Red Cedar
More apocalypse, less angst
hope (essay)
the last statement i made to gerald (an ex from long ago), in ocean falls this summer was, “i don’t believe in hope,” and then the ferry horn sounded and i had to run down the hill to get on before it sailed away. i felt uneasy for days, leaving a conversation at that supposedly bleak place seemed a bad omen of something – particularly because i delivered my parting line in a town of 35 residents, its structures crumbling back into the earth amidst a patchwork of lush rainforest and clearcuts. the boarded up hotel, the eyeless hospital windows, the junk museum set up in the old co-op grocery store – a scene both hopeful and hopeless, which is often how i see the world, one sentiment negating the other. perhaps this is what i meant to say, or maybe it was just that “hope” seems like a difficult (if not untenable) place to situate our energy.
we were talking about peak oil, unfettered development and the collapse of land and ocean resources at the time. i’m not sure who initiated the conversation – likely me because i had just read derrick jensen’s yet-to-be-released book, Endgame and was thinking through the implications of environmental degradation and civilization’s reliance on shrinking resources. it was here that gerald said “you can always hope that people start making the right choices and consume less” to which i made my reply. and of course – he is right – i can make a million wishes, which is all that hopes are, and pin my energies there. or (and this is what i was getting at in my sharp response) – i can take action on those leverage points of change where i find them. my reaction to him, was really a reaction to the society that throws its hands up and “hopes for the best” rather than taking steps to make real changes.
but of course it is not true that i don’t have hopes or wishes or dreams; it is false to say “i don’t believe in hope” except as a retort in a conversation with an ex who has always been a riddle to me. there are things i want, that i can’t manifest by my physical actions in the immediate – which require some wishing and positive thinking just to keep them alive as dreams and desires. this is a type of hope, albeit one without expectation of fulfillment, which really just goes back to one state cancelling out the other (a hopeless hope).
i suppose i bristle at the word “hope” because it feels too much like saying – “there is nothing i can do about this anyway except pray” – and giving up so much agency, while our life-support systems of air and water and plants are slowly poisoned around us and by our actions as a collective body seems a bit disingenous to me. it’s the avoidance factor that makes me recoil and then react – and i suppose that is what i did mean in my parting statement to an ex last july in a tiny central coast village. looking back at it, i am pretty sure it was not a bad omen of anything.
wins and losses in the class struggle
it looks like the teachers are going to come off the picket lines today following an announcement that both sides are willing to accept ready’s arbitration recommendations – which doesn’t mean they have an agreement yet, but that there is a framework within which to negotiate on items such as class-size, teacher-on-call wage increases, and an increase in education funding overall for this and next fiscal year. the next few weeks will see negotiators sit back down to the table and hammer out the finer points to take to the teachers for a vote. we’ll see what kindof support it actually has at that point.
rarely in a labour struggle is there a clear victory at the end for the union movement – and although there are often clear losses – most resolutions involve a little bit of both. since i have been watching this dispute like a soap opera over the last two weeks (hand-wringing – what will happen on tomorrow’s episode?), i of course have an opinion on this resolution and where i think the bctf and labour movement has won or lost points in this struggle. while it is too early to know what a final agreement will look like, i think that overall the teachers will be able to declare a victory, despite there being little chance of across-the-board wage increases.
so first of all on the wins:
because the government underestimated the teachers, and their willingness to break the law, the bctf came out in a strategically strong position with both committed members and public support. as cupe workers joined onside to help escalate the actions across the province, support only grew among the public, and the government’s plea for people to “obey the law” rang hollow (particularly when delivered by government officials who have repeatedly refused to honour international labour law and freely-bargained contracts). a low-point for the government was definitely the moment education minister, shirley bond encouraged teachers to scab on each other – a cry that went unheeded in a climate of bctf militancy and member-solidarity. bond clearly misread the union-supporting public in bc which is larger than the liberals would like to admit. all of this means the union movement came out looking stronger, while support for the government weakened.
this puts unionized workers in a better position overall in bc because it is unlikely that after this government embarassment, they will be so quick to enact bullying legislation in the future. the bcgeu and other negotiating unions may reap benefits from this sooner rather than later as they head into their contract sessions in the new year. in addition, the willingness of people to take action and stick together has provided a living demonstration of the power of democratic unionism (the bctf is much more democratic than many other unions i could mention), and the ability to make change by physically defying that which is unjust.
