Red Cedar

I think I’m more fun when I drink coffee. I really do. Almost two weeks since I drank a cup and I feel pretty flat these days – but that might also be because I’m still in work/moving limbo (and yes, it’s driving me batty!) I’m hoping that the fact I’ve got a busy few weeks coming up will help to kickstart my energy a little bit – this weekend in Storm Bay, next weekend in Portland (visiting Darren for the first time since the arrest), and the next weekend after that in Victoria (looking for a place to live if all goes well). It’s likely I’ll be working in the interior for a few days in October as well….

I really need to get on this whole packing thing if I’m going to be on top of moving for November. Now that the fall rush is on, I’m really glad I took it a bit easy in August and didn’t go anywhere. At some point I’m going to have to book real holidays (taking a couple days off here and there isn’t really cutting it) – but that won’t happen until at least December the rate I’m going.

I just agreed to come into work Monday rather than working at home. I hope this buys me some good workplace Karma for going to Victoria.

Fred Eaglesmith has got me playing the guitar again – his new album has inspired me to learn a couple of his tunes, which I stretched my fingers sore on over the weekend. But it’s coming back (what little I ever knew) – and while I have no aspirations to guitar-greatness, I would like to learn enough songs to be a hit at parties, or at least keep myself accompanied on lonely nights when I feel like singing.

Had a close-to-home weekend that was slightly productive and even managed to join-in to a Resist! work party remotely rather than making the long trek to the city on Sunday. Been feeling a bit lazy lately when at home, despite the fact I’ve got a lot to do before I move (and no, I haven’t heard back about whether I can use the deskspace I was promised by a person who didn’t have the authority to promise it). Moving doesn’t feel quite real yet, perhaps because of this small set-back I am hesistant about committing my heart to anything.

I feel like that characterizes a lot of me right now – a bit hesitant in general – a bit afraid still in the middle of the ongoing green scare targeting people very close to me. I still haven’t quite recovered from December 7th enough to believe in the future. How odd really, when it hasn’t been me facing extensive jailtime, but Darren and others – that it’s left me this shook. Perhaps it’s just the exposition of unpredictability – the fissure left by an almost-forgotten landmine cracking the landscape of who we thought the other was.

So we’ll see. I’m trying hard to believe while at the same time reserving myself emotionally in case the outcome is not to my liking and I need to revise my plans.

The week in general is shaping up to be busy – I’m out of the office Thursday and Friday at union meetings which means I have today and tomorrow to get a week’s worth of work cleared. I may also go with Will and Winter up to Storm Bay this weekend (on the Sechelt Inlet) which would make for a nice fall trip before the rains set in.

Cutting the caffeine is definitely having an intense effect on my body – exhausted, irritable, bloated and apathetic – Yuck! I’m tempted to go back to it if this doesn’t go away soon (oh yeah, right, it’s an addicition). I am falling asleep easier at night, however, which was the point of this self-torture (of course, the overall exhaustion from the caffeine withdrawal has diminished any positive effect of the increased sleep). I can hardly wait to start feeling “normal” again.

Got news yesterday that the move to the facility in Victoria is not a done deal yet and I’ve got to get permission from one more Director before it can be made official. I’m keeping my fingers crossed that it will still go through or I will have to revert to a plan b of sorts. I’m not overly stressed about it – but of course I want it all to work out in my favour! (In other news, I just found out I lost a union-election that just closed this week – not a huge deal, but it means that once I move to Victoria I will have to drop off my union’s regional council).

In any event – I’ve got roomates now and until I move. Will and Winter moved in on the weekend just in time for the start of the school year – which has definitely shifted the house dynamic for me (in a good way) – and Winter’s enrolled in the school up the street from the house.

Yup – it’s just life – this weekend will be one for resting and packing and doing those types of close-to-home things (there is also a Resist! gathering in Van on Sunday which I will attend if I feel up to it).

I quit coffee a few days ago and my brain has turned to mush. Who knew that the fluidity in my synapses was the morning cup of joe? I can barely spell right now – but i’m trusting this will pass soon. I am only cutting out the caffeine to see if it will ease my sleep somewhat as I have long suffered from an inability to fall asleep, even when really tired. We’ll see. In the meantime focusing will be difficult.

Have been listening to a ton of new music again lately and since I’m having a hard time thinking about anything else – I will leave you with my current list of listenings with some brief thoughts about them:

Joan Jeanrenaud – Metamorphosis (2002) – Joan Jeanrenaud built her career playing cello with the legendary Kronos Quartet, and left them in 1999 to pursue a different musical path. Metamorphosis is one of the avenues of expression she has walked during this time, and represents some incredible cello music and performance. One of the most interesting pieces on the album is Escalay by Hamaz El Din, an oud master from Sudan – the cello being played in the middle eastern tuning and with many of the finger flourishes found in oud music. Metamorphosis 4 by Philip Glass also shows up on this album, arranged for four celli and multi-tracked in a beautiful version of what is one of my favourite Glass pieces.

Zoe Keating – One Cello x 16: Natoma (2005) – I’m not exactly sure what has been going on with me and cello music lately, but Zoe Keating is also a solo cello performer who uses live-multi-tracking and experimental forms to create expressive and haunting musical landscapes. Her work is truly mesmerizing, something to put on the stereo or ipod and let enter you in harmonic waves as each layer of music builds on the next – incredible. I get all swoony and giddy when I listen to pieces like “Fern” – it’s almost like hitting the bottle, but feels so much better afterwards.

Bruce Brubaker – Glass Cage (2006) – Brubaker plays Philip Glass on solo piano – classic pieces such as Mad Rush and the Metamorphosis suite – done to justice and comforting to listen to. I found this album enveloped me the first time I listened to it and it is finding its way onto my ipod play at least once a day right now.

Thom Yorke – The Eraser (2006) – I wrote about this album the other day. Very Radiohead, Very awesome.

Fred Eaglesmith – Milly’s Cafe (2006) – Canadian country at its grittiest, Fred Eaglesmith delivers another perfect album about stealing and shooting and loving and crying. It’s all the way to Texas and back up to Mission – tunes you want to steal and make your own – singing them over and over again behind the wheel of your truck.

The Be Good Tanyas – Scattered Leaves (EP) (2006) – This would be the pre-release for their new album coming out October 10th (Hello Love). I haven’t had a chance to listen to these three songs much, but was left with the distinct impression that I wanted to hear the whole album these came off of! Beautiful voices as always, a bit smoother sounding – what you would expect from the Tanyas really.