On Monday I took the day off work to catch up on some alone time and relax off some insomnia I’d been having… making this short week even shorter, and giving me some much needed blogging and reading time. I managed to get my domain for Among the Weeds registered and make some updates over there as well as clean-up some other pages on the site.
Over here, at Red Cedar, I decided to take a look at the page “To Live For” which is a list of one hundred things I live for, most of which were drafted about five years ago when I first moved to the Sunshine Coast and was going through a bit of a depressive period. Recently it’s been pointed out to me that this list has gotten woefully out of date as both relationships as well as living situations have changed quite a bit, not