Red Cedar

even though denny says i can’t be in the hopeless freak club if i actually have dates, i think he’s wrong, and i had a sortof date last night in any case. as i mentioned in yesterday’s post, this person from the internet turned out to be a co-worker which i knew would provide ample fodder for conversation if there was any lag-time involved so i agreed to meet him in horseshoe bay after work on my way home. it turned out to be a pleasant meeting, we had lots to talk about, drank a couple of beers (on an empty stomach – i was a bit drunk when i got on the ferry), and it generally turned out that we have some politics and other things in common.

so yes, it was a good meeting – and i think we will hang out again. i don’t have any other type of read though – and i didn’t have an immediate physical attraction (though that means very little for me, because i find physical attraction something that grows as i enjoy spending time with a person). he seemed to enjoy spending time with me and indicated he would like to meet up again. so we will see, it could just turn out to be an interesting friendship or something else. i really can’t predict this one at the moment.

i’m starting to get callouses in the right guitar-playing places which is very exciting to me. this learning how to play the guitar project is going quite well at the moment – i have not only figured out a whole bunch of chords and strumming styles, but managed to put chords to my latest song all by myself (though i’m having a lot of trouble putting them to 67,68,69 because i think the melody is too weird for chords – need to get help on that one).

so yes, where we last left off – i was going to victoria which turned out to be a bit of an ill-fated trip though i still think i came out ahead of the game. visit with the parents on friday night was fine, went over to anna & kyla’s in the afternoon and hung out for a bit, helped get things ready for the party. by the time the party started though i was becoming increasingly anti-social and tired. i think i have been going too hard in the last month and it’s all started to catch up on me quicker than i would like to admit. i have quite a bit of work-related anxiety at the moment as well that i’m having a hard time turning off. so yeah – i was tired and out of it – and then the victoria-guy-i’m-sleeping-with showed up which was great…. but i found myself even unable to make decent conversation.

he was in a fine mood, but also work-preoccupied so we decided to cut out and get a hotel room for the night which turned out to be the best option because i couldn’t fathom staying at the party until people cleared out and i could sleep there. it also meant we had some time just together — which i had thought wouldn’t happen because of circumstances. i probably won’t see him for some time since i have no plans to go back to the island until sometime in august and really, i think that is for the best. (yes, i like him, we have fun together – i’m pretty sure though that’s the extent of it, and i’m not very clear about what i want at the moment… i tend to develop attachments for people i am sleeping with even when it’s an ill-advised move, and i don’t think i should develop an attachment to this one because i’m pretty sure it wouldn’t be reciprocated – this is at least the process going on in my head at the moment).

so yes, all that said – sunday morning we got up to go for breakfast and while he was getting his bike from out front – i managed to pull the front of my car around into a concrete support post in the covered parking area. nice! not only did i do $1000+ in damage to my car, but i did it in front of a guy who i actually like – the double-whammy of feeling stupid. i was mostly just shocked though that i did it at all – *i* don’t do stuff like that! but apparently i am just human and i guess these things happen to lots of humans. at least i wasn’t hurt and i didn’t hit anything/anyone else. last night i realized that i might have put collision insurance on my car this year (couldn’t remember for the life of me) – when i pulled the papers out it turns out that yes! i did! which means i just have to pay the $300 deductible which is way affordable compared to what the repair might cost in total. in the meantime i need my car all week so i’m driving it as the wreck it looks like and hopefully will get to deal with it next monday.

after the accident, we had a lovely breakfast (though i couldn’t shake the slightly-sick, anxiousness from the accident) – and then i drove out to william head to visit my friend dustin who only has nine months to go inside, but nine months that could drive him completely nuts (time slows down near the end of the bid – i’ve observed this phenomenom in many other friends over the years). despite the fact that both he and i were a bit grumpy – we had a great visit – and made each other laugh even! the weather was nice so we got to sit outside by the sea and watch the birds – which is one of the things that makes that institution not so bad to visit at.

talk about a full weekend! but i managed to get on an earlier ferry back to tsawassen and got all the way back to gibsons on sunday night, which meant sleeping in my own bed. because of my totally yuck state by the time i got home with my beat-up car – my bed felt way more inviting than normal. all things considered, i still think the trip was more than worth it – getting to see my friends, and the guy, and managing to write two songs in transit – pretty priceless all of it.