventures in this incredible place that I live.

I’ve got a bit of a headache today and I’m on a ferry to Fanny Bay, so I’m not feeling particularly cogent. The ferry is full, it’s loud in the cafe, and I forgot to bring my headphones to block out the frantic children noises. Complaint. Complaint. Have I mentioned recently that Christmas is really not my time of year?

I missed writing yesterday because I got absorbed in finishing a quilt top that I started last summer (which can be seen here) and I couldn’t focus on anything else until it was done. I tend to be like that with projects — they can languish forever if I’m unsure about the outcome, but when I have the final vision in my head I can’t stop thinking about it until it’s finished. The quilting part comes next, but I’m going to hold off on that until I get a new sewing machine that can handle the quilting process better. While I *can* quilt on my machine, it’s a pretty low-end job and far more frustrating than it needs to be.

So the prompt yesterday encouraged me to project five years into the future and write a letter to myself right now. As noted above, I’m not at my most eloquent this morning and so I’m not going to force some flowery, compassionate letter out of myself. Instead, I’ve written a series of post-it notes/reminders from the future which follows:

• Don’t flail on this master’s degree thing. It’s worth getting the application in because you’ll be done by the time you write this note. Time passes whether you do the degree or not – you’ll be older at the end either way.
• Going to the gym every day is totally worthwhile, and yes, your metabolism does in fact change once you move into your forties. Don’t take these pre-menopause years for granted.
• You are totally going to make it through your step-daughter’s teenage years with your relationship intact. Trick being humour, and lots of love-affirming behaviour all around.
• It’s lucky that you met your great love, but in a life as busy as yours it’s easy to skip making time to tend that. Don’t get too busy/harried/tired for sex!
• Now that you’ve given up some of your union commitments, there will be so many other things to fill your life with. Don’t overcommit to any project right away, give yourself time to spend time with your family, garden, sew and relax for awhile. School is going to start in the fall, and that’s plenty of extra work!
• And finally, don’t be so hard on yourself. Life progresses imperfectly for all humans, and you aren’t making it any easier when you beat yourself up all the time. Laugh more. Worry less. Take more impromptu road trips and don’t worry if you forget the extra pair of underwear. This life is not as long as it felt at twenty, but forty-three it will be that much more brief.

I hate the shoulda, woulda, coulda line of thinking that pecks away inside of us like a drinking bird from hell. Dipping over and over into the glass of self-confidence. Peck, peck, peck.

A laboured metaphor perhaps – but since the prompt today asks what I should have done in 2010, I will honestly say that the only answer to that for me is – “In 2010 I should have gotten out of debt.” And I say that, not because I have a huge amount of debt (we’re talking under $5000 not counting the mortgage)…. but because I really want to get to a place in my life where I have absolutely *no* debt.

Now, if I had be stricter with myself I coulda (there it is again) had no debt by now. But I wasn’t. I ate out, bought clothes and shoes, and a new (2nd hand) vehicle. Built the studio out back because money came in from the Sunshine Coast house to do so (and then we ran a bit over budget and I went into a little more debt to finish).

So, that’s that. I didn’t pay off my personal debt this year even though it was a goal I had – and that really just comes down to discipline and priorities. Will I pay it off next year? I am knocking it down bit by bit and there should also be some money coming in the form of cashed out severance which I may or may not decide to put towards the Visa and the line of credit. It will depend, of course on other financial considerations – so I’m not committing to anything right now. Just that I will keep paying down incrementally, try to keep my book and clothing purchases to a minimum, and continue towards the eventual goal of debt-free. It’s not feeling super imperative at the moment, I guess – even though I know it makes way more sense financially than paying interest – which is why it’s a woulda, coulda, shoulda and not something I actually got done.