Red Cedar
More apocalypse, less angst
What’s going on…..
I thought I had a post from earlier this week all loaded up and ready to go, but it turns out that I only crafted that post in my head and it didn’t actually make it into the draft folder yet. This is happening a lot these days. I spend an hour every day walking to work and in that time I think lots of thinks and compose many opening sentences – but when I walk through the office door I’ve got to get right to work and my time outside of the office is mostly spent doing work with my hands (a conscious effort to get away from the screen) – so a lot of these thoughts simply fly away.
But I’m not upset about that because the thinks themselves are helpful, as is walking like a maniac every morning, and I know at some point this will all come together in some amazing blog post of self-discovery.
For the moment, however, this is where things are at:
- That whole feeling bad about myself thing? Yeah. So as a first step I told my partner about how I was feeling, and then I wrote about it here, and I also have mentioned it to a few women friends. That talking about it (as opposed to keeping it secret and shameful) has really helped. A lot! That was my stage one plan for tackling my bad feelings – share my story – and so far that’s working.
- Stage Two of Project Self-Awareness has been taking place this week and involves making more eye contact and more small talk rather than assuming that no one wants to look at/talk to/know me. That’s also lead to some great interactions, the kind I have shut myself down to for the last few months….. and I feel like I’m getting back to who I *can* be when I am feeling good about things.
- Last weekend I played a show at the Princeton Pub and for the first time in twelve years I shut a room full of drunk men up by singing Diamonds and Gold on my own. If I can still do that at forty, I can’t be doing that bad.
- There’s a piece of land that we can afford for sale and on Monday we are driving 8 hours round-trip to view it. It’s all I can think about this week because I have a feeling this might be the one! It’s only a third of an acre, but in a fabulous spot across the road from a little lake and within walking distance of four other lakes – and it’s a scant four hours from Vancouver. The cheap price means we can pay it off in a short period of time (we’ve got two other interested land-partners – but even without them we could afford it on our own and have it paid off in under five years). The lot is being sold at less than half its assessed value which is why we’re a bit frantic to get up there – it’s a very good price for the area we are looking in.
- I finished a pair of capri pants last night and am one-sleeve-left on a pullover sweater (crochet). I am hoping that next week I will have photos of both to share here. The pants are a bit baggy in the crotch, but they do fit – pants being a pain because there are so many fitting points. I am thinking of drafting a pair to my own measurements to see if that helps since commercial patterns are always a bit of a challenge to fit. I *really* want to make my own trousers.
- After nearly four months of walking 25 km per week I am feeling quite ready for our hiking trip to Berg Lake eight days from now. Not only am I feeling pretty fit – we’ve invested in some camping gear additions/upgrades this year and I’ve also got all of our dinners prepped and dehydrated. Totally feeling the trip coming on.
- I’ve got a weekend of friends and family on the Island and am looking forward to getting out of the office this afternoon!
And that is pretty much what’s going on. Have a great weekend people!
Red Cedar 
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