Red Cedar

No – not me – I’m doing really good. But it seems that active distress in other people has been making a concerted effort to cross my path this week – and I’ve been in the right space to engage with it. I’ve had three encounters in the last two days (all strangers, two in-person and one via email) with individuals in some sort of profound state of upset or having quasi-suicidal impulses, and in each case I feel like I was able to meet the person at their level of need out of empathy rather than charity.

It’s been rather intense – particularly the encounter yesterday which was with a panhandler-hustler who I have spoken to briefly in the past at my bus stop where he comes to sell used tickets to make cash. For some reason, I’ve always liked this guy – he has a really open smile and he reminds me of a friend of mine who killed himself when I was 18 (they are both of the Cree nation, which makes for a bit of a resemblance I guess) – so when I see him I usually give him something – transit tickets or a bit of change or a cigarette, whatever seems appropriate.

Yesterday I saw him coming up the street towards the bus stop, with a grim look on his face – he was looking like he needed to hustle for some money, but just didn’t seem to have it in him to approach anyone. After looking around for a bit, he sat down near me on a planter behind the bus stop and put his head in his hands. We had nodded to each other when he sat down, but he was obviously not in an outgoing state. After a minute or so of watching him so obviously in an extreme state of distress, I went over to him and put my hand on his shoulder and started talking to him about how things were going for him…

It was so simple, really, even though I had trepidations about entering his physical space, once I was in there we could just talk. And he told me about his bad week, and how he got his black eye, and how he was walking around trying to convince himself not to end his own life…. And I told him that I understood all of that perfectly because the world is pretty hard on so many people, and that it was too bad that more people didn’t just reach out to each other on a regular and random basis. So it went on like that.

I missed my bus, so we could keep talking until he had come down a little, until he had decided that the best thing to do was go and find an AA meeting to go to (which I agreed seemed like a good place to go rather than the bar) and then we had a big hug and he went to go get something to eat before going to a meeting where he could get some support – and I got on the next bus, all quivering from his distressed energy…. but also feeling like by reaching outside of myself I had done the right thing, and had managed through a little intervention to shift the space somewhat. That’s pretty powerful.

It’s been an interesting week, and I’m wondering what it is I’m doing to attract this, or if it’s just that late summer is a hard time on people (it is for me!)

You know how sometimes you just get stuck on a song? Well – today I’m stuck on Thom Yorke’s Analyse – from his new album The Eraser. The whole album is pretty great, but that song keeps getting me back, I’m not exactly sure why…. very Radiohead though, and in that way somewhat soothing.

I am attending a self-care workshop this weekend and each participant has been asked to bring two pieces of music that have particular resonance for us – I’m not sure to what end – but it’s been an interesting question for me which two pieces to pick since I have been innundated by music my whole life, and over time have had many songs important to me.

In the end I have decided to go with Facades by Phillip Glass and Exit Music (For a Film) by Radiohead which both manifest in my body in a similar way when I listen to them – a rather freeing and exploratory thing. Not joyous, but existing in a space that makes me very calm and grateful. Interesting that both Glass and Radiohead are considered minimalists in their respective genres – as though the sparseness in melody opens up a space easy to step into and inhabit if only for a few minutes at a time. Other music is much more “crowding” in some respects and seem to “envelope” rather than free up space.

One of the recurring themes in my thinking about music lately has been the role of dissonance in minimalist music, and the myth of “harmony” in civilized society (primitive and tribal societies often create music rich in dissonance, something I think is really important in the context of organic rather than mechanized growth). I know – sounds kinda pretentious – but it’s not… and perhaps I will get around to writing about it here sometime.

Mostly I’ve just been thinking that I would like to get back to making music with other people – and soon I’ll be in a new town to do just that. Nice.

I found out this afternoon that I have a workspace waiting for me at the institute where I was hoping to work just outside of Victoria – which is the last major hurdle to working on the island, and one I was holding my breath over a little bit. The Information Management Director was good to his word, and has managed to get me co-located with his people over there – which means now it’s just the details that need to get worked out.

I bought him a decent bottle of red wine as a thank-you which seemed appropriate given how important this favour is to me (he was nicely surprised by that – bureaucrats don’t often buy each other thank-you gifts).

Because I don’t have much to say this afternoon beyond the fact I am feeling pretty damned good at the moment, I leave you with this strange picture my dad sent to me yesterday, drawn by a friend of his of a DFO boat he used to work on back in the sixties (the Comox Post). You will note the details in this photo, specifically the cutting knife attached to the front of the boat (used to kill basking sharks) and an actual likeness of a shark about to be cut. My co-workers thought this was quite good – definitely a weird fisheries thing.

This is my cousin who was shot on the weekend – the article is from the Albany-Herald in Oregon. It’s just another unfortunate occurrence in the lives of my extended family – with medical bills that no one can afford to pay.

Funds set up for woman’s medical care

Albany attorney Dustan Johnson has set up two bank accounts for donations to help with his daughter Cara Johnson’s medical care. Cara, 20, is in critical condition at a Eugene hospital after a gunshot incident over the weekend.

The two accounts are at US Bank and Key Bank. Anyone can deposit money at any branch of these banks by mentioning Cara’s name.

Cara is in the intensive care unit at Sacred Heart Medical Center, recovering from a rifle wound early Saturday morning. It occurred in a residence west of Eugene, according to the Lane County Sheriff’s office.

Johnson said Cara was showing some signs of improvement this morning.

Sheriff’s officials said it likely was an accidental shooting, but the investigation continues.

Democrat-Herald