in addition to all of the above, fractures inside the bc federation of labour that have become apparent over the last two weeks, may provide an opening to challenge the weak leadership of jim sinclair – which if played right, could result in a win for the more militant forces within the bcfed. that of course is an open question until next november’s convention where the leaders of the fed are elected.
unfortunately, it would be a bit too pollyanna-ish to just focus on the wins without also noting apparent and probable losses overall:
i think the biggest problem from the labour movement perspective was weak overall leadership. while jinny simms (bctf president) shone in the media and was exulted by her membership, bcfed leader jim sinclair got weaker by the day, and by the end the fed was disavowing cupe rallies scheduled for today as “inappropriate”. this was a disappointing repeat performance of the same inept and shoddy leadership we saw during the heu “illegal” action 16 months ago – the only difference being this time that jinny simms was able to resist it given her broad public support, whereas fred muesen (heu president) did not enjoy the same public persona or suppport during the heu actions. this allowed the bctf (with the support of cupe) to continue on with their strike despite the fact it is very likely sinclair and the fed were arguing with them to shut it down. of course, i am speculating here, but the internal dynamics as i have glimpsed them give me some idea this is a likely scenario.
as a result of this fracture in the fed (which i blame on sinclair and the unions who left the bctf out to dry including my own) the labour movement once again lost the opportunity to truly hold the government accountable for its heedless social and economic policies by taking general strike action. as working people we have a single mechanism at our disposal for resisting injustice and cruelty on a mass scale – which is to withdraw our labour until our demands are met. yet our leadership seems loathe to bring us to it, even when our members are eager to go. once again, we have been let down by those we elected to represent us at the union table – and i am hopeful there may be a serious contender against sinclair the next time around to take the fed in a more militant direction. with a government like the bc libs, this is no time for weak knees – our future as a society is at stake with every program that is cut and every wage that is frozen – and without opposition that backs up what it says with action, the government will continue to steam-roller us.
i think the ndp similiarly did not capitalize on or support the mobilizations for fear of being seen as too close to labour. it is a shame when the party of the workers, disavows itself from the active organizations of the working class – but of course, not a surprise given the history of social democracy and the debates currently going on in the ndp about its new direction. with more support from both labour and the ndp, i really do believe that we would be looking at a much clearer victory in the teachers’ dispute this morning than we currently are.
but despite these things, it needs to be said, although teachers are not going back with across-the-board increases in wages or all their demands met – they should be able to return with the dignity of having fought against and moved the government into a more tenable position. without this strike, the teachers would have gained absolutely nothing at all, and their rights to bargain would have eroded that much more while acquiescing to unjust legislation. as it is, they have a framework within which to start, and i’m optimistic they have frightened the government just enough to ensure that other public sector unions will not have such a hard time in future negotiations.
i recognize it is with reluctance teachers are being asked to support these recommendations – and as a union activist, i would much rather see a general strike go into effect until their demands are met – but given the problematic leadership in the bc labour movement as a whole – teachers have to recognize that they have acted in the most honourable, militant and unified way possible. although i am ashamed of my union leadership, i am still proud to be a member of the rank and file and am happy to make common cause those union sisters and brothers who have been on the frontlines supporting the teachers and confronting this government.
second-class (essay)
i often wonder what it would be like to be endowed with a consistent and positive self-image over an extended period of time. would i be so motivated if i didn’t always feel not good enough? would i be as generous if i automatically accepted that people might actually want to be in my company? or would a positive acceptance of myself ultimately make me lazy for accolades and accomplishments?
despite the genetic luck and environment from which i have drawn a certain amount of intelligence, and adequate physical features – from a young age, it was always abundantly clear to me that i just didn’t measure up on some core level. i was unpopular in school, i was not a prodigy on the violin, and i did not have the charm and fashion-sense projected from every television or movie screen. besides the things i could do at a median level (mainly, music), there always seemed a myriad of things i could *not* do (dance, visual arts, sewing, physical sports,writing, photography, etc). back then, i had not refined my ability for speech into anything resembling articulate and impassioned, and my propensity to talk was deemed annoying by my father (so much so as to be routinely physically punished for talking too much), which i’m sure took a toll on my confidence for public speaking, a skill i have since honed as an activist and union leader.
