Light/ness



Besides being sick and finishing a scarf, the other notable first thing of 2013  is that I applied for two jobs today. This isn’t a new year’s resolution or anything, just that several positions in the same organization came up before Christmas – I’m highly qualified for one, mostly qualified for another –  so I gussied up my resume and got a package submitted for each this morning.  We’ll see if I hear anything back about that, but just the fact of doing it has made me feel optimistic for the new year. An omen for new opportunities.

What is it about the holidays looming that makes everything seem so drear? I ask now because I realize that in the last three days, despite this cold, I’ve felt more positive about projects and ideas than I did in the whole three months leading up to Christmas. For real. As I write, my overwhelming sensation is one of relief. Done for another year! It’s rolling off my fingertips as I type! It’s loosening my shoulders and bringing a smile to my face! And for the first time in months I’m starting to feel….. light. Lighter anyway.

Which brings the realization that what I really want for 2013 is to live lighter. To consume less heavy, sugary, alcoholic things. To stop taking on other people’s judgement, and to stop judging others. To lay down the emotional weights of the past, and of family. To find time for sitting without having to do every second of every day. To stop responding to the mental clutter of media and computers that envelops us. To keep pulling myself out of the toxic system, and immerse myself in the life I want. But that’s not a set of resolutions, because I don’t need to shovel one more set of “I shoulds” onto my load. Instead it’s just an idea. A touchstone to which I might return.

If 2013 is about anything, I want it to be about light/ness. Which means the ability to float, to fly, to try new things too!

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