Red Cedar
More apocalypse, less angst
Briefly.
Lots going on in the last few days – a visit to Brian’s parents, some stresses with his ex, and now he’s moving upstairs into the suite she once occupied. A busy time for him, some emotional issues coming up for both of us given the circumstances – but everything is feeling pretty good and the new space is much nicer than than the one he’s been in for the last year. He’s managed to get renters downstairs who are moving in Thursday, and then we are off to a wedding of his friends for the weekend.
For my part I’ve weathered several small crises over the last few days (including Mica puking her guts out in the back seat of my car Saturday night from food poisoning), and am feeling pretty on top of it all. I have been pleased that my innate responses to things (like above crisis) seem to be for the most part appropriate – and a little more confident that yes, I can probably do this step-parenting thing.
And besides all of that I am still totally in love, overwhelmingly so this week. I won’t gush about it – but it just keeps getting better and better.
All of this of course is fodder for a longer post, which will come, but for now I’ve got a union consult to do and am not sure if I’ll be back at the blog today.
Transition.
Yesterday was a bit rough – hence no post. And today I am having a hard time thinking about anything except why yesterday was what it was – another bump in the transition that Brian and I are making together. A move to a more regularized partnership where we see each more days than not. A shift from being separate entities (him and his daughter, me on my own) to more “family” planning and time. And as much as we anticipated this period of adjustment, I can’t say that Brian and I have been all that understanding of each other in the last couple of weeks.
For my part I will say that there is a lot going on and I’m not sure which needs to be addressed first – but the issues for me include:
- Feeling increasing pressure around time – my life being a fairly busy one already, two more people means a lot less time for just me. I have twice run into situations recently where I asked Brian to wait for me and then couldn’t get out of union commitments to meet up with him.
- A sense of having “two against one” in decision making. Brian and Mica being a unit, I feel I potentially have less of a say in every interaction. Because Brian is also not used to a dynamic that includes his daughter and me I feel that I am scheduled around rather than with at times.
- Feeling like Brian always has the moral high ground because it’s his child and really I’m just a selfish person who wants her own needs met.
- General neurosis around my fitness to parent. Fears about the role his ex will continue to play in my life as the bio-mom (who of course has all sorts of rights in this situation that I don’t).
- A deep-held belief that any conflict between us spells the end of our relationship.
I would like to stress that all of the above are *my feelings* – and not necessarily the result of anything that Brian is doing or not doing. But in the process of bringing things together, a lot of my underlying issues around relationships, loss, security and attachment are being triggered. For his part Brian is frustrated with it, doing his best but at a loss around my emotional reactions – which I get, I have been surprising myself with the stuff that is coming up for me lately.
It seems though that we are very quick about getting back on track. We might argue for a short period, have a cry (or not), have a talk to resolve whatever the argument was about, and then go right back to planning the next outing or errand. Which is good on one hand, but on the other it means that our processing is always happening in the context of “making up”. One thing I realized yesterday is that it has been some time since we have sat down while in a positive frame of mind to discuss this transition and what the expectations we both might have for the fall will be. And I think it’s probably this lack of proactive communication that has lead to a series of small upsets.
I do recognize that partly this type of a shift is generally difficult for all people involved – and that a lot of my angst will work itself out as I feel a place as a part of a family with Brian and his daughter, and more secure overall in our ability to navigate conflict without things coming to a grinding halt. But I am also grateful that I have a partner who is willing to recognize these issues as they come up and work through them with me. I really am deeply in love with this person, and believe more than anything that he is the right partner for me – but we both come to the table with complex histories and stuff that needs to be worked on. I suppose that everyone does right?
Given all of that I am feeling pretty good today about this stuff and our ability to work on this communication gap before it becomes and ingrained an unhealthy pattern down the road. I’ve changed my trip to Nanaimo plans to go over tonight so I can spend the night with Brian at his parent’s house in Fanny Bay (will drive back down in the morning for a meeting and then spend Saturday back with him and his family). I’m not sure how better to show him that I want to be with him and resolve things than going there a day earlier than planned. And I’m sure he gets that.
Damn these relationships are sometimes hard work! I’d forgotten all about that part after the falling in love swoon. But I suppose it’s this stuff which actually brings us closer. More like a family and less like a fleeting affair. That is a big change after all.
Food Fabulosity.
Another installment in the “I’m-so-into-being-home-and-cooking,” series of posts. This would make three in under a month. And with pictures too!
This past weekend was one of the only times all summer that Brian and I were both in town on a Saturday night which meant that if we were going to have a bbq that we really didn’t have a choice about when that would happen. Of course we realized that two days before the weekend which meant our inviting was very last minute – and yet we still managed to rustle up 5 dinner guests who made for delightful company on whom to spring some unusual grill food.
