Post #3090: In which I catch my breath

Last weekend I finished a new top, pictured above. It’s the Cashmerette Webster top/dress – which I made a muslin of back in early December to see if I would like it better as a dress or a top. Top won – and I made this version out of some stash fabric (Nani Iro double-gauze) that I have been waiting to use for two and a half years! Since making this top, I’ve worn it five times – a clear indicator that I will need to make another top from this pattern.

I’ve got many things cut out at the moment, or ready to be, and I’ve just salvaged two unfinished jackets from the sewing basket where things to go die. If I get myself in the right mode, I will have some new clothes for spring.

At the moment, I’ve got a few days off work – taken in a bit of a fit last week, when I reached the end of a high-pressure project (and ongoing overtime for months), and my brain kind of broke, snapped or whatever. One might call it a nervous breakdown – but given that I seem to be returning to myself rather quickly, I’m going to settle with extreme burnout as a better description. I’ve got until Monday off, and if I’m still feeling foggy, then I’ll take a few more days. At this point the emotional upheaval (crying) has tapered off and I’m just feeling very slow. Not depressed – just as though my brain has come to a bit of a crawl.

I’m taking things easy and trying to figure out what steps I can take to better protect myself, my boundaries, and free time in the future so that I can get the necessary time out that I need to function. Part of the issue is that I have not taken a total break from work and union responsibilities in a year – even when I take time off I check email and often end up working – and while I thought I could get away with that, I realize now that I can’t. Also, I should always schedule a week off in February because I always need one. And I don’t need to hoard work – it is entirely possible to share my workload better with my team.

Anyhow – I’ve returned to zazen after a week without (what a mistake, I always drop it when I most need it), and am focused on going in – in order to get out of this state I’m in. There is nowhere else to go right now I’m afraid – it’s all me, or nothing. Or it’s nothing and all me. Because zen.

So I’m here, and sewing – fixing up this blog to reflect the focus of it a bit better – and packing up for an overnight to Tofino tomorrow. I’m sure I’ll have more things to say on all of these topics shortly.

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