Red Cedar
More apocalypse, less angst
home base
a terrible insomnia last night lead me to call into work this morning pleading to work from home (well not exactly pleading – i phoned in at 8 and said “i’m working from home today”). on my morning coffee break i went outside and split a bunch of firewood. at lunch i walked to the post office to get the mail. in between such excitement i’ve answered a bunch of emails, talked on the phone a lot (union-related) and otherwise done what i would be doing in the office if i were there (working some and slacking off some….)
i am thinking to ask my boss if i can regularly work from home – once a week or something like that. it’s much more productive for me without a constant stream of people coming by – and when it comes to writing, nothing beats a quiet space. she indicated before this would likely be okay but i haven’t really gone back to formalize the process because of strike business and other events. maybe for the new year.
spent saturday night in the city at a party – was reminded how quickly things become not-home – after only a few months. i was very glad to come home to the coast on sunday, very glad that every night i come home here where it is quiet and i am relatively anonymous and there is no scene to fit into (well, there is one, but i don’t feel drawn to it). despite that feeling, i was happy to hang out with some friends i haven’t seen for awhile, and it seems that there will be at least a handful of people here for new year’s eve.
the fire is inducing a torpor in me – it is very warm in my living room at the moment – i must finish my job-work for the day…..
not at all introspective
as a treat to myself finishing my first academic paper since i left university almost 6 years ago….. i decided to pick up some light reading yesterday.
a while back, a friend recommended a series of books by gregory maguire which are takes on the old fairy-tales we know and love. i went yesterday and bought two of those books – Wicked: This Life and Times of the Wicked Witch of the West and Confessions of an Ugly Stepsister and started Wicked last night.
now this is a really fun read – a fairy tale for grownups premised on telling the wicked witch’s side of the story from the wizard of oz. who knew that oz was a despot, engaged in a secret plot to put down the animal rights movement and subjugate the quadlings for the precious gem deposits hidden deep beneath their marshes. the emerald city and yellow brick road built on the backs of slave labour?
pretty funny and surprisingly political – if you are looking for fun reading – this is worth checking out 🙂
heal thine self
i have been so wanting to post these last few days but haven’t been able to find the time between work busyness, finishing a paper for school and after-work appointments.
there is energy moving through me this week, positive and negative – but moving nonetheless. i had an illuminating session with my naturopath on tuesday – and although it feels as though we are coming back to the same question over and over again – each time i am a little more ready to confront it.
ironically i have realized that in order to clear myself enough to become a counsellor, i am going to have to stop playing the role of therapist for my mother. i have been sitting with this for the last couple of days, and although this is something i acknowledged intellectually in the past, it is starting to stick a little in the bones for a change. i need to clean up that relationship, but in order to i need to detach from the desire for acceptance. how does one do that?
this clearing in me has sudden motion, and it has become recently apparent that in studying to become a therapist, i am getting more out of my therapy – while at the same time the therapy i am in is teaching me what it is to be a good therapist.
this is the definition of healing relationship i most resonate with at the moment:
the basic work of health professionals in general, and of psychotherapists in particular, is to become full human beings and to inspire full human-beingness in other people who feel starved about their lives.
–Chogyam Tungpa
transforming
oh – this seems horribly anti-social – but these days i am most content when i am alone. this is not to say i don’t enjoy being around other people – but i feel a lot more balanced and in myself when i am just doing for me what needs to be done. i have lately been quite happy just to be reading, listening to the radio, cutting wood, doing yardwork, working on my car, doing schoolwork… without too much interaction.
i never used to need this solitary time like i seem to at the moment – and i suspect this is likely a phase related to moving and taking stock of where my life is going. i have found myself lately asking a lot more questions of myself about what i am doing and where meaning may be sought outside of chaotic situations (the creation of chaos bringing the illusion of movement – but no enduring fulfillment?).
photos from the caren
took some photos today in the caren range high above sechelt inlet. as i noted in a previous post, the caren cedar stands are believed to be the oldest forest on the west coast with a few ancient cedars that were saved from being cut a few years back. i took a ton of photos with my not-so-good digital camera. (one of these days i’ve really got to invest in something better). thought i would share a few in any case….
high above the inlet – even high above the clouds – you can see there is lots of snow on the ground up here
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Red Cedar 