Red Cedar
More apocalypse, less angst
Breasts are good.
In today’s edition of Salon magazine, writer Wendy Paris decries the “trend” of mannequins with larger bust sizes (and it is barely a trend – she’s seen these clothing-dolls in use in exactly two shops). At first I thought – oh, a trend towards larger bust-sizes? Perhaps I might actually find blouses that button up properly for the first time in my life…. But no, the article is little more than a weird rant about the ideal body and how women with larger breasts appear cheap, and slutty.
While posing as an outraged feminist, Paris says enlightened things like :
“[Mannequins] are supposed to be slim and lithe, aspirational, the plastic version of twiggy fashion models.”
and
“I hate the idea that a surgically achieved, über-chesty look is an ideal for anyone — beyond participants at an exotic dancer convention.”
Huh, love the idea that the twig-figure is “aspirational”, and anyone “über-chesty” is automatically surgically-enhanced and suited for little more than a career in stripping. (Even better is the title “Big Boobs for Dummies” – gee, thanks, I get the play on words… but I assume the writer figured I wouldn’t because my IQ somehow drained down into my bra).
Those of you who know me in person, get that I am a little defensive about the article as a busty girl (38-D… for the record), I developed big early and have been a D-cup for all of my adult life (doesn’t matter how much weight I lose, the tits stay the same size) – meaning that I often catch male co-workers staring at my chest during meetings, I can’t wear blouses that button-up, and cute bras are pretty much out of the question. Those are the only real downsides to bust-size in my case, as I have never suffered from back or neck pain, and overall am pretty well-proportioned.
It’s taken a long time for me to feel this way, that I don’t mind my body for what it is, and sometimes really enjoy its various “features”. Mostly I grew up feeling a bit freakish as boys in high school felt they had the right to grope me as they passed by in the stairwell, and I was accused of stuffing my bra by classmates. In college, I thought often of having reduction surgery in order to make my body more “normal”, before I learned with horror that one’s nipples are removed in the procedure (yes, they reattach them, but they often lose all sensation). Thankfully, I never acted on the whim to cut parts of my body off, as I’m sure I would have regretted it by now.
Perhaps it is my age, but I am finding it easier these days to accept and enjoy myself more – and far from being an embarrassment, I have learned over the years to flaunt my cleavage, and use it to my advantage (never thought the busty, flirty girl would be so smart didja?). Sound crazy? Perhaps, but the body can be flirty, fun, sexual and powerful all at once – and despite Wendy Paris’s assumptions, being overtly sexual and intelligent are not mutually exclusive. Boyish bodies may be “classier” and look better in fashion clothes, but those with curves got biological advantage. Bottom-line is having fun with whatever you got, and challenging the stereotypes that make us hate the women we are.
Tidbits from the Internet
An East Van fact – the traditional name for the area now called Grandview-Woodlands in the tongue of the Squamish Nation is XapXapay’ay or Xpey’elhp [hon’qo’mi’nom’] both of which refer to cedar trees. As one commentator on tribe noted, it is likely that East Van was a place where large cedars were stripped down for bark or carve them into canoes – close to the inlet and easy to haul down and launch there.
In fact, there used to be a canoe pass at high tide that followed the current train track line from the harbour to false creek. This was filled in for development, as was the marsh between Campbell and Maclean by the turn of the century.
Please support Jeremy.
My friend Jeremy Paster, a well-known (and loved) US activist and photographer is struggling to beat metastatic prostate cancer which he was diagnosed with early in 2006. Because he lives in the US, medical treatments are costing him some money and he is of course unable to work while undergoing intensive treatment. He has set up a photo website and in exchange for donations, he will send you prints of his photographs. Many of these photos were taken on human rights tours and eco-defense campaigns. Please check them out and consider making a donation to Jeremy now – http://www.jeremypaster.com
Private Journals – Colombia.
- Private Journal – Colombia July 2006 (pdf)
- Defending Public Services: From Canada to Colombia (July 2006)
I am making my private journal from Colombia available here for a few days, for those of you who are interested. When I returned in July, I typed up these entries, meaning to send them to a friend and then left them to languish in a text file. Today, I did some very cursory editing and threw a few illustrating photos in for good measure and am finally putting them in the mail! After reading through these pages, I decided that I like the raw-writing enough to share with those of you who are interested. For contrast I have also included my official trade union report here for downloading as well. I will remove this posting within two weeks as I don’t want it lingering on the Internet forever, so download away!
