hella week

Posted on December 17, 2004 by

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woah – hella week….. i have been working overtime like crazy in the run-up to this fisheries announcement made this morning….

and it is almost at a close – shook hands with the minister, posted the website – everyone is happy…. i am exhausted.

once i catch up on my sleep i will update for real.

paid to blog?

Posted on December 15, 2004 by

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[begin rant]
at the party in victoria on saturday the subject of my blog came up in conversation among a couple of friends who read it to stay in touch with where i am at. one of the people in the circle who i had just met asked me if i am paid to blog. paid to blog? what is that all about? i make money from the internet every day (i am an electronic communications advisor), but the idea of making money from the internet in the way the get-rich quick ads promise has never really appealed to me.

turns out that there is a whole crowd of people out there trying to make money on their blogs, using the blog as a way to attract people to their crappy get-rich-quick products they are selling via the internet. okay – so i’m slow – i guess this has been going on for ages and i just don’t pay very much attention.

the weird thing about the “make money from my blog” crowd is that largely, they contain the worst writing (poor content and grammar), are unimaginative as hell, and are often laid out so poorly as to be unreadable (or their banner ads clutter out the content). in addition to this, many of these people seem to suffer from the delusion that just for the sheer fact they blog, they should be paid by someone for it – like, who cares about your take on celebrity-life as read through people magazine and why should someone pay you to post it to the internet? and since you have displayed such amazingly poor judgement (or political opinion) why would i trust you to buy services or products off your blog?

i’m not saying i have the most amazing blog out there – but i also don’t expect remuneration for putting my personal thoughts out there. i’ve noticed that none of my favourite blogs do either…. *sigh* i guess as usual, the capitalist impulse begins to predominate and it’s a race to the lowest common denominator……

[/end rant]

really fucking normal

Posted on December 13, 2004 by

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sometimes the veneer of “really fucking normal” starts to wear a bit thin.

i seem to be having insomnia every sunday night, a precursor to re-entering the city for the week, and last night was no exception. awoke with a sense of forewarning i would like to chalk up to a sleep-deprived edginess that made me nervous in my darkened house as i got ready for the day.

stayed late in the city tonight as i had to go the public library to pick up a cartload of books i put on hold for the ecopsychology essay i’m hoping to get started on shortly. there is something about december in the city that always makes me just a little bit more hopeless with each passing season – the worn patina that washes over the urban, flaking like gold-plating from the cheap metal below.

as i walked up the great pathway into the library, (for those of you who don’t know vancouver – it was designed to look like a massive roman colosseum), i was seized with an almost overwhelming desire to stand on the stone steps and rant nonsensically at passers-by – about our nature as critters, as wild things -how cities are unnatural – how we don’t belong in these cages of concrete anymore than whales belong in tiny aquarium tanks performing tricks to get fed, or grizzly bears in limited enclosures poked at by human do-gooders on their way skiing for the day. i wanted to shake each person who walked by me and make them see – make them understand – make them confirm that it is not me who is crazy to hear those wild animals inside all of us, but our society for suppressing it.

but of course, i did no such thing, and like a normal person, which i am (so fucking normal) – entered the library, paid my fines and walked out with a stack of books on nature and the self. i went into a restaurant and ordered sushi, reached in the bag and pulled out a book at random, scanning it quickly for something that might be useful in that moment of self-subjugation.

this is the quote that came out at me as i leafed through the pages:

“If every individual had a better relationship to the animal within him, he would also set a higher value on life”
Carl Jung – from Civilization in Transition

exactly.

girlie pics

Posted on December 12, 2004 by

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went to the party in victoria – got three hours sleep on friday night and travelled back on the 1:00 ferry to tsawwassen – didn’t get on the langdale ferry until 5:30 – it’s a long trip when you have two ferries.

had a fun time, drank too much red wine and kissed a stranger (was being completely in the moment), left when the e everyone else took was kicking in full swing (not being much of a drug-taker anymore)…. woke up in the divey hotel i used to work in missing my lover something fierce.

took some photos of my oldest friends (though didn’t get one of my oldest friend who showed up completely unexpectedly). am thinking of extending my holiday trip to vancouver island to spend some time with these good folks….

click on for the girlie pics…..

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forcing a smile

Posted on December 10, 2004 by

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i received all my leave approvals from work yesterday – now it looks like after next week (when i am in the office every day) – i will be out of the office for most of the three weeks following. one week for union business, 3 days of the following week for holidays (am working 2 days), and one week for having my wisdom teeth removed at the beginning of january.

that means very little commuting for three whole weeks (union work is at-home work this time)! of course i will be travelling to the island for a few days of the holidays – and am having people here for new year’s eve and the days surrounding that – but there is a part of me wondering what it will be like to be mostly in the country for three weeks, and not in the city almost at all.

although i am still feeling crummy (ugly, unloved, tired….) i plan to go to vancouver island this afternoon with fraser to attend the 30th birthday of our beloved kyla and see many old friends. hopefully i will have some photos to post tomorrow when i return.

i decided to book a hotel room so i would be assured of not having to sleep in a noisy corner – and for some reason went with the odd choice of the cherry bank hotel. now – i worked at this hotel many years ago – in the restaurant, bar and at the hotel front desk. and from that experience – i *know* it is a dive. however, it is cheap and since i worked there for almost two years, there is a part of me wondering just how divey it is to stay in.

am hoping the socializing this evening boosts my social energies – have been a little too reclusive of late. fraser seems hell-bent on having fun, and hell-bent on making me have fun – so that’s a good start anyhow.

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