Red Cedar

Somehow blogging becomes impossible when I am visiting family – it’s like there is never an hour or so alone, without people talking – or something like that. Since we got home from Christmas travels on the afternoon of New Year’s Eve, it’s been all cleaning and new year’s resolving around our place. That’s what the photo above is all about – the first task of the January Cure was to wash all the floors in the house which we completed on the weekend. Of course, washing the floors means moving furniture which means dusting, and sorting out piles of stuff that shouldn’t be on the floor in the first place – so we got a lot done in that first task, which is a great way to start the new year.

Also in the first days of 2016, we got rid of our liquor cabinet and bought a china cabinet that could hold both our recently-purchased china + alcohol (in the bottom):

And we’ve been for many frosty walks and there’s been some knitting:

So as far as starts to the year go, I’m feeling like 2016 isn’t bad so far and I’m hoping that by cleaning, walking, making, and planning – we’re setting ourselves up for the kind of year I would like to have: cozy, calm, productive, and intimate. And by intimate I mean, with strengthened relationships on all fronts.

I have some goals for the year which I’ve been thinking about while working through Year Compass (I’m all over the Internet games and productivity apps at the moment – I’ve also just joined Habitica to help me stay on top of the small daily goals also). What was particularly good about doing the Year Compass was a chance to look back over my daytimer from 2015 and note what kind of a year I had recorded. Overall, I noticed that there were *lots* of meditation events (three residential retreats in addition to lots of other meditation-related-activities) and not very many social ones. Also, I noticed that Brian and I spent quite a bit of time at the cabin, but didn’t make a lot of date time otherwise. While 2015 was a pretty good year for a few things, I can honestly say that I spent a lot of it feeling disconnected and without community – and it appears that this is quantifiable when I look at my calendar. I was pretty solo-focused in 2015, and as a result I felt more alone.

So when I had to envision what the next year looked like for me (Dream Big said the online form), this is what I wrote:

This next year will bring more of the things I love and cherish to the fore – including care for my own body and spirit. Together, Brian and I will spend more time hosting friends in our home, and doing things together. I will spend more time outside, snowshoeing, hiking, cycling to work. I will build routines around the gym and self-powered commuting. My social life will grow in ways that are healthy and I will learn to let go of petty jealousies. I will meditate most days first thing and deepen my commitment to my practice and my spiritual path. I will show up when I am required or requested. I will find a place at work that I can grow over the next few years and be confident about my contributions in the workplace and my career possibilities. I will love my husband openly and we will have more intimacies in our lives – planned for and included. I will learn to weave and spend more time sewing for myself and others. I will knit sweaters and socks. I will rearrange my garden and work on the cabin. I will spend less time online and more time outdoors.

My dreaming big, you see, is not about mad plans and escapes – but more presence and commitment to my real life. And as lofty as all this sounds, I’m using Habitica to break it down into manageable to-dos, habits, and daily activities – because I am all about concrete action.

So for this month I have a large task and a bunch of smaller ones, plus one escape to the cabin and some dinners with friends and family:

• Buy a bicycle and whatever gear I need to ride comfortably.
• Apply for a job that I may or may not be qualified for (I am halfway through the application process).
• Sew one new garment (I picked an easy one and should be able to finish it this week).
• Sew the baby quilt for my soon-to-be niece.
• Do the January Cure with Brian.
• Cabin weekend with Brian and snowshoes!
• Finish the Aspen legwarmers (pictured above).
• Start Brian’s new sweater.

Also this week I am starting an 8-week weaving class on Thursday nights (Langara, continuing ed) where I will learn how to use a loom and everything.

And so, as much as I know we don’t control what actually does happen, I am hopeful that 2016 will bring at least some of my plans, ideas, and creative projects to fruition. The same hope I have pretty much every year – and as always, I’m looking forward to seeing what this one actually brings!

I do not ask this question rhetorically, but as part of my thinking-outloud process: Is 2016 going to be my year of cycling?

I think it might be:

• Translink bus service in Vancouver is on a downhill ride to nowhere. Ever since the residents of Metro Van voted against a tax to support transit (boo!), we have been faced with service cut-backs and a halt to expansion that makes it pretty much impossible to rely on once you’re out of the downtown core. Witness the 135 at Nanaimo and Hastings in the morning – if I attempt to catch it, I may have to wait for up to 4 busses in order to get one that still has room. The #7 from Nanaimo Station to downtown often leaves stops early or doesn’t show up at all (both of these things have happened to me in the past two weeks, more than one time). I try to be zen about it – but I’m weary of transit dependence after the past few months of poor service.
• Busses and skytrains are germ factories in the wintertime. I’m pretty sure that 90% of the colds I get come from being crammed into close proximity with other people every day. Plus other people are super-annoying at close proximity. I am annoying to them also.
• I don’t mind walking to work, but I’m trying to also fit in meditation and start work earlier these days. Going back to walking would mean getting up at 4:30 which is not okay (I currently rise at 5).
• Commute stats for me door-to-door are:
  • Bus: 45 minutes (on a good day)
  • Walking: 70 minutes
  • Bike: 25 minutes.
• Cycling in downtown Vancouver feels way safer since the introduction of protected/separated bike lanes. Plus there are some great bike ways worth exploring like the Central Valley Greenway which connects Vancouver and New West.
• There are bike shops and repair companies in every single neighbourhood now, including mobile services! Fixing a flat is intimidating to me (at the moment) – and I appreciate that I can pay someone to help me with this.
• Being outside and exercise are two things I want more of in my life.
• Autonomous travel is awesome – but driving every day is gross and expensive.

