Red Cedar
More apocalypse, less angst
Post #3013: More things of spring…..
On the weekend I went to Victoria to see my family and took a hundred photographs of blooming flowers in Playfair Park – a place my mother lived next door to in the 1940s, and where a house my grandfather helped build still stands (his family did not live in the house, the lived in the apartment building of the landlord who was building the house). It’s quite a remarkable place at this time of year – in the 1950s, there was a significant volunteer effort which resulted in one of the most amazing rhododendron (aster, camelia, etc) gardens you can see anywhere in BC. It’s all in full bloom right now, so if you are near there – go and take a walk. I promise you won’t be sorry about it – there are many places where you are literally canopied by flowers – and it smells as good as it looks!
The spring weather and our impending move have me restless at the moment – to the degree that I am experiencing anxiety (the real kind) about all things. It doesn’t help that I find it hard to meditate in this state, which further compounds the anxious feeling, along with the fact that we are spending money on things for the move (something that triggers all sorts of weird feelings that stem from childhood about the ‘badness’ of spending money). I have a two day retreat with Norman Fischer coming up this weekend, and I’m curious about how it will be to sit still and focus on my breathing for two days in the midst of these heightened feelings of insecurity. Meditation retreats present differently each and every time (so says me who started doing retreats only a year ago!) – and are so influenced by the context in which we take them. I’ve just blocked off work time for two more (longer) retreats – one this summer, and one in November – as I am committed to practicing with my zen community when possible, even though I am moving off the mainland.
Despite this buzzing feeling (or perhaps because of it), I am ready for new creative projects. I’ve been putting thought into a new website for our home, music and podcast. I’ve started learning about podcast recording and editing, thinking about story structure, and all the like of that. Brian and I are well into planning two parties, one for the cabin (May work party) and our housewarming (August long weekend). And I’ve got six lengths of dress fabric sitting out on the ironing board waiting to be turned into tank tops, shirts and cycling tunics for summer. I’ve got just shy of six weeks until we move – five really until pack-up – and I intend to have all this sewn up before we go. I hope that’s really possible, but given the simplicity of the base pattern I am using, I think it is. Since I’m desperately in need of some new tops I’m feeling pretty motivated (this has the added bonus of being a procrastination maneuver).
And just in June I’ve got a full calendar already, a loom that wants refurbishing, a new home to organize, a meeting in Ottawa, and a wedding in Bella Coola to attend.
On the other hand, there is so much energy in this season that everything seems possible, colourful, and light.
3 Comments on “Post #3013: More things of spring…..”
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Red Cedar 
I know that rhodo section, and yes, it’s singular.
Anxious meditation is hard for me too, but I do it anyways. Mokso(sp?) is a small part of our school’s practice (every class begins with at least a token moment), but we do have one teacher for whom it is a large part and emphasizes following your breathing. It’s occasionally surprising how trying to focus on breathing for two minutes can quell an anxious mood. It’s like a slow motion switch.
Megan! You are the most fiendishly productive person I know. Your energy and output blows my mind. And yet, you find the time to spend hours staring at a white wall, doing nothing. Please explain.
Ha! I’m all big plans and no action. You should see the state of my to-read pile.