06 becomes 07.
It’s so totally quiet at work this week, that I’ve got a little extra time for blogging (not to mention cleaning – my office is tidy for the first time in months) and since the year is (mercifully) drawing to a close, I thought to post a few reflections here before I let go of what has been an interesting twelve months.
Starting with things that sucked this year – I think it goes without saying that the “green scare”, the sweeping arrests, and the imprisonment or fugitive state of some of my friends has been one of the bigger challenges I faced in 2006. I spent a good deal of early 2006 in a state of fear (how far would the FBI push those conspiracy charges anyway? were they serious about imprisoning Darren for life?), which then turned into outrage both with the US government and the US activist community (godammit, there’s just nothing left to like about that country), and finally sometime this fall I have achieved some form of acceptance. Not that I agree with it, but I now know that we will soldier our way through this and it’s just a matter of waiting until it’s done.
I got really depressed this year a couple of times, but although the depression was somewhat violent in terms of thoughts of self-harm, both bouts were relatively brief and related to things that were obvious to me. I think living in Gibsons wasn’t good for me during these times, and in the end I realized that moving back to the city was better for me in terms of my mental health and desire for community. A bit disappointing really, since I thought after buying a house I would stay there for awhile.
And of course, yet another relationship has ended in my life which never makes for a good end to the year, and I think I spent a lot of 2006 trying to figure out what exactly it is that I want anyhow – a partner? a lover? I’m not sure still, but I expect at some point something will happen that will make sense. At least my lover in 2006 was generally decent to me, and the sex was (admittedly) mind-blowing….
On the flip side, 2006 was this crazy successful year for me at work and in my union. Workwise, I have been on new projects, people seem to value my opinion on pretty much every aspect of my field of expertise, and I have an increasing amount of control over what I do and how it gets done. My position feels very secure and my pay is good and I’m pretty happy with my career-track at the moment. My union trajectory has been just as positive and my political life has been elevated to the national level within our structure which is a big deal to me – plus I got sent to Colombia to do union work which was surely one of the most rewarding political experiences I’ve had within the trade union movement thus far.
I have also had lots of amazing encounters with friends from all over in the past year. Particularly because of Darren’s situation, our allies and friends have been realized in powerful ways. Some of them have been there for him, some for me, and some for both of us – and those who have stuck by, donating money, sending letters, and phoning to check in – have restored my faith in the power of community (and by that I’m not referring to some abstract “activist” community, but a grounded community of friends who support each other). I have expressed gratitude so many times, but it still never feels like enough where some people are concerned.
And as part of that, I have self-affirmed my loyalty and commitment to the people I love, and have worked hard to honour that part of myself in the face of really scary things. That doesn’t mean I have been there for everyone this year, but those who most needed my attention got it, and I am not at all regretful of the time and energy I have put into supporting others in the past 12 months.
I have also come back into touch with people from my past recently, which has been really great, and I’m hoping somehow to weave my past and my present together a bit more over the coming months. I feel less than ever the need to run away, or the need to hide – and I realized too this year that the goal I most need to live up to is that of “free human” and nothing more or less than that.
I think even though I cried a lot in 2006, I got stronger too – and the drama of prisons, police, fbi-threats, media, tears and lawyers certainly made for a year that will become one of those defining me a decade from now. And for the record – I’m still not sorry, despite how much they want us to be.
And now I’m back in East Van just in time for 2007 and it feels like such a relief to have the year coming to a close, to have my new apartment that suits me so well all sorted out, to have the sentencing hearings drawing near, and to feel inspired to start creating again. Although I am only making one resolution for the new year (which is, sadly enough, to become better adept at handling my email flow so I don’t get inboxes thousands of messages big anymore) – I have some other goals in mind.
I really am feeling these days that the book(s) inside of me need to start coming out – and are beating at my tired brain almost daily (the number of chapters I have written in my head… oy… I can hardly hear myself think about anything else sometimes)…So whether I can find the discipline to continue what I’ve started is the part that remains for the new year. But besides writing, I just feel the need to let my creative self free again – play music, travel and take pictures – in between working and making my union work for me. On the whole it’s good to be almost 34 with the stability of all those years and lots of life still in front of me – I’m really curious about what’s going to happen next. Aren’t you?
Red Cedar 