Negatives to me are the following: Losing downtime that I get on the bus, hills and rain. Since I want to be successful at this riding thing (otherwise, why invest in the expense of a bike) – here’s my strategy for each:

Loss of downtime: I get a lot of knitting done on the bus. If I stop taking the bus I’ll have to take my lunch break to compensate for the lost knitting time. Also, cycling cuts my commute time in half so I have more time at home in the morning and evening.

Hills: I really hate hills. Probably the number one reason that I stopped riding to work a few years back is because on the way home I have to tackle the Adanac hill and I seriously hated it every time. Friends tell me that all I need is a better bike/more gears/ etc etc. I don’t actually believe that, I’ve ridden three different bikes previously and none of them made a difference to how hard that was for me. I am prepared, however, to keep an open mind on this. First I’m going to experiment by getting a new bicycle that is more suited to me than those I previously owned and I’m going to start riding as soon as I’m organized to do so in the new year. If I notice that hills are stopping me from riding and a super-miserable experience after a couple of months than I am fully prepared to look into purchasing this type of electric assist which seems to me the most versatile of the bunch.

Rain and cold weather: I’m not prepared to ride on frosty/icy days – that’s beyond my skill level – but since Vancouver gets very few of those in a year mostly what I have to focus on is rain. In previous bouts of riding to work, I was stubborn about not investing in rain gear for cycling. Instead I bought really good (expensive and waterproof) panniers which were a great investment, and then re-purposed camping clothing during inclement weather. For some things that totally works, but I’ve come to realize that I need a decent cycling jacket and some of those things that cover your shoes and keep the rain off them. Probably a pair of cycling tights that slough off water wouldn’t hurt either. Point being, I’ve got to invest in some purpose-built gear that isn’t flappy or baggy (like some of the camping rain pants are) – and that fits me properly. Also, cycling gloves. I hate it when my hands get all wet and slippery.

I suppose the biggest thing that I’m going to do to ensure riding success is purchase a brand new, properly fitted bicycle that is appropriate to the purpose of commuting and otherwise getting around town. While I’ve had some lovely bikes in the past, I have never once gotten one new and with the appropriate sized frame for me. Since I’m on the short-side, that means I’ve mostly ridden bikes that are too big and a bit precarious to get on/off. Also, I like the idea of a mixte frame because I’d like to be able to ride in a skirt from time to time- but I’m aware that might not be what I end up with. I want to get something that is not too heavy (30 pounds or under), and has fenders and the ability to put a pannier rack on the back. According to everyone I know, I also want something with a wide range of gears.

I think I’ll start my search at SideSaddle Bikes which is in my hood (close enough) and which I keep hearing good things about as a woman-focused bike shop, and I’m pretty committed to getting on this purchase as soon as the holidays are over so I can start riding early in the new year (I already know I can ride in good weather – let’s see if I can tough out the worst months).

I’ll let you know how it goes – the purchase, the gear, the beginnings of riding again. This is not my first foray into cycle-commuting of course – but it *is* my most serious. I’m hoping the cash outlay will keep me motivated long enough for it to become an actual habit that I enjoy!

On my way to work this morning I walked by the scene of something with many first responders standing by and a section of building entrance cordoned off – when I turned my head to look at the site, I noticed a body covered in a white sheet on the ground, about ten feet away from the sidewalk.  There was no blood or gore, no other indication that an accident had taken place, just a sheet draped over the form of a body, which could have been anything. You could walk by and not notice – it wasn’t overly dramatic except for the presence of an ambulance – but that body was there in the heart of downtown this morning.

It’s not the first time I’ve seen a body on my way to work, and the last time was *much* worse as a woman had just been hit by a coach-bus and was lying half-under it. She was not covered, and it was not clean. In comparison, this was much easier to take.

But still, I couldn’t help but think about fragility, and the lightness of our beings as I walked by. Of the presence of each and everyone of us, and how quickly that is extinguished – in an instant, on a cold morning, left in the dark.

Temporary though we may be, we hold each other warm in the palms of our hands. And so a whispered prayer for the person whose body lay on the pavement this morning. For the home that is found in dying, for a safe journey there.

And peace to each of you as we prepare for the renewal of the light.