this frustration with second-class status (next to my more popular, better looking and more articulate peers) at first was a torment, particularly in my late childhood and early teenage years – but as i grew older, i subverted that pain into a rejection of the standards set in front of me and rather than fighting my way through it, drugs and alcohol became a way to inure myself to the hurts and alienation. this way, if i failed, it was because i wasn’t trying not because of a deficiency in intelligence or charm; if i didn’t fit in, it was because i didn’t want to, not because i was rejected by those around me. as a protective mechanism, the “punk” lifestyle and addiction provided a harbour for all the angst and abuse awash inside me. in this way, i found community of other broken people, which interupted the projection of the way things are “supposed” to be, and showed me a different film altogether.
as it goes, we grow up if we are so blessed as to escape the hazards of adolescence, and i grew into activism and university after some period of wandering drunkenly inside myself. a series of events propelled me into vancouver and after a decade into my life on the mainland – with decent career prospects in the communications field (all that talking turned out to be good for something) and a solid foot into the leadership of my union – i have exorcised at least some of my demons. but despite the fact that i have achieved a good job, a locally-popular band, a home of my own, a university degree and a technical diploma, support from my union membership, awards at work, and the support of wonderful and creative friends (not to mention developing skills in cooking, gardening, photography, and other creative arts) – i have never shaken the feeling that i am still at the root, very flawed – a product made from inferior moral stature and work ethic.
this lack of positive self-image is not something i am particularly proud of, nor is it lost on me the fact that i torment myself with it despite the list of privileges i have had bestowed upon me by sheer dint of being born white, with full faculties, and into a middle-income family. despite that, i do often wonder how much my motivation to achieve comes from that place, and i worry about losing my “edge” should i ever get to a place where i am completely self-satisfied.
sleep, news & experiments
the grasses and the sky at bull canyon on the way to bella coola – july 2005
news this morning upon checking the friend-blogs… ryefield is responding, albeit struggling to – but eyes fluttering and attempting to respond to voice and touch. i’ve been visualizing him as a small-being wandering around inside his own head… using this coma-state to figure out some of the “big questions”. if anyone is the type of person to do that, it’s him. of course, nothing else is known yet, but i know the people closest to him right now are more hopeful he will come out of it okay – seems there will be a long healing road in any case.
and there is talk of a general strike in vancouver – or at least – walk out of some unions tomorrow which my union is apparently not participating in (we aren’t in a “real” general strike situation yet, and the bcfed is trying to keep a lid on protest by keeping most workers at work except those directly affected by provincial bargaining) – but if transit wildcats (which they might if a picket line goes up at the transit yard), then i would hazard to guess we’ll get a one-day strike anyways. it’s pretty variable, but i’m staying in the city tonight for a union meeting, so whatever happens i’ll be somewhere for it.
i pieced out and pinned the hems for curtains and a tablecloth last night, and managed to get a good night’s sleep – so between the two things i’m feeling much better today – plus the news this morning on two fronts has been good, which is helping to lift the oppressive weight from my shoulders. my optimism in both cases is guarded, but it is still there amid the fortress that is the legacy of disappointments.
i also have decided to try a bit of a blog-writing experiment that i have seen elsewhere as a way of working on more than just diary-style writing… which is to randomly pick a dictionary word everyday and blogpost about it. i am giving myself permission to have that take any form – essay, fiction, poem, or even photograph – but with a minimum number of 250 words. the purpose being to extend my writing skills and kick this almost-daily writing habit up a notch or two. this doesn’t mean the end of my regular posts, but would be in addition to other writing and photographs already on this site. please let me know what you think as this little project progresses!
my word for the day (out of the French-English dictionary on my desk) is second-class. more on that later.
fabric goodness
besides all my weirdness – i went to dress-sew at lunch with one of my co-workers and spent an hour looking at pretty cloth and ranting about work. in the end i bought a lot of linen to use for a curtain, and a metre of beautiful red chinese brocade with gold and purple dragonflies on it to use for pillow slips.
it was the high point of my day.
Red Cedar 