Red Cedar
More apocalypse, less angst
Post #2075: We never stand still
I have been away from my life most of the last two weeks – first in meditation retreat, and then I left almost straight for Gatineau (the lesser cousin to Ottawa) where I post from now. It feels like forever that I have been gone, and I’m reminded of the years in which I lived like this non-stop. The years before I met Brian and we made a home together, when I didn’t mind whether I was home or in a hotel.
That it makes such a difference to me now speaks to how my life has changed in the last eight years. I remember telling Brian when I met him that he was just going to have to live with the fact that I was on the road all the time. And he was totally willing to accept that! But as it turned out….. I wasn’t. The last significant period of travel for me – when I was on the road for about three months solid – came to a close five years ago this month (I remember, because I’ve got a date on my collective agreement that proves it).
We are so often faced with moments that remind us of where we have been, and where we belong now. I am having one of them tonight – lonely in a Ramada in the wasteland of a casino district, processing another loss from my past, thinking about how easy it is to fail to notice what’s important, how we are conditioned to forget to awaken to our lives before they are over.
While I make no pretenses to having discovered my true nature, I do take some comfort in a life that is more settled now than it was ten years ago – and a love that has built a home where I would far rather spend my days than in the hotels of *any* country.
Red Cedar 
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