Red Cedar

I don’t even know where to start with this post. It’s been so long since I last wrote and my head is crammed full of experience and exhaustion – I think it’s going to be a few posts of unwinding to get the whole story out. I haven’t even been writing in a journal lately, so it’s not as though I’ve got paper to refer to or copy from. It’s just been go, go, go and even though I’m here in my office once again I don’t quite have my legs about me yet.

To recap: I left for Ottawa last Monday for four days of collective bargaining meetings, returned to Vancouver Thursday night at 9:30, and then left for Salem on Friday morning at 6, stopping in Seattle to pick up a friend and arriving there by 4 in the afternoon. On Saturday and Sunday I drove to Sheridan and back (35 miles) in order to visit Darren at the FCI. For those of you not keeping track, this was the first time I had been able to have “contact” with Darren since I last saw him July 2005, and it was the first time since his arrest that we have been able to speak without being monitored over a phone line. I had two five-hour visits with him. On Sunday night, we drove home, stopping in Portland to pick up some belongings from a friend and made it back into Vancouver at 2:30 in the morning.

So right now I am feeling the cumulative effects of two air flights, a 3-hour time difference, 1500+ kilometres of driving, 10 hours of intensive talking, 2 years of held breath exhaled, and the scorn of prison guards at a major US Federal Pen. It’s kindof a lot. And I’m exhausted beyond words (my eyes aren’t tracking properly still; I have vertigo.)

But I do feel as though a great and difficult thing is behind me, and the regular nausea building over the last two weeks seems to have disappeared as of Sunday night. I take this as a good sign, though I recognize I have some recovery to do from the last few weeks of stress. Everything from now until Christmas is pretty routine – some work, some dating, some travel east and to the island – it all seems very easy compared to what I just did.

There is much to say, of course. And it will be said as I unfold from myself and lay flat my thoughts first in my own home and then on this blog. The short answer is – Darren is fine and is as good as could be expected. And I am grateful to my friend Michael who traveled with me and provided distraction, and to the universe for our smooth passage to and fro.

A few photos from the trip (it wasn’t much of a trip for photography) are available above by clicking on the picture.

Lately that I’ve been often surprised by the decency of people. Which should really be the other way around. How cynical have I become that I’m shocked when another shows good sense, compassion, or understanding? (Of course, I’m never shocked when my friends do because they are all so friggin fabulous).

I have stayed away from writing about my week at the end of August where a bunch of things became really clear to me… and I’m not going to start now except to say that one of the things I realized is the need to reconstruct some of who I am around my next phase as opposed to who I used to be. And because I am intensely social, that involves other people. Thus, if I am going to really write, I need to find myself a circle of other writers with whom to hang once and awhile. A regular writer’s circle, perhaps.

In Victoria I have friends who seriously write or are immersed in books in a professional way, and have realized what a pleasure that is, to be able to talk about writing and art with other people invested in it. But since I’m not moving back anytime soon (sometime, but not for at least a couple of years), I’ve decided that I need to find my way into a circle here. First, because I need active critique on an ongoing basis if I am to keep improving my work. And second, because I would like to find myself reading publicly at some point in the not so distant future. I haven’t done that in over a decade (playing my own music live replaced that) and with a little feedback and tightening of my work I’m pretty sure I’ll be in a place of sharing again.

So I’m putting it out there. I want to find or form a writer’s circle in East Van. This is not the only way I’m going about it, but I might as well make my intentions clear since this blog is read by a diverse group of localites from what I can tell. Let me know by way of comment or email if you are at all interested, or know of something that already exists.

Photos from Anna’s shower are now posted on my Flickr acct (click the image above to go there now.)

Now that I’ve got my camera back, I’m hoping to actually get some moments to take photos this weekend. And a bit of time for writing too. It’s just been one of those weeks where I haven’t had much time without lots to do.

I’m going to withhold writing in this space until I have something worthwhile to put here besides updates on how busy I am.