Red Cedar

One of my neighbours has poems and artwork painted on her fence panels. The image/poem above seemed particularly appropriate to me this week – the growth and ebb of life’s events – always coming forward, always receding and so on.

This week has been a bit choppy, owing to the fact that I started out convinced I had a bone infection on Monday which necessitated a visit to the Doctor, the lab, and finally, the imaging clinic in Nanaimo on Wednesday. Upshot is no infection, but something is going on and I need to talk to my Doctor to find out whether the x-ray shows anything.

This is owing to an injury from eighteen years ago, when I broke my fibula while hiking the Juan de Fuca Marine Trail. It was a pretty serious spiral fracture and so it was fixed with a titanium plate and six screws. Over the years, I have occasionally felt a little ache there, not related to any particular activity or time of year – but it’s always gone away within a couple of days. This time the ache showed up and persisted for a few days before becoming really swollen in a new way and also made my ankle really inflexible. I suspect (and have suspected in the past) that as the bone has continued to grow and change over the years, that the titanium plate and/or screws have been moved around and that is likely causing the issue. My worry is that there could be deterioration of the bone in there, and that this will continue to cause problems in the future. Given the long waiting list to see specialists in this province, my hope is that I’ll get referred to an orthopedic doctor now with the hopes I can have it seen to before it creates a bigger problem in my senior years.

On the plus side, I went to a yarn store when I was in Nanaimo. It was the first time I have browsed in any store besides the grocery since the start of Corona-virus. I felt both guilty and excited and came away with $150 worth of yarn, which was a much-needed pick-up from feeling old and a bit limpy.

I took the whole week off from exercise (for the first time in a year an a half), and it’s probably a good time to think about re-setting some of my goals. The strength training feels right, but I’m not sure about the running or anything particularly jarring at the moment. I think instead I’ll be looking at more walking and cycling, at least until I get an opinion on what is going on.

On the work front my staffing process is now complete, people have been offered jobs (either made permanent or brought on new) and all of them have start dates before the end of April. This is the single-largest HR activity I have ever undertaken. Now I get to turn back to my project management work which will see new twists and turns as we move into a new fiscal year and the budget gets dropped (new priorities). My manager is also coming back next week after a year of family-related leave which will reshuffle the deck somewhat. With her return and the hiring activity we will have a fully staffed team for the first time in over two years.

I’ve decided to put a new tea towel warp on my smaller loom this week. This after being stalled out on weaving since sometime in the fall. I had prepared a very long warp for that loom (13 yards) but then got blocked about putting it on and so it’s sat for months. In the meantime, I need some new tea towels for my kitchen. Rather than remaining frozen with the giant project – I’m currently winding a warp for four towels which I can get on and off the loom quickly. After that, maybe, I will chance a 13-yard warp (so much can go wrong when putting on something that long). I’ve also been knitting a new shawl this week, and I’m plotting for some sewing in the very near future. Apparently taking a week off exercise has freed up my time for making things a bit – something I need to consider as I rebalance a bit going forward.

The latest issue of Comfort for the Apocalypse (#18) dropped this morning as per the last Friday of the month routine. This March mini-essay saw a major pivot mid-month due to the events of last week which made pulling everything together feel a bit more challenging than normal. On the plus side, I have a head start on the April mini-essay since it was half-written when I changed course. I am at the end of a three-month goal set at the first of the year – which was to reinvigorate my newsletter and get back on a regular schedule of delivery. It does help keep my writing in shape, but more than that, it helps me feel connected to the world on and off this island. I’ll be setting a similar intention for the next three months as I look at my quarterly planning this weekend – as well as some other creative goals for springtime.

Although I am still limping a little, my spirits are starting to lift as the weekend draws near. Looking at the spring blossoms right outside my window I am reminded of this haiku which draws on our hopes for this season of transition:

Try to plant
As for a child.
A little wild cherry tree.

