Red Cedar

i’ve decided to leave the coast early today and spend a day in the city rather than allowing myself to wallow in solitary mourning any longer. i have spent the morning so far laying out the dozens of remembrances that have been posted at bob’s memorial site – and i will find a printer in the city to have those ready for the wake. reading the beautiful words of others has been simultaneously heartening and heart-wrenching but in all i am glad we provided that sharing space for people to gather their thoughts.

so i will be in vancouver tonight, going to vancouver island tomorrow afternoon and then in saanich and victoria until monday. anyone needing to reach me during this time can ring my cel as i will have that on me throughout. i am taking the laptop with me also so i’m hoping to keep up this journal in my absence.

take care in this most trying of seasons.

on my way to finish the christmas errands needing to be done before i see family, i drove up a logging road just north of gibsons to get a good, long, uninterrupted look at the mountains towering over howe sound – capped in snow and anchored deep below the water line.

on my way home, i drove down to the breakwater in roberts creek and walked out beyond the estuary to surround myself by the sea.

somewhere between those places is a solace found in an apparent stability that is really continuous change. that is where all our lives are lived, as fluid as the ocean, as solid as the mountain, as present as the air that sustains each breath…. if i stand here, in this space between earth and sky – is my thin layer of skin keeping the world out, or is it connecting the rest of me to everything else?

i am grateful for this fluidity, the thinness of my skin in the sun-soaked morning, the deep roots which bind me to my community. i am neither far away nor near – but always easily found – always ready for the next…..

i feel unable to move beyond this deep sorrow i am feeling over the loss of my friend bob although i know with time the sharpness of it will mellow and i will be able to have rememberances without shaking to fall apart.

the gathering in vancouver on saturday night was very heartening to me – to look around maryann’s house and see all of my favourite people from the social justice movement in vancouver – all the people who really matter to me – and know that we shared this moment not just because bob was special to all of us – but because we have been united in a common struggle.

there is a pride in knowing the calibre of people who are a part of this struggle, their love and humanity (and sometimes rage) in the face of a world that seems increasingly at odds with everything we work for. the death of one community member, especially one as influential as bob, is a reminder to appreciate what small moments we have together – is a reminder to me how important the people i love are to me and how lucky i am to have such a diversity of people in my life.

we (the resist collective) are going to get a blog up and running on resist for memories of bob to be posted on – since there are people who he impacted around the world who want a central place to share to – i will post the address here once we get it going.