Red Cedar

What is the sound of hotels? Ambient loneliness pumps through heating vents and air conditioning units. Drips down the inside of window panes steamed against the cold on the nights too frozen to venture out. To travel for work only makes these whispered rooms only seem more existentially empty, for there is no point besides sleeping in another town you have not chosen to be.

There are people who come to these rooms armed. With cans of Lysol to ward off the misdeeds of those who came before them. With their own bedding, so they can strip off the covers in an effort to avoid the DNA of another. With ear plugs and eye-blinds to replicate the darkness of their own rural home. All strategies for coping with the anonymity. The sense that you could slip away here and not be noticed missing until after your check out date. That unless the maid came across your blood-spattered body wedged under the bed, no one would know until the killer was long gone.

I have an anxiety about sleeping in rooms with two beds side to side, so much that I make a special request against it when booking. If ever I am to have a night terror, awaking to the glowing digital numbers drowning me in red insomnia, it is in a place with two beds. Reminding me of my singleness, my aloneness – in a room that sleeps four there is only me. And the only me doesn’t want to be reminded of those who were there before. Or those who might mysteriously appear in the next-door bed between midnight and three. A strange hump under the covers, or the unexpected flush of the toilet, light shining out from under the closed bathroom door.

I am not one prone to nightmares nor do I possess a fear of the dark. But the rattle of the air unit, the sound of those above and beside brushing their teeth, the muffled drone of multiple channels being watched at once, the strange clicks and scratches in the hallways at night. Each a small thing to skitter against my brain. A world set apart from the cities in which these hotels sit.

Yeesh. Work. Wow.

I’ll be glad when this week ends and my presentation in Ottawa has been delivered to all the right people. Then I can start on the next bit which my project manager says is up to me. Whatever part of the project I want to work on next. I’m so far impressing him, but I’m not sure about the higher-ups I meet with later this week. Part of my nervousness stems from that I don’t produce volumes of paper to justify everything – I just put forward proposals that make sense to me and if people go – wow, yes! Then it means I’ve hit on something useful.

Mostly that’s what happens. Making a hundred flow charts to show audience-subject relationships seems like a waste of time, and my brain has a natural tendency to index and categorize without writing it all down. That is, information architecture comes naturally when I’m given the freedom to design from scratch – like other creative processes. But there is another consultant on this project whose style is to produce reams of paper.. so I’m afraid of looking like a slacker (what do you mean you do most of your work in your head?)

But! On the plus side, there is a prototype to demonstrate for my aquatic species application which I’m excited about. I can’t remember the last time I worked on something for money that I was actually this tickled with and I can hardly wait to show y’all when we get it built a bit more.

And otherwise – it’s all been organizing for play 🙂 Next weekend is the Flying Folk Army party at my house – so if you didn’t get an email invite and want to come let me know and I’ll give you the info. Potluck, music, perhaps even a BBQ – and drinking. It’ll be great.

And then Anna’s babyshower the weekend following in Victoria (which I am assisting with from afar) – for which I finally sent out the e-invite for last night.

Once this week clears up I promise I’ll post about things other than work again!

Finally, I managed to go to Palestinian Cuisine which is just around the corner from my house at a time when it’s been open and wow, I’m happily impressed. Jasmyn, Kevin and I just ate a ton of food there including cabbage rolls, stuffed grape leaves, baba ganoush, lots of salad and a lentil/rice pilaf which were all super tasty and not too expensive (vegetarian entrees are $9.50). It’s vegan friendly (if that’s your thing) and owned by super-nice people. I’m just posting here because I want to encourage support for one of the few non-yuppified places in the Drive area. Located at Victoria and Grant, it’s worth a check out though I don’t know their hours. (They also do good coffee as they used to be a cafe only). I think I have a new favourite Saturday lunch spot.

I’ve got a largish television with a built-in VCR that I’m going to cart into the alley or post on Craigslist if no one wants it.

It measures 24X23 inches and is 20 inches deep. Please let me know before the end of this weekend if you want it, I will happily drop it off to you if you do and can’t pick it up. It works fine but I don’t want it in my house anymore.

Between getting back to work and coming down with a cold, this hasn’t been a really stellar writing week. And to top it off, my post yesterday was pretty much wrong 🙂 since the big APEC protest took place in *November* of 1997. My co-worker however heard some retrospective about it on CBC yesterday so who knows why they were running with a story like that two and a half months early…. Perhaps by the end of November I will have had a chance to come up with some sort of reflective piece. We’ll see. As I realized today (when my ex-husband posted to my facebook wall), I really have a crap memory for everything except the super-traumatic details of things. This is why I carry around a little notebook to jot down things so I can refer to them later. I’m afraid now I’ve started that habit it’s going to be with me for the rest of my life as I’m sure my memory won’t be getting better anytime soon.

Really, all I can remember about most Vancouver demonstrations is that it was raining. It was raining almost every time. And occasionally there was some scuffling. But mostly my dominant memories are of being wet and sometimes cold. How’s that for a Vancouver activist retrospective?

Yeah. See. Not exactly inspiration for the revolution is it?

So although I really should be taking a sick day because of this cold, I’m working from home instead because I’ve got a few key pieces to finish before I head to Ottawa next Wednesday. Once there, I’m giving a presentation on why my ideas are the greatest and why the department should adopt them right now and give our project the cash to see them through. Really. It’s all about me and my great ideas. And our programmer’s amazing ability to put together impressive prototypes in an instant. Go team!

I am actually enjoying the work I’m doing right now a great deal and yesterday I realized a big part of that is because I’ve got an awesome “boss” in Ottawa and am getting a lot of good feedback on my work for the first time in a couple of years. And I think there might be a chance to straighten out our web environment – a broken mess the entire time I’ve worked in my job (8 years and counting). Though sometimes it’s a little overwhelming to think of what comes between now and then, I just am keeping my eyes on the small goals that are right in front. It’s my project manager’s job to look at the big picture after all!

In other fronts I’m encouraging y’all who care to take some extra time and write to Darren and Chelsea over the next little while. They are both facing some personal challenges which I can’t detail here – but they could use some extra support right now. I’m sure by now they are both sick of hearing about my life in installments (though I do tell them some pretty sexy stuff) – and could use some loving from other folks too!

And speaking of sexy stuff…. Well. Hm. That’s right, we don’t post about that here. 😉 But apparently I am not the most unlovable girl in the world after all. I know, true self-esteem comes from loving oneself (thanks Dear Abby for drilling that one in at a young age). But a little desire demonstrated by others sure doesn’t hurt. In fact, it’s downright empowering in the right context. It’s not that I have much time for relationships at the moment, but it’s nice to know the possibility still exists. I forgot that this summer when I truncated my world into dealing with myself alone.

So I reiterate again, so glad that fall is here! And I did manage to get myself enrolled in a different French class (conversational only which is unfortunate but something) that starts in a couple of weeks. It should be an interesting few months with work, bargaining, french classes and a few other random social commitments on the calendar. Who says I have to sit with myself? I’d rather be interacting with the world 😉