Red Cedar

coming home from time off is always a blur…. i’ve been trying to get back to my sleep schedule, have been finding no time to blog, and work pressures have been making me a little stressed this week – but i’m getting through it and tomorrow is friday – so huzzah!

although i am plagued by the feeling i am “doing nothing” these days, looking at my calendar for the next few months i am quickly reminded that is not the case. i am trying to figure out where i can fit regular work-outs into my schedule as i have had a strong need to re-focus on my physical being in the last few weeks and i want to get my ankle stronger and the rest of me re-strengthened in preparation for a canoe trip i have planned for july (not to mention the rest of the summer’s hiking and kayaking and so forth). even though it has been a year and a half since i broke it, my ankle is still screwed up and my body-compensation has caused problems in my knee and hip as well – so i have made an appointment with a physiotherapist for next week to find out what i can do to start correcting it and strengthening things properly.

besides wanting to get back some sort of regular physical activity, i’ve got a number of things coming up in april and may including a regional union convention in vancouver, a flying folk army gig in seattle…. and possibly a trip to victoria at the end of march to visit some of my favourite friends. i have also been asked to speak at a colloquium being held in the memory of bob everton in may – about community-driven media and how resist! fits into that vision… i don’t think i’ve done a talk about radical communications in a long time, and i’m a bit nervous given that this was a topic so close to his heart and academic work….. this is something i actually have to prepare for.

i have also committed to start house-hunting next weekend (this one already being scheduled full)….. and am hoping to find something to buy before it gets too far into summer. okay – so scratch that part about feeling like i’m doing nothing – now that i’ve written it all out i’m overwhelmed with how much i have to do!

phew! thankfully there is plenty of relaxation and social time in my life too!

the days are definitely getting much longer now – by the time the ferry departs langdale in the morning the sun is in rising mode – and i can make it home before total darkness falls. pretty soon, it will be light late into the evening and early in the morning and i won’t feel like such a creature of gloom on my way to and from work….

perhaps this is making me hopeful – for i have started to think about buying a house again, have been pondering this question for the past few days and started making inquiries today – listings have started appearing given that the real estate “season” is almost upon us. i even spoke to a mortgage broker today over my lunch who informed me that yes, there is some hope in hell i can find someone to lend me money.

times of making big decisions (like sinking all my savings and expendable cash into a house) often make me wish i wasn’t single. although i love the selfish privilege of having things all my way, i wish there was someone i could share the burden with, so i wouldn’t always have to feel like i’m in this all by myself. of course, this latent desire is premised on some fantasy of a partner who would be at least as responsible about taking care of things as i am, something i have never been lucky enough to find (which of course does not mean that i have not been deeply in love, or deeply committed – i think i am too adept at taking care of myself however, and that doesn’t attract the type of man who might want to take care of me even just a little bit). anyhow, decisions like this make me both giddy and nervous – to the point that i am not even sure i want to start the process at all – what if i make the wrong choice? what if i hate it? what if an accident befalls me and i can’t make mortgage payments?

many many things to worry about! and all i have done is contact a mortgage broker….. who told me about “alternative” mortgaging for people like me (with bad credit that is)… and apparently i can get a mortgage at 7% interest (locked in for 3 years) or wait 6 months and see if my credit gets better and then i would get a fairer rate (4.75%).

so what i’ve decided to do is engage a real estate agent and start looking – keeping in mind that if i find the *right* place for me that i will just eat the higher interest rate for the time being – but that i don’t have to make any decisions right now. i’m actually thinking gibsons rather than roberts creek – it seems to get a lot more light and i could actually walk home from the ferry in the summer which would be nicer than driving (central gibsons is only 4 km from the terminal). plus, it’s waaay cheaper to buy houses in gibsons. i think all the rich people in roberts creek drive the regular folks’ property values up.

i’m thinking it’s time to stop paying someone else rent and put in a semi-permanent garden somewhere…. as long as it’s not going to cause me too much stress! this just seems so freaky to me – and it will likely mean reprioritizing things in my life (like school) – i think i will just take each moment as it comes and make my decisions accordingly.

yup – that’s right, i was quoted in an east-van monthly freebie as a “security specialist”. check out the article about resist! here. these comments were generated as part of an interview i did for someone’s academic research right before i left, and the researcher put together an article on security out of them…. which is really the point in so many ways.