I don’t really know what to say about this week except it’s been the saddest one of the whole last year. Between the loss of David Botten (a favourite island musician) to cancer, and the horrific accident which claimed the lives of Chris Straw and Marc Doré, our island has lost some of its most loved people overnight. Suddenly the emerging life of springtime, the sunny patches breaking through the clouds, feel cruel as we struggle to make sense of the new order of things. No longer can we expect to run into these folks on our errands. When Covid is over and we can mingle again, these people will not be among us to become reacquainted with at community events and yard parties. For those closer – the partners, children and grandchildren – this week has changed the shape of their days forever. And the rest of us reflect on the love that we have, selfishly perhaps. Hoping that we will never stand at the threshold of a similar tragedy that takes our closest ones from us.

There is so much more to say, but working my feelings out in writing takes some time, and so I will conclude my weekly update here with this loving kindness meditation and my sincerest wish for all of us suffering souls :

May you be happy
May you be healthy
May you be safe
May you live with ease

Spring continues to unfold around here. Daffodils, crocus, and the arrival of our bare-root fruit trees!

Last summer, Brian and I cleared a fairly large spot on one side of our property. It started when I recognized that the ocean spray (a beautiful native plant, also known as ironwood) had got out of hand to the degree that it was pushing the fence in front of our place over. Fences here are necessary to keeping the deer from destroying everything, so I began clipping and sawing and pulling. Pretty soon, Brian came to help me and he got really zealous about it. Turns out, he didn’t like the look of the overgrowth at the front of our place – and he really wanted some space for fruit trees. Within a week he had cleared it right to the ground. After that we got our machine guy to come and pull up the stumps and then we filled the whole thing with ten yards of garden soil which we supplemented by burying a bunch of guts and heads from the fish I processed at the end of summer.

We had hoped to plant trees in the fall, but I was a bit late to the party and got an order in for the spring. In the meantime I did plant some raspberries along the fence which are showing some signs of having rooted. There is already a single self-pollinating cherry tree on the boundary of this space, and by this weekend it will be joined by a couple of dwarf apples (gala and fuji), a multi-grafted plum and another cherry tree of a variety I can’t recall. We also took a gamble and ordered a fruit salad and a fruit cocktail tree to plant along the sunny wall of our house. These are multi-grafts with apricots, nectarines, peaches, and plums on them. I’m skeptical about these trees because I don’t think we have a warm enough climate for them (we are planting them in the most sheltered, warmest spot to compensate) but also because I haven’t been able to find any pictures of these trees in a mature state on the Internet, which makes me think they are a bit of a gimmick. I’m just approaching it as an experiment for $150. Will let you all know how it goes. The final tree I purchased is an espaliered multi-grafted apple which I want to plan on the outside of our fence where we have a big boulevard and lots of sun. The trick there will be putting some wire fencing up to keep the deer away, but if it works, I would love to put a couple more espaliered fruits in there next year.

It will be a few years before we get any harvest, but long-term commitments like fruit trees are a sign that we are fully settled into living on this island and in this home. Though we occasionally toy with communal living projects involving friends, so far nothing has really made a lot of sense to us, and we aren’t the kind of people to move simply for the “upgrade” in house or yard (especially after installing a sauna, and a songwriting studio!) So we’re definitively here, coming up on six years and not planning to leave anytime soon (this week is not only the covid-aversary but also the anniversary of closing the paperwork on the purchase of this house).

The last few days have gone by in a bit of a blur of work and I don’t even know what else. I got some workouts in, ran a couple of times, made some dinners. My workouts have been pretty intense lately so I’ve been sore a lot. I hope that means I’m growing more muscle (I’m pretty sure it does since my muscle definition continues to increase). Brian and I continue to talk about small add-ons for the home gym, and even though we are talking about going back to the local fitness center once we are vaccinated, we both prefer working out in the garage most of the time (I love going barefoot, cranking the tunes, and having the equipment all to myself).