The unofficial food theme ended up being – things on skewers – and besides the normal stuff (grilled veggies, grilled prawns, grilled tofu) I found two recipes I am going to share here with you – one for a “bruschetta skewer” and one for a “desert skewer”.
The Menu
Appetizer – Olives, Feta, Pita, Hummus, Bruschetta Skewers
Salad – Potato Salad & Green Salad with Grapefruit & Avocado
Veggies – Grilled onion, beet, pepper, zucchini, mushrooms etc doused liberally in herbed olive oil
Mains – Tofu, Prawns, stuff that people brought to grill
Desert – Fruit Skewers with Chocolate Espresso Sauce & Grilled Dates Stuffed with Chocolate
Bruschetta Skewers
Cherry Tomatos
Focacia Pieces (bite-size)
Bocconcini Pieces (bite-size)
Radicchio Leaves
Basil Leaves
Olive Oil
Balsamic Vinegar
How much you cut up of each of these things depends on how many skewers you want. For each skewer I used three of each – for a total of 8 skewers that was 24 pieces of each thing.
Put the skewers together by threading one cherry tomato, and one piece of foccacia onto your wooden skewer. Next, take a piece of bocconcini, wrap a basil leaf around it, and then wrap that in a radicchio leaf. Fold the radicchio around to make a little packet, ensuring that the closing seams overlap. Stick that on the skewer and make sure that the stick goes through the packet in such a way that the radicchio leaves are both held shut. If you don’t do this, the cheese will melt on your grill and make a mess. Brush your skewers in a mix of olive oil and balsamic vinegar – amounts to your preference.
Grill the skewers about two minute on each side with the lid of the grill shut. When these are finished the tomatos are warmed, and the cheese/radicchio packets should be a little melty. For such a strange bunch of items to skewer – they turned out awesome.
Chocolate-Date Skewers
Medjool Dates (15)
Chocolate Chips (8 tsp)
Walnuts (4 tbsp)
Walnut Oil (4 tsp)
Half Orange – Squeezed juice
These amounts can be adjusted to how many dates you want to make. Two dates per person seemed like plenty – these are really rich and decadent (particularly in light of the fruit and chocolate sauce we made as well).
Pit the dates, but do not cut them in half. Essentially you want to create a pocket where the pit was because you will be filling this with chocolate mix. Chop the chips and walnuts up together fairly small, mix with the oil and the orange juice. Then stuff the dates with the chocolate mixture.
Don’t stuff the dates too full because you don’t want the chocolate spilling out when it melts. Once you have stuffed them all, thread on a skewer end to end. These should be grilled on medium for about 2 minutes each side. Be warned – these will be very very hot when they come off because of the sugar in the dates. But you will try to eat them anyways because they are so darned tempting. It’s not just the chocolate date combination – it’s the fact the date skin gets just a little caramelized in the process making this a very warm, sweet combination. As good as this was, I didn’t take a picture because they aren’t that appetizing to look at.
Market up. Market down.
I’ve been walking to work for the last six weeks or so – most days, not all – a return to an old habit I have enjoyed periodically during my time in East Van. This year more than ever I am appreciative of the fact that my office is only a 45-minute walk from home. The weather has been perfect, my body is toning up little by little, and walking keeps me feeling more connected to the neighbourhood than I otherwise do. I start to notice trends about where I’m living again, what people are out and about at seven in the morning, how many more sleeping bags dot the city parks along my route. I see odd posters and commentary stenciled on surfaces; a conversation between one group of agitated locals and the community newspaper – each choosing a different mass media in which to make their case. It’s the neighbourhood, and walking through it every day makes me think about it more and more so.
One thing I’ve noticed lately is that real estate around Commercial Drive doesn’t seem to be moving very fast anymore. Not compared to two years ago when people were entering decrepit homes in Strathcona and the Drive waving fistfulls of cash and starting bidding wars with each other. These days it seems that houses are going up for sale and then sitting for weeks, and sometimes months no matter how cute and well kept they are. The places with real problems go through several price reductions and still sit unsold (which shouldn’t be happening if the land values were really holding their own).
And you know those refinished places that have been sprouting all over the neighbourhood? (The ones that start at $850,000 because the owners put a lot in expecting huge returns in a climbing market). Yeah. Turns out that wasn’t such a good idea after all.
It’s nice to finally see the ceiling on the market in our part of Vancouver. I’m not sure how true that trend holds elsewhere or if it’s just that our quadrant go so out of control that it could only end with a thudding halt. But end it seems to have – and I am crossing my fingers that the Olympics doesn’t go and fuck that up (though I’m not sure any international jet-setter will look at Vancouver in February and think “Hey! that’s where I want to invest in property.” It’s definitely our most miserable time of year).
In any case it makes me feel a little better than I was last year at this time when it began to feel that the only people who could ever live in my neighbourhood again would be rich, rich, rich! I’m hoping that the tide is turning. It will sure make development less attractive if it does.
Red Cedar 