Discussing theology while driving.

A good road trip partner is a rare find. But one with the ability to keep up the chatter, put me at ease when under stress, and who doesn’t mind my refusal to ask for directions is even rarer. Lucky for me, my friend Michael offered himself for the trip to visit Darren in Sheridan, Oregon this past weekend. As much as I thought I was going to do it on my own, I was sure glad I didn’t have to.

Now don’t get me wrong. I like traveling on my own, and have done a lot of it over the last several years. My favourite version of going places is to do all the *going* on my own, meeting up with people at destinations to do things with. In keeping with that I had originally thought this trip to Sheridan would best be done solo (if only because I love the romanticism of self-isolation even if the reality of it sucks), but when Michael asked “Do you want me to come with you?” I found myself saying yes, a little surprised by both his offer and my response. There it was, an offer made and accepted found us hurtling down the I-5 together, shacked up in a little motel room in Salem, rifling the second-hand bookstore instead of finding dinner, eating spreadable cheese in a Safeway parking lot, and watching Resident Evil 3 for lack of anything better to do.

Although I stay away from character sketches of my friends on this blog, I will say that Michael and I are from very different places in many respects, hold oppositional views on some pretty important subjects, and have absolutely no overlapping social networks (even though we live a block away from each other). On the other hand we share a love for rare words, long cross-themed discussions, and good beer. And (as he puts it) we’re both altruistic narcissists (caring for others while simultaneously being self-absorbed) – I’m not really sure if this is a pro or a con, but it helps us understand each other. I had suspected we would make good road trip partners on account of these qualities, and I was not disappointed.

(A good road trip partner requires flexibility, good communication skills, a willingness to pull over anywhere if either party needs to nap, a keen eye for the police, a valid passport and driver’s license, and the detachment to deal with a car fire without freaking out too badly. It helps also if they can see the absurd, carry a credit card, enjoy placing silly wagers, and are not afraid of strangers. If one of you refuses to ask for directions, the other must be willing to. There can be no fussiness about food or restrooms – these just are what they are when between one place and another. Germophobes and princesses need not apply.)

So we did this thing, what seemed very quest-like to me and Michael described as a pilgrimage, none of which put me in a good and happy frame of mind. On the way down I was stressed and then self-pitying, at the end of both visits I was near speechless with emotional exhaustion, and on the way home I was scattered and tired. A great deal of these emotions were experienced on major interstates. It was a pretty intense ride all the way around. But besides being an excellent travel companion, my friend was also there for me – hugged me at the right times (but not too much), suggested distractions, and didn’t complain even though he was stuck without car while I visited Sheridan.

There’s always a point on a road trip at which things become a blurry and exhausted and can either turn silly or grumpy depending on the participants. For us, this occurred on the trip home which we started at 5 in the evening after my last visit with Darren – rolling into Vancouver at 2:30 in the morning. At least three hours of that drive were sustained by a theological discussion that had both of us swearing and me at one point yelling that if I was forced to have kids I would kill them. It was excellent. And ridiculous. And made me realize that what I value most about this friendship is that we come from different places, can argue and retreat, can make serious subjects silly and mostly don’t take offense with each other. It’s a rare person I want to spend three days in a car with. I’m glad I’ve found this one out.