In my union life this week I took a bit step back from my 20-year role as a union shop steward and let folks know that I’m not taking on any new cases. There were a lot of factors in that decision. The main one of course is succession planning, as I’m not going to be around forever and I need to get folks trained up to take over in the next few years. Truth be told though, I’ve also been feeling a bit exhausted with it all lately – underappreciated (by members and managers who I troubleshoot a lot of problems for), overworked, and a bit cynical about the process. Rather than get bitter I realized that it was time for a change, a turn towards mentorship and the bigger picture which I will continue to fulfill through my role as local president over the next two years. I have a few cases left on my docket, but once those are finished (or transferred to someone else) I will have a lot of my attention freed up for other things.

And that’s the week plus some sewing and violin-playing time! I look forward to outdoor gatherings around a fire in the very near future now that the health orders have changed, and am crossing my fingers that whole-community vaccination comes to us sooner rather than later. If you are subscribed to Comfort for the Apocalypse you’ll hear more from me later this weekend.

Despite the fact I have a decent job, returning to it after a few days off is always a bit of drag. There are just so many other things I would rather be doing than my job! And yet I am grateful to have had the time off last week to do some of them – play music, write, go for runs and hikes, and so on. I even got in some snowshoeing at Mt. Washington.

This week has been all back to business though with a full and busy week of work. I am nearing the end of my months-long staffing processes and pretty soon nine people will have permanent positions on our team. My process was also used by several other government departments to staff their teams (which is sort of not cool because it’s considered poaching from my process, but on the other hand it means that about 15 people are getting indeterminate positions out of a single process and that is for the greater good). Next week I have to spend a couple of days wrapping up the paperwork and then I am officially done with that.

I’ve been working on learning French for the last month, related to some workplace discussions about managerial ability and how I am hampered in moving up by having almost no second language skills. I’m not sure if it will go anywhere (like to full-time French language training), but I have been having fun testing my terrible French and taking online lessons lately. According to my progress map, I am almost graduated from “Entry” level to “Beginner”. From what I can tell, I have already surpassed everything I learned in high school French, with the exception of some more advanced verb conjugation. Since it’s work-related learning I mostly fit it into my work day, though I sometimes do a bit of practice quizzing on weekends to keep up.

It’s starting to feel like spring around here as evidenced by two things – I always cut my carbs way back around this time of year, and I want to sew all the new clothes for the season! This year, my desire to sew is fueled by the fact that I had to retire a lot of clothing last summer due to changes in my body size and shape – and now I have a small and not-very-fun wardrobe. Even though the temperatures have not moved beyond winter, the appearance of intermittent sunshine (not to mention crocus, rhubarb, and garlic shoots) are a reminder that I will want some new seasonal clothes soon. I started sewing a linen a-line dress this week, to be followed by a pair of mid-weight cotton culottes, and then we will see what comes next. I’ve been in a real sewing slump for a few months, and it feels good to have my interest piqued again, even if it is hard to find the time to get it done!

Of course I’m writing lots, pleased to have a daily practice back again, and Comfort for the Apocalypse up and running again with some regularity. I would like to find the time to delve into some of my essay subjects with more thoroughness but I have a lot of interests (and work takes up a third of my day) so I feel held back by that. Musically, I am practicing quite a lot these days and working on some stuff for Brian’s new album. I have a composition in the works, but as I put time into it I’m starting to hate it. Instead of becoming shinier, it feels dull – but I suppose that is part of the process. Mostly I’m learning about writing music and how to use notation software and I’m in the time-consuming phase of trying to figure it all out. I hope that once I find a process that works for me, it won’t be quite as painful.

I’m feeling really ready for a shift in the seasons, not to mention the vaccine roll-out to take hold. As much as I’ve been grooving on the home gym these last few months, I could use a bit more fitness sociality in the form of in-person classes and lifting weights with others at least sometimes. I am also looking forward to slightly-warmer weather for running. This past week I didn’t get my runners on once, and a lot of that had to do with feeling chilled all the time. At least that’s been my excuse. Will try to hit the road again this weekend and get at least a few kilometers of run-time in. Am also looking for any early opportunities to get the kayak in the water – even just for a paddle in the neighbourhood. Restless might best describe my state of mind right now!

