Red Cedar
More apocalypse, less angst
Life lessons through politics.
I have just come to a decision about running for a position that has come free on my union’s regional council. It’s a step-up from anything else I have run for previously, certainly higher profile, and I have lots of support from people to run. On the downside, two of my union “mentors” are both interested in running for the position also and I know that it will cause some hard feelings. I just told one of them about the decision via email and I’m waiting for the other to phone me so I can talk to him about it. To both I will make clear – I do not expect either of them to step aside just because I am running – I welcome a race, win or lose. Of course they fear if we all run we will “split the vote” among leftists – but I would rather see that happen than have bitterness as a result of individuals feeling like they “shouldn’t” run.
It’s a difficult thing this, but over the past month I have checked in with myself several times with the questions I think most valid: Do I want the position? Am I running for the right reasons (both personal and political)? Am I ready for this? (yes, and also…. a little scared) Can I temper my radicalism enough to be effective in this position? Can I use my radicalism to the advantage of my union from this position? Can I survive losing the election?
And having done that – I actually feel pretty grounded about running – probably moreso than I have for anything before this. I actually know why and how and what for a change (yes, I have past run for positions without being at all clear on what they were).
I guess the part I’m most uneasy with is the fact that opportunities for me are resulting in bad feelings for others right now, and the friendships I have in the union feel a little hollow. I know I have done nothing dishonourable in my political life recently – the trip to Colombia was nothing I politicked for (though I know people will assume I did), I am being upfront with those who should know I am running for this position, and I have been on top of the things I have promised others. Despite that, I get all knotted up when I think about telling people I am running. It’s mostly that I want everyone to “like” me which is a stupidly impossible goal in any case.
It’s all part of what I need to challenge in myself – the whole insecurity trip that affects so many of my decisions. Lately this has been somewhat better owing to successes at work – the fact I am facing Darren’s decision with as much strength as I can – good relationships with people I care about… But it’s an area where I need to be constantly vigilant or the old habits and self-deprecating behaviour just creeps right back in. I’m working on regular gratitudes and positive inner voice and I’m thinking if I keep at it, confidence will one day come a lot more naturally to me than it has for most of my life.
One Comment on “Life lessons through politics.”
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Red Cedar 
Good luck. Doing the right thing is hard. Doing the right thing for the right reasons is even harder, but it sounds like you’ve got it covered. You’ve checked in with yourself and you’ve made sure you weren’t going to blindside anyone you really care about. That’s all anyone can ask.