Given my regularly happy and productive postings I feel like I need to come clean and confess that I am currently suffering from terrible anxiety. It’s been building for the past week or so and has me in a state of perpetual panic. About what? About everything (self-hating, money-stressing, work-overwhelmed) – which is how I know it’s anxiety….. because everything in my life can’t be epic all at once can it? And in fact everything in my life is pretty good – from an objective view – so that’s also how I know it’s anxiety.
I’ve noticed since being with Brian that I don’t get nearly the horrible depressions I used to (I have down weeks, but nothing approximating actual depression), but I do get anxiety peaking from time to time. I’m trying to work out the link between the two because I’m pretty sure it’s there – as in, anxiety has always been a precursor to depression if I don’t take the time out and look after myself when I am stressed. Now that I’m in a really solid relationship, with a strong sense of home and family and community – I tend not to burn myself into depression, but the anxiety still comes as a little central nervous system warning to the rest of me.
So I’m hearing that message right now and thinking it’s time to take a break from alcohol and get my ass back to the gym. Not that I’m drinking much at all, but even one glass of wine disrupts my sleep enough to screw me up with insomnia and I need to get that in check. Also, procrastination is not a friend to my stress – so I’m thinking more work-discipline is in order.
No fun! I have to work harder and stop drinking at the same time! Bah! But I really want to calm down, and I think that might be the only way. *Sigh* At least I’m starting from the place of “awesome” instead of “already depleted”.