Red Cedar

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I think I’m more fun when I drink coffee. I really do. Almost two weeks since I drank a cup and I feel pretty flat these days – but that might also be because I’m still in work/moving limbo (and yes, it’s driving me batty!) I’m hoping that the fact I’ve got a busy few weeks coming up will help to kickstart my energy a little bit – this weekend in Storm Bay, next weekend in Portland (visiting Darren for the first time since the arrest), and the next weekend after that in Victoria (looking for a place to live if all goes well). It’s likely I’ll be working in the interior for a few days in October as well….

I really need to get on this whole packing thing if I’m going to be on top of moving for November. Now that the fall rush is on, I’m really glad I took it a bit easy in August and didn’t go anywhere. At some point I’m going to have to book real holidays (taking a couple days off here and there isn’t really cutting it) – but that won’t happen until at least December the rate I’m going.

I just agreed to come into work Monday rather than working at home. I hope this buys me some good workplace Karma for going to Victoria.

Fred Eaglesmith has got me playing the guitar again – his new album has inspired me to learn a couple of his tunes, which I stretched my fingers sore on over the weekend. But it’s coming back (what little I ever knew) – and while I have no aspirations to guitar-greatness, I would like to learn enough songs to be a hit at parties, or at least keep myself accompanied on lonely nights when I feel like singing.

Had a close-to-home weekend that was slightly productive and even managed to join-in to a Resist! work party remotely rather than making the long trek to the city on Sunday. Been feeling a bit lazy lately when at home, despite the fact I’ve got a lot to do before I move (and no, I haven’t heard back about whether I can use the deskspace I was promised by a person who didn’t have the authority to promise it). Moving doesn’t feel quite real yet, perhaps because of this small set-back I am hesistant about committing my heart to anything.

I feel like that characterizes a lot of me right now – a bit hesitant in general – a bit afraid still in the middle of the ongoing green scare targeting people very close to me. I still haven’t quite recovered from December 7th enough to believe in the future. How odd really, when it hasn’t been me facing extensive jailtime, but Darren and others – that it’s left me this shook. Perhaps it’s just the exposition of unpredictability – the fissure left by an almost-forgotten landmine cracking the landscape of who we thought the other was.

So we’ll see. I’m trying hard to believe while at the same time reserving myself emotionally in case the outcome is not to my liking and I need to revise my plans.

The week in general is shaping up to be busy – I’m out of the office Thursday and Friday at union meetings which means I have today and tomorrow to get a week’s worth of work cleared. I may also go with Will and Winter up to Storm Bay this weekend (on the Sechelt Inlet) which would make for a nice fall trip before the rains set in.