Red Cedar

My regional union convention starts tomorrow, and from then until Sunday afternoon I will be awash in electioneering and politics. Four days, and then I leave for another bargaining session in Ottawa. Tonight I have to pack for both since between the convention and the trip, I won’t have time to go home.

I’ve given up trying to have a balanced life during particular times (April/May and Sept/Oct being my busiest months) – instead saving up my angst until I get into the periods where less is expected of me. No bargaining in July or August, nothing except work really. When I only have one fulltime job, my life gets a lot easier.

Last night, Brian and I had a scheduling crisis. Or more honestly, I had a crisis over some scheduling details because it’s getting increasingly difficult to fit times together in. There are reasons for that beyond just my crazy work schedule, and the whole thing left me quite frustrated because there are some things about reality that just can’t be changed on a whim. Like finite time, and other people’s issues.

It’s temporary, and it’s part of negotiating a new relationship, and it’s what happens when the two people in the relationship have somewhat complicated lives. This much I know. And it makes it easier to take most of the time. But sometimes I’m not able to overcome the inner child who wants what she wants right now! (And that’s not just a relationship characteristic either).

It’s a good thing we are in love and really digging each other the rest of the time – or the difficult stuff would be even more so. And I suppose it’s what relationships are – measures of one thing against another. On the one hand I’m not used to having to schedule around multiple people’s needs, or actively missing someone when I or they are away. But on the other, it is deeply comforting to have someone in my life who is really “on my side”. That’s something I had forgotten all about – it’s been ages since anyone in my life filled the role of partner and cheerleader 🙂

And you know, last night he came to my home with three kinds of good cheese, olive tapenade, bread and dried figs – plus four books for me (two graphic novels, a history of mug shots and a novel that looks decent)…. Just because he felt like it. Which is as good a physical manifestation of “I love you,” as I have ever seen.

Am I worried? Not at all. But stressed? Yes. I’ve got an election coming up, a busy month in May with four scheduled trips (Victoria, Nelson, Ottawa, Calgary), and the sense that I don’t have the time to put into making the changes I need to see in my life and my relationship. Colliding anxieties, and the realization that I can’t do everything at the same time.

I’m looking forward to being bored again come June.

(PS – for those of you who haven’t seen a picture of my sweetie, I took some on the weekend finally and there’s a fairly decent one posted here: http://www.flickr.com/photos/redcedar/)