Red Cedar
More apocalypse, less angst
an act of shameless self-promotion
no photo today – instead an image from one of my favourite graphic artists – eric drooker – which i have used in my election-campaign letter handout for this weekend.
on my way in today, i was thinking about the concept of vocational “calling”. the last guy i dated felt “called” to his profession as a forester, which is something i had never really encountered in someone i knew before. mostly the people i know have just got into jobs without thinking too much about it – they needed money, has some baseline interest or skills, they took a job or some training, and got employed mostly out of necessity.
in my case, i was a good talker, a decent writer, and a musician – so a degree in communications and subsequent employment in the field seemed to fit – but i have never felt that it was a “calling” per se – more like a convenient proclivity towards a certain skill-set. and while i suspect i may spend my lifetime doing communications work (because i am good at it, and skills like these are in demand in the hyper-media world we live in), it’s not because i love it – but because it pays a professional salary which allows me to do other things like activism and travel.
which leads me back to the concept of calling – because when nathan and i were discussing this back in the fall and i was preparing to go on strike – it occured to me that i do have a calling…. and have since i was very small.
(to be clear – i don’t think that a “calling” is a mystic, preordained or fatalistic sort of thing – more that very early life circumstances and certain inborn personality traits produce certain interests or leanings in young children that may or may not develop into a calling in later life)
i honestly believe i was called to activism and social justice organizing – i cannot remember a time in my life where i did not feel the need to resist injustice at home, at school, and in our neighbourhood – which lead me into my first protests and campaigns by the age of thirteen. many times i have decided to “quit” the movement in order to pursue different things in life – but although i may leave organizations, i find them quickly replaced with others. and one major thing i learned this fall when we went on strike is that all those years of organizations, and actions and demonstrations and legal problems have left me with the ability to step into the middle of a large campaign and lead it with total confidence. i had never really had my entire skillset tested all at once like that before (event organizing, media work, membership relations, public speaking, propagandizing etc.) – and the experience left me realizing that even though it is stressful at times, organizing is what i do best – and what i will always do best of anything else in my life.
and it is in clarifying this for myself i realize that communications is just an outgrowth of that activist-calling, and it is likely in my own psychic interest to pursue either work for the union movement, or running for higher office rather than staying in the federal government because it’s convenient. that doesn’t mean i’m leaving my job anytime soon – just that i recognize the privilege of having many options on the table, all of which i’m quite confident about at the moment….
anyhow – to wrap-up this post – what all that thinking lately has meant is that i’m taking my union-career more seriously these days and i’ve decided to run for higher office at the psac regional convention this weekend. i mean, this is nothing major – just a geographic rep. position – but every position is one step closer to the next…. or one step closer to a communications job inside my union (so i’ve been told). i am including in this post a copy of the campaign letter i wrote and laid-out this morning…. would you vote for me? 😉
being me
i really like my blog better when each post is preceded by an image – so i’m going post a new photo every day even if it means going back in my photo archives and finding ones i haven’t posted before. they may or may not be related to the writing of the day, so don’t look for any pattern in what photos i choose. the one above is from my recent trip to the desert with aaron – all day i kept trying to get a photo of one of the hundreds of butterflies alight around the canyons, resting on a flower or something – but was unsuccessful. upon returning from our hike i noticed several dead ones stuck to the grill of our rental car – and there it was – the butterfly shot i wasn’t really looking for.
so (in case you were looking for the update) – the meeting this morning turned out not to be a termination meeting, but a “fact-finding” hearing…. meaning there are allegations being made and we had to respond to them. it’s a very complicated set of circumstances, but essentially i did some listening, a little advocacy, and followed-up with a dose of advice-giving. then i got back to my desk and had 2 other union-related (stewarding) phone calls, and then the director involved in the first case came to see me at my desk (about the hearing we had just had, which digressed into a discussion about work and the future of the public service). all of this made me late to meet my friend megan o. for lunch.
all this running around (and too much coffee) has made me a bit hyper in any case…. i’m waiting for the mid-afternoon crash which hasn’t come yet.
normally my stewarding load is not so high – but at the moment i have four cases which is a full-time job. even though we have other union reps in the building, i seem to be the one people come to most often which i chalk up to my ability to make even really stressed out people laugh (it’s my special superpower). that, and i sometimes even win my cases, which seems to inspire confidence in my ability (funny that).
today at lunch, i realized how crazy-full my life has gotten again, and how even though it makes me a tad manic at times – i much prefer to live like this than i have been for the past year and a half…. i get to be me again 🙂
i have lots of other stuff to post about but i also need to get some work done before i leave today….
it's going to be one of those weeks
got to the ferry terminal this morning at 6 only to find out that due to a “bearing” problem, the first sailing was cancelled. knowing this would only mean a huge hassle getting to work on the 8:20 (because of the way busses work on the other side), i decided to return home and work from here – i have a big policy document i’m working on that keeps getting dropped to the bottom of my to do pile, and home is about the only place i can force myself to work on it (less distractions from other work demands).
on my way home, i decided to swing by the roberts creek breakwater and watch the crescent moon go down as the light broke the clouds – and snapped a few mediocre photos – wishing i had my tripod and trying to keep steady on the wet wood railing. the one at the top of the post was the best of a sorry lot….. gorgeous fresh morning though – and i felt almost fortunate the ferry broke down and i got to spend a few minutes just soaking up the early morning air at high tide.
i suspect it’s going to be one of those weeks where the union takes up more of my time than my actual paid work. not only do i have a whole day of union-management meetings on thursday, and union convention friday-sunday – i just got off the phone with a member whose supervisors have requested her presence (avec union rep) in a meeting first thing tomorrow morning. i suspect it may be a termination hearing as they are being very evasive as to the purpose of the meeting.
this gets my stomach all in knots for three reasons: 1) the supervisor and the manager in this case are both people who are allies to me in the workplace – it’s harder for me to be objective even though we are all clear on our roles in a case such as this; 2) i have represented this member in the past in disciplinary matters (there have been several), and she really does nothing to help herself at all (she even lied to me during preparation for one hearing); and, 3) i hate seeing anyone lose their job or be disciplined for any reason, and i hate being witness to this type of emotional event in other people’s lives who i’m not particularly close to.
