Red Cedar

A friend of mine just posted this Sufi saying on FB “Stay close to anything that makes you glad you are alive.” (Attributed to Hafiz, a 14th century Persian poet)…. Which reminded me of a podcast I was listening to last night on my way home where Cheryl Strayed (quoting her mother) said “There’s always a sunrise and always a sunset and it’s up to you to choose to be there for it. Put yourself in the way of beauty.”…. which reminded me of a conversation that Brian and I were having earlier this week about the move.

Work has been a bit boring lately. Not overly stressful, not overwhelming – but boring. I’m categorizing information and all the creative part of that is done and now I mostly just have shuffle things together in spreadsheets and it’s pretty blah. And as a result of a particularly blah day I said to Brian, that I wasn’t sure if our move to Gabriola was really the right thing to do because I had drastically shrank my job prospects for the last third of my career. There are almost no jobs in my field of Communications on central Vancouver Island, and while I could choose to split my time between Vancouver and Gabriola in order to compete for city jobs, I was pretty clear with myself (and B.) that I wasn’t interested in doing that when we made the decision to move.

Remember, we’ve only lived here four months, and so I’m still in the phase of testing whether this was the right choice or not. My commentary was not an actual misgiving, but more of a question to myself about what my career/job is going to look like for the next ten years given how much my parameters have changed.

In response to this Brian said – “Just remember that when we decided to move here, we made a choice to prioritize life over work.” Which was exactly what I needed to hear because it’s actually the truth. When we did this move out of the city we decided that we wanted a whole lot more nature, quiet, small community, space, meditation, ocean – and a whole lot less hectic pace and busy/noisy city life – and so I did make a very conscious choice: I will not go much higher in my particular career/job but instead I will get all these other things that I love (including studio space and working from home most of the time). That is, we chose beauty over career. We chose to get closer to the things that make us glad to be us. And we are privileged to be able to do so in a way that doesn’t require giving it all up (despite my kvetching I am always aware of the luck in having a well paid professional job that I can mostly do from home).

So yeah. These quotes are resonating this week. And I’m reminded of what a privilege it is to even be able to stay close to what makes us glad to be alive, or to be able to choose beauty.

It’s fall and there are lots of spiders in my home and studio all of a sudden. Sadly (for the spiders), all the flies have departed quick-split! It’s odd timing – but I suppose that’s the fall pattern: the flies die off and the spiders come inside.

We’re back from New York, me returning on Monday and Brian home yesterday after working in Vancouver for a week. I’m not sure I’ve ever felt so good about returning home in all my life – something about leaving a mega-city and suburb in the US and flying into a small gulf island paradise made me want to break down weeping. I didn’t, of course – my float plane pilot would have thought that was strange – but I felt it.  And I’ve been feeling it all this week when I’ve mostly been working from home and getting out to walk or cycle or do yoga every day. And speaking of yoga! I normally hate it, but have discovered a class that I don’t. More on that in a future post once I’ve been to more than one class.

As usual my fall plans include “get in shape” and “eat less sugar and flour” which are on the boring side of things – but essential. I’d like to lose some weight and also just feel healthier. This summer was busy, but somehow not as active as I would have liked, and after a great winter/spring of cycling every day, I stopped doing anything too strenuous from June right through until this week. So I’m on a bit of a kick to be a little bit active every day. Today’s plan is a bike ride after I’m done work – 10 km – or so. It’s supposed to rain this evening, but it looks like the nice weather should hold until I’m done.

I’ve got a lot on my plate this fall, not to mention all the fall sewing projects that I’ve got mapped out on the mood board. We’ll see how many of these get started/finished. I’m working on a Bristol skirt at the moment, and I can’t say I love the pattern. I’m hoping that with a modification or two it will become easier to sew (mostly I hate the method they recommend putting the elastic in the waistband, and some of the pattern drafting leaves a little to be desired). I’m crossing my fingers to get that done later day, so maybe there will be pictures of that soon. I also just spent some $$ on a couple of pieces of merino – one jersey and one sweater weight for a top and wrap. And I’ve got scads of fabric to make shopping/tote bags. So much really – I’ve been on a bit of a fabric spree lately. And a yarn spree too – I just ordered enough yarn to make a baby blanket (the cutest one ever – just wait and see) and an afghan for use around the house. So I’m set for autumn making, and surely don’t have enough time to actually complete all the things.

And that’s okay – if I don’t/when I don’t do all the things I hope to do. I make a lot of plans, so if only 50% or less get done – I’m still ahead of the game.

In response to the question “I do too many things, what do I give up?”, my meditation teacher once responded “Give up thinking that you do too many things.” Which comes to mind frequently when I’m planning my time. Often it’s the *feeling* of being overwhelmed that is more the issue than actually not being able to do all the things. And also, letting go of things that don’t get done. Often the feeling of being “too busy” is about not being present and always thinking on to the next task or place we have to be. When I make plans to do many things, I am getting better about letting some of them go undone – which allows me to dream all I want without beating myself up when my reality falls a tad short. This doesn’t count for things that involve serious commitments to other people – but in the realm of making, household projects and so forth – there is so much latitude to enjoy oneself in the planning even if the work never gets done.

Speaking of planning things and finishing, I’m wearing a wrap today that I made on a whim in May while sitting in a two-day union meeting. Stultified by the affair, I ran to the local knit shop in Victoria and bought 4 skeins of the most beautiful yarn to make a wrap and a crochet hook in the appropriate size. Over the course of those days and a bit more time afterwards, I self-drafted this rectangular shawl which I plan to make lots of use of this fall and winter:

I really do prefer a rectangular wrap over a triangular one (on me). I had mostly forgotten about this project, but today when I was in the studio, it was a bit cool – and I noticed this hanging off the loom (awaiting blocking, which it still needs). I threw it on to keep warm and was reminded of how much I love the yarn and the chunky crochet texture. It’s worsted weight, so sure to ward off any chills.

So autumn projects are afoot! (I hear Brian in the music studio building a stage right now – more on that later too!) And I’m back to work.

I want to do a photo series titled “Birds Look At Things”. This would be my first entry – Cormorants looking at Connecticut (from Long Island). Taken yesterday at Caumsett State Park.