Red Cedar
More apocalypse, less angst
Post #2094: The crows I know
The crows outside our home in the giant beech trees were numerous and truly magnificent yesterday. Just the few photos and bit of video I shot feels like it could provide art fodder for months – and while I don’t have a lot of extra brain-space for artmaking at the moment, I am collecting bits and pieces and imagining constructions of paper, textile, text, stitch and yarn.
Something sticking with me these days is the following exchange that took place at the end of meditation retreat in November:
Student:”I have too many things going on in my life, what should I give up?”
Teacher: “You should give up the feeling that you have too many things going on in your life.
I’m riding with that. Rather than feeling overwhelmed by the “too many things” I am recognizing that my attention is focused where I want it to be right now – we give priority to what currently matters, and that the idea that we “should” be doing something different with our time (or not doing as much) is just another problematic construct. And while that is true, it is also important to sit quietly as often as possible to let the priorities filter through. And so I am busy, but I am sitting every morning. I have full days, but there are always special moments with Brian – every day – for cuddling and love affirmation. My schedule is wall to wall, but it is full of social events, learning activity, community building, and as much making-work as I can fit in (even if it’s on the margins sometimes).
So right now I am not making art, but I am making life every day – showing up in the spirit of living as much as I can.
I had a meditation teacher who likened our internal critical voice to crows. Pick, pick, pick – he said – that’s what we’re like when we judge ourselves and others. I’m taking that to heart as much as I can. Keeping the crows outside where they belong. In the trees above our house.
Post #2093: Days like these…..
My days lately have been full from start to finish. Get up early, meditate, get to work, do something after work (weaving class, group meditation, date with family, refugee sponsorship meeting), bedtime story, sleep. And again, and again, and again. It’s tiring me out, but I have the desire to do all the things and so right now, that’s what’s happening. All the things, that is.
For example, on the weekend we went to the cabin with our friend Jon for snowshoeing, hanging out, and cooking on the woodstove. The photo above is of the coziness that is our unfinished cabin – which gets mighty warm with the woodstove these days, even when we’re surrounded by two feet of snow. The snowshoeing was superb, by the way, about as good as it gets with fresh snow, solidly frozen lakes to snowshoe across, and almost no other people out at the lake.
While we were up there, I started a new blanket project – something simple that I could do without thinking about it too much and that would use up a schwack of yarn that I bought for an (failed) afghan project last year. Turned out that I don’t like Tunisian crochet very much, and I’m not good enough at it to get all my squares uniform, so that was going nowhere fast. Instead I’ve taken up the Rugged Ripple pattern in standard crochet and I’ve got three inches of blanket done already (I’ve got more done since taking this progress shot on Saturday):
In addition to that, I’ve been working on my weaving a bit this week also. While this photo is a bit blurry, you can see here three different weave patterns as I’m working on a sample (a somewhat chaotic sampler because I’m just trying things out):
And in non-project news, I’ve been learning to ride a bike again. I’ll write more about that soon – but I’ve got this super-long to-do list at work and no more time for posting – because my days are full from top to bottom right now, with very little time in between.
Post 2092: In praise of a clear afternoon in winter.
Taken on the delta at the Reifel Bird Sanctuary, January 2016.
Post 2091: Sitting with discomfort.
If meditation has taught me one thing (or started to anyhow), it’s that sitting with discomfort is possible. And more than that, it’s often desirable. When we sit with discomfort without immediately trying to rectify it, we learn more about the cause, and we stop ourselves from doing more damage in the process of trying to fix it. I think about this a lot, both when I am successful at not responding to a trigger, and when I am not. Especially when I am not.
After two (plus) years of meditating through illness, exhaustion, and occasional distress, I’ve noticed bit by bit, that it’s become easier to be uncomfortable psychically and physically in my everyday life. I don’t mind being caught out in the rain quite as much, I don’t have to scratch every itch, I don’t have to respond to every hurting thing. It makes it easier for me to imagine riding my bike to work in the winter, I don’t care so much about letting go of friendships that have gone sour. Which isn’t to say that none of these things affect me – I am no master of detachment after all! But I am a little less impacted, and when any feeling (good or bad) arises, I am able to mind the state I’m in with greater attention. Not to mention with wider perspective. Which in itself is a kind of relief – this ability to get outside of my own state a little bit and just witness it.
And speaking of meditation – is there anything more zen than a heron? I think not.
Photos taken at the Reifel Bird Sanctuary in Ladner, BC this past weekend.
Post 2090: First finished of the new year (sweater!)
It still needs a soak and a blocking, but I’m proud to announce the finishing of my first-even knitted sweater! I’ve crocheted a few (three successful, one not so much), but I really wanted to get a knit sweater under my belt since learning how to knit in June (I started the sweater in August). This has some issues – I’m not sure what exactly possessed me to start with a fingering weight pattern on size three needles as my first project – and you can see a map of my stitching improving as I go. But it’s *so* soft (Cascade Heritage) and it fits me in a nice, relaxed way. The sleeves are longer than the pattern called for (I believe it should have had 3/4 sleeves) so I really should have done another couple decrease rounds on the sleeves towards the wrist – but I do like that they are loose and easily rolled up.
All in all, this sweater makes me happy, and though it won’t win any knitting awards, it has an immediate spot in my wardrobe. Now that this is finished, I get to start on my next sweater project which I am lucky enough to be knitting in Brooklyn Tweed (for my husband’s birthday in May). Between that and working on the second Aspen legwarmer, I’ve got my needles pretty full for awhile.
Red Cedar 