Red Cedar
More apocalypse, less angst
My inner child is impatient.
My regional union convention starts tomorrow, and from then until Sunday afternoon I will be awash in electioneering and politics. Four days, and then I leave for another bargaining session in Ottawa. Tonight I have to pack for both since between the convention and the trip, I won’t have time to go home.
I’ve given up trying to have a balanced life during particular times (April/May and Sept/Oct being my busiest months) – instead saving up my angst until I get into the periods where less is expected of me. No bargaining in July or August, nothing except work really. When I only have one fulltime job, my life gets a lot easier.
Last night, Brian and I had a scheduling crisis. Or more honestly, I had a crisis over some scheduling details because it’s getting increasingly difficult to fit times together in. There are reasons for that beyond just my crazy work schedule, and the whole thing left me quite frustrated because there are some things about reality that just can’t be changed on a whim. Like finite time, and other people’s issues.
It’s temporary, and it’s part of negotiating a new relationship, and it’s what happens when the two people in the relationship have somewhat complicated lives. This much I know. And it makes it easier to take most of the time. But sometimes I’m not able to overcome the inner child who wants what she wants right now! (And that’s not just a relationship characteristic either).
It’s a good thing we are in love and really digging each other the rest of the time – or the difficult stuff would be even more so. And I suppose it’s what relationships are – measures of one thing against another. On the one hand I’m not used to having to schedule around multiple people’s needs, or actively missing someone when I or they are away. But on the other, it is deeply comforting to have someone in my life who is really “on my side”. That’s something I had forgotten all about – it’s been ages since anyone in my life filled the role of partner and cheerleader 🙂
And you know, last night he came to my home with three kinds of good cheese, olive tapenade, bread and dried figs – plus four books for me (two graphic novels, a history of mug shots and a novel that looks decent)…. Just because he felt like it. Which is as good a physical manifestation of “I love you,” as I have ever seen.
Am I worried? Not at all. But stressed? Yes. I’ve got an election coming up, a busy month in May with four scheduled trips (Victoria, Nelson, Ottawa, Calgary), and the sense that I don’t have the time to put into making the changes I need to see in my life and my relationship. Colliding anxieties, and the realization that I can’t do everything at the same time.
I’m looking forward to being bored again come June.
(PS – for those of you who haven’t seen a picture of my sweetie, I took some on the weekend finally and there’s a fairly decent one posted here: http://www.flickr.com/photos/redcedar/)
Fidget. Fidget.
I’m fidgety and easily distracted today, a condition which I am sure is tied to my upcoming election (Saturday). In all likelihood, this state of being will only intensify over the next few days and so really, I feel sorry for anyone who actually has to deal with me between now and then.
I’ve been trying to write this post since noon, but apparently the telephone gods have been angered and I have been interrupted many times by the ring ring of someone else needing something else. I’m giving up now, except to say that I’m really thankful for the supportive people in my life right now. You know who you are.
Lucas
Looked after my friend’s son Lucas on Saturday night (which was delightful – really, what an awesome kid) and snapped this picture Sunday morning in the park. This one being my favourite of a bunch of good ones.
No it's not a conspiracy.
It is, however, a collusion of class interests. Yeah, sometimes that looks like the same thing, but the collusion doesn’t rely on one or two people (a shadowy illuminati-type organization) – but all members of the owning class operating on the same premise: their own dominance. PNAC and other elite corporate organizations wouldn’t exist if that collusion weren’t already in effect in every possible way imaginable. (Wage slave anyone?)
Makes it much scarier if you ask me.
Me, in a few short words.
Gah. Posting has been spotty lately – and this was after I promised longer, more literary posts too! I suppose that it just goes to show that I can’t be trusted to always be entertaining. Or something.
It’s been just a regular week – you know – a little work, a little trip to Prince George, and some drinks last night with Jess. Mostly I’m preoccupied with the fact that my union convention starts this Thursday and my big election is on Saturday afternoon. There has been at least one development in my favour which is the incumbent in the position has announced that she is not running and supporting me instead, but on the other hand I’ve heard rumours of at last two other people who might throw their hat into the race. We’ll see. Win or lose, nothing in my life will change very much – and it’s not like there aren’t other union positions to run for at different points (I am already considering running for another term on the bargaining team even though we haven’t finished this round yet). I just hate the idea of losing in front of other people. A lot.
I’m getting my hair done on Wednesday though, so at least if I lose I’ll look good doing it.
I had a dream last night that I was taking photographs in low light without a tripod – and while they were all fairly focused, they came out grainy. That’s just the part of the dream I remember, it was one of those very pictorial nights. I’ve also been having odd sex dreams this week that I’m not going to write about here. Don’t need to give the Freudians any more ammunition after all!
More posting soon – but the next couple of weeks will be a bit patchy, what with union convention and going back to Ottawa for bargaining and all.
Red Cedar 