Red Cedar
More apocalypse, less angst
does struggle work?
judging from today’s provincial government announcement, on the heels of two near-general strikes – i would say it does.
oh drama!
i think i may have to change where i sit on the ferry in the mornings. i’m sure you all remember remember the hunter from my previous blog posting? apparently even accepting one invitation to dinner has given him a sense of familiarity i am really uncomfortable with.
lately it has been a daily commentary on my clothing, my hair, my footwear – you name it – every day new comment. they aren’t particularly offensive (except the one time he inferred that a skirt i was wearing belonged on a teenage girl and not me), but i find that kind of attention to my clothing and appearance by anyone not only unusual, but somewhat humilitating. of course this doesn’t stop at the clothing comments, he seems to pay a lot of attention to what i am or am not doing and poke fun at it pretty much every day. it’s all framed in this very “teasing” tone, but it’s not fun to me and really getting on my nerves, particularly as he practically shouts across the ferry to talk to me, making his opinions about me quite public.
so this morning (in response to his inquiry about why i wasn’t wearing a skirt) i said “really, you don’t need to make comments on my appearance every day” to which he responded, “well, someone’s in a bad mood this morning”… errrrr….. what? i’m in a bad mood because i don’t feel like having a fashion discussion at 6 in the morning with someone i barely know and who’s giving off the creep vibe?
i had a whole ferry ride to think about this exchange as none of my friends were riding this morning and i was on my own.
the fact is, i don’t mind when someone makes the occasional comment here or there about some aspect of my appearance. a lover or a friend can tease me about a particular hairstyle or political opinion and i don’t get all offended about it. this is all part of the friendly and sometimes loving attention we give to each other; acknowledging that which is interesting or funny about those around us. but with the hunter, it just doesn’t feel that way. the impression that keeps coming to me is that the comments are a way of showing others around him that he has a familiarity with me enough to make continual observations in a loud and public fashion, and that he secretly thinks all women (myself being some sort of example) a little bit ridiculous or foolish.
but perhaps he thinks this is the way to show a woman he’s interested? is this really what some men are taught is appropriate?
in any case, i’m basically at the point where i want him to stop interacting with me at all if he can’t keep his distance and i’m thinking the easiest way to deal with it is to impede his ability to comment at me in the mornings by staying the hell away from him.
apparently this is a hazard of dating a fellow commuter (even once!) – lesson noted.
long silences
haven’t had much to say to the world this past week. everything is just fine in my corner but i’m going through a period of fairly intense soul-searching and it’s impeding my ability to communicate outside of myself.
for your viewing pleasure – i finished my quilt this weekend – and am i ever glad you can’t see how bad the sewing is on it via the internet. once again i have confirmed that i am better off as a musician than any type of visual artisan. but hell, it’s a quilt! and i made it!
i just don't feel like me sometimes
just a quick post that i am still in the country, but haven’t been posting as i have been apart from internet access for the last few days. i spent friday in chilliwack doing a hatchery tour, friday night high on mushroom tea, saturday afternoon until sunday afternoon on a foggy beach on the west coast of vancouver island, and sunday night in a bar.
it seems that coming back to one’s hometown should make them feel more like themselves, but i feel more disconnected with me here more than anywhere else i go. this isn’t necessarily a bad thing, but it puts me into an interesting headspace.
in any case, will be back on the sunshine coast tuesday night, back in the office wednesday and of course will post more then.
why i'm not going to mexico
okay – i’m having a super lame moment which i need to share with the world….
i was invited to fly to mexico with a close friend a couple of days ago – to which i initially responded “no” for a few reasons involving commitments to other people, and giving short notice at work (which i don’t like to do).
yesterday, he caught me online and proceeded to barrage me with reasons i should come (other good people coming along for the trip, kayaking in warm waters, vacation, sun, sand, mexico is good etc. etc.), – and so, i wavered. this is someone i enjoy spending time with a great deal, an old friend – which made it even more attractive – and slowly through last night and early this morning i managed to convince myself that not only could i ditch my original commitments – but i could stand the *long* flight in a very *small* (4-seat) plane.
but here’s the hitch – i thought long would be 1 very long day – but it turns out (from conversation this morning) that the ride to the southern baja tip would be 2 very long days. 2 very long days in a very small plane.
huh.
did i ever tell you the tale of my great uncle who went missing over wells grey park? never found him or his float plane. true story.
anyhow – it wasn’t so much fear of accident as fear of discomfort that won out the day here – being that i’ve never flown with this friend before and have rarely been in small aircraft (except on occassion with said missing uncle) – what if it was 2 days of abject misery, nausea and stress? defeats the purpose of the vacation really….
so there it is – i’m not going to mexico, and i’m officially not nearly as cool as i thought i was for a moment there.
*sigh*
(but i am going to vancouver island this weekend where i will see good friends and go camping and hang out – which i was originally really looking forward too – must re-orient…. )
Red Cedar 