But another weekend does lie ahead and with it the promise of some lying in and reading time, not to mention a walk with one friend and a run with another – I’m not sure I’ve seen anyone off screen this week, come to think of it. (And speaking of quarantine… I just noted that a year ago today was the last time I set foot in Vancouver – how I miss my city and its food!)

This week was *much* better than last; I made it to the finish line on some work stuff and my union AGM which was yesterday. Now I’m on holidays for the next week!

But to recap in a bit more detail – last week started with my birthday on Monday and a lot of pain in my left shoulder. I had chosen to work on the day, and so was feeling pretty sorry for myself – in pain, working, feeling every bit my 48 years as I plodded through the staffing paperwork, project work and so on. Pretty much all week I struggled a bit with the shoulder and feelings of overwork, and so I ended up taking a bit step back from exercise (down to two weight workouts and one run), spent more time in the sauna, and booked myself a massage. I was exhausted all week, but doing the right things to take care of that. Getting snowed in Saturday/Sunday only helped because it gave me the excuse to do little except read, sauna, write and hang out at the house.

So I started this week out with a lot more in the tank even though I knew it would be heavy work and unionwise (which it was – every day this week was full on). I still got overwhelmed at certain points, but my weight lifting and running came back online and I’ve so far done 2 runs and 3 strength workouts (1 more of those this afternoon), though I did notice yesterday how much stress was diminishing my heavy lifts.

Besides overwork, my stress these last couple of weeks has been mostly related to preparations for my union AGM which happened yesterday at lunch hour. There is quite a bit to get through at these meetings, budget to pass, finances to account for, elections and so on – and doing it all online makes it extra stressful (not the least of which because the polling function disappeared from the meeting yesterday and I had to ask people to vote by selecting the appropriate emoticon – thumbs up for yes, frowny face for no). I did run for one more term of office as president out of a sense of obligation, but let people know that it would be my last term and I’m going to spend the next two years training up our next president and transitioning out. I also said goodbye to a longtime exec member who retired yesterday which felt weird to do without the traditional presentation of the gift and party. Fingers crossed that by the time I step down, we can go out for drinks to celebrate my liberation!

Now that’s over, I have to get back to my more interesting focal areas – writing, playing music, and so on. I am mid-way through my essay for next Friday’s Comfort for the Apocalypse, and have some new pieces of music that I am learning to play. Because I have so much stuff I want to do right now (plus some household stuff I have to catch up on), a week off doesn’t feel like nearly enough time to get it all done, plus spend time relaxing!

Food lately has been so utilitarian. Neither Brian or I has felt much interest in cooking so I don’t have much to share on that front. Tonight we are doing a seafood pasta though, and I’m making a cardamom orange cake for dessert – it feels very fancy after a week of carrot soup and quinoa salads for dinner. I’m hoping to get some pressure canning done in the week coming up – last weekend I did can a ton of pinto beans which means refried beans for the next two years or so. Next up Brian has asked for maple-baked beans, which make for a great bbq side in the summertime. I’m also thinking of doing another round of soup – maybe chicken or beef vegetable base – it’s so great to have ready-meals on hand during weeks like the ones we just had where work sapped all our energy for cooking.

Brian is working part of next week and then we are taking a couple of days off together to recharge. He’s been pretty swamped lately also. Awhile ago someone asked why I would bother taking time off work when I can’t go anywhere. The person who asked is retired, so I think they forgot that work is depleting! Staycation is the most satisfying to me since my happy/relaxed place is when I have free time to write, read, play music or sew. International travel isn’t something we do, and I don’t feel the need to get away the way I did when I lived in the city.

Feeling a big sigh of relief and gratitude wash through me as I look forward to some “down” time 🙂