Red Cedar

The city is returning like pieces fitting into a puzzle inside me – those that comfort, those that irk, and those which just make me raise an eyebrow at how can people be this crazy? My car has returned to being the east-van loaner, the 7 am line in front of United We Can is as anarchic as ever, and I’m back to grousing about the dearth of buses going to the east end with the others in my downtown lineup… Like slipping back into an old skin, I wait for the weather to become a bit warmer so I can trace my favourite urban hikes past Strathcona gardens and La Casa Gelato and onto the train tracks towards home. In the meantime, I take a little solace in the fact my coffeeshop is still staffed with the same people it was when I moved away 2 and a half years ago.

Although I moved – I never really left the city – but I never really moved to the country either – and instead, I lived in a limbo between places and travel, not committing to anything. It’s very likely that the most I got out of the Sunshine Coast was during the first few months I lived there, suing the solitude to engage with my depression and work my way out of it – for those are the most distinctive months in my memory of there. The rest being a blur of doors opening and shutting, suitcases in and out of the car, ferries delayed and cursed.

Re-orientating to being rooted in a place that I live 24 hours a day, my work is no more than a short hike from my home, and my friends accessible by more than a phone call. Not to mention living in a neighbourhood where being single at 33 isn’t seen as suspect, where I’m not viewed as an outsider, and where my neighbours are filmmakers, web developers and musicians rather than loggers and homemakers. Not that I have anything against the latter, but I will admit a natural affinity for the former.

I feel like I fit again. Each piece of the city returning reminds me of the picture I tried to dismantle when I moved away – and every passing day is bringing it to a completion I’m finding myself very reassured by.

There’s a car on my block that has a number of bumper stickers plastered on back – all of them left-wing amusing, but my favourite being the one that says “Oh No – Here comes another Learning Experience!”. Since I have frequently been heard to ask “Geez, why does everything have to be a fucking lesson?” – I am glad to see the sentiment shared with thousands on sticky vinyl.

Don’t worry, this isn’t a blog post where I recount yet one more thing learned the *hard* way – there’s been enough of those in the last year already – but more of a lament at how difficult it seems to actually become a better person. Aren’t there people out there who just are better people without getting beat up by the cops, or losing their friends to the fugitive underground? I mean – why is it that my sainthood has to emerge from the death of one of my closest confidantes, harassment by csis agents, or the snap of an ankle on a windswept island hiking trail? I’m sure that not everyone claims their growth in these ways, or feels that almost *every single encounter* they have is some sort of a personal test… Really!

And yes, I do know that so many of these things are the result of personal choices, but then again, some of them are just plain freak occurrences too. Perhaps it’s just my privilege balancing out on the other side (Okay Meg – you get a really good paying government job, but as a trade-off you’re going to fall in love with an animal rights activist who you will feel compelled to support through numerous court appearances and jail stints for the rest of your life….) Or maybe there is an afterlife reward that I’m too much of an atheist to believe in.

As usual, not really complaining, but I’m just saying…. I think it might be time to put an end to this sort of personal growth 🙂

Sentencing dates for all of those who have plead guilty in the Green Scare case have been set (finally! it was supposed to happen today….) Chelsea and Darren will appear on the 18th and 19th of April respectively. I’ll be heading down to Eugene for the hearing (and to sort out Darren’s personal possessions to bring home). Just putting it out there as some folks wanted to know… and now we do. Press release from the CLDC can be found here. In the home stretch now….

After some waffling back and forth I’ve decided to go ahead and have my Return to East Van/Housewarming/Solstice party next Wednesday evening, December 20th. I figure at the very least this will spur me to get the rest of my home set up before that happens (though you may be warned from going into the 2nd bedroom which has become the dumping ground for all things odd and ended).

I’m thinking pretty casual, potluck starting around 6:30ish and going until whenever all the wine has been drunk. I’ll be putting some food out anyways, and it would be great if you want to contribute. Please do bring wine/beer or other spirits. Perhaps mulled wine would be a nice treat? Basically, bring whatever puts you in the mood for good blessings and good cheer…..

Really, this about as unorganized a party as I’ll ever have. Friends who I have email for will be receiving invitations this evening by email. If you think you should have got one but haven’t, then *please* tell me cause it’s likely just an oversight.

And, I also want to hereby state my intention to organize regular dinners at my place – either bi-weekly or monthly in the coming new year as a way of regularly connecting with my social family, and hopefully growing that through the sharing of good food and drink. I’ll let y’all know more on that as I sort myself out.