99.9% of the time the members i represent in hearings and grievances are people i feel i can really go to bat for, but every once and awhile there are the cases where it’s just hard to fight – it becomes a case where i have a legal “duty to represent” – and that pretty much sums up the role. it’s a little like being a lawyer in that way – even if you think the person is guilty you still have a job to stand up and argue for them – except i don’t get paid a lawyer’s wages. so that’s tomorrow morning scheduled already, though it probably won’t take more than an hour at best…. it’s a hell of a way to start the day.
*sigh* – it’s not even noon yet and all this to write already! back to work i go.
steady work solitaire
there was a brief moment this afternoon when the sun came out and these tulips in the front yard caught my eye. since most of the day was a torrential downpour, it seemed appropriate to catch the small moment of striking colour as the sun flitted through the break. unfortunately it did not last and blue sky has only come back just now as dusk is falling.
today was spent divided between chores and projects. since i spent last weekend away and was incapacitated by exhaustion most of the week i had a bunch of stuff to get done this weekend. i did manage to put an hour and a half into music this morning – and i realized that before i stopped playing entirely in october i had put new strings on my fiddle and was working on some music i quite like from both the bluegrass and klezmer traditions. it was great to go back to that today, though unfortunately my small muscle co-ordination and stamina need some work as i am horrendously out of shape. this isn’t the first time i have quit for an extended period of time and i always end up kicking myself for letting it go so dramatically. (thank-goddess for muscle memory)…. i need to find some other musicians to play with up here — i’m really not such a good self-motivator without a band, even though i love the noises i make on my own….
i’ve also been kicking around some ideas for the bob everton colloquium since i’ve been asked to supply a title for my “intervention” as the program is being prepared. i’m thinking of something like “appropriating technology: security, internet services and the struggle” though i’m not so sure about that as a title, it is likely going to be the theme of what i talk about – how resist! and projects like it provide a necessary link in the radical media continuum in an era of increased security concerns and state crackdown on activism – essentially.
last night i was reading a piece a friend wrote about bob and something in it, a phrase he used often (“democracy without participation is simply rhetoric”), reminded me with startling clarity of the sound of his voice – of the look he would have had on his face saying such a thing, the taste for revolutionary change that never wore off. the loss of him is still so strong in my heart, even three months later i find it difficult to believe i am preparing a talk for an academic memorial in his honour – am not sure i can speak about him in public without my eyes tearing at the corners.
but it is all part of the process i know, and i suspected that working on this brief talk would stir in me some of the grieving not yet put to rest…..
besides that i started working on the concept for the piece for the art & craft auction though i’m pretty sure the piece i am working on to flesh it out will not be the piece that ends up there (i’m not even sure i have the time to put something together in the middle of my move – but it’s giving me a chance to think through a small project idea that has been in my head for awhile….). i plan to finish stitching the top row of the project i have been working on for the past two months tonight and will post a picture here later (after i finish with the laundry – bleah).
music and moving
it really doesn’t feel the same as last time, this moving houses. when i read back the posts from packing my apartment on commercial drive and all the sorrow involved in that, i’m reminded that i’m not nearly so fragile as i was eight months ago. i don’t feel driven out, i am not afraid of myself or anyone else, nor am i melancholic for other periods of my life. quite the opposite, i have been feeling incredibly empowered and affirmed lately in who i have become over the last few years (and yes, i know the last couple years of difficulty are an important part of that as much as i would rather have not gone through them).
i managed to get my g3 laptop hooked up to the stereo and about half my music collection transferred onto it. for the first time ever i can listen to my whole collection of goran bregovic through proper speakers (alll 5.25 hours worth) much of which i have never burned out to cd. i realized today when i was working on paring down the system that the g3 was really a computer on the brink when the logic board died last – the cd player doesn’t work, the speakers are shot, the keys are all fucked up and of course the logic board is so tenous it can never be a portable machine again – making it an excellent static candidate for serving up music.
and on a totally unrelated note – my landladies called me today to tell me once more how disappointed they are with me because we had a verbal agreement i would stay for a year (note – verbal agreement – they didn’t want a lease because they wanted the flexibility to move back in if their circumstances changed). i do understand their frustration though because it’s pretty clear i’m acting solely in my own interest and not in anyone else’s in this situation. i don’t do that very often – act in my own interest without feeling guilty about it – but i’m having a hard time mustering much concern in this case – i can’t afford to pay the rent out until august, and there is a rental shortage on the sunshine coast so the house won’t sit empty – it really sums up to a minor inconvenience to the owners.
anyhow – it was just a day today – getting things done to move and hauling boxes out of the basement for packing – which i started on the books this afternoon. i promise not to blog endlessly about the moving process this time as i know how tedious that gets… suffice to say it’s progressing as it should be.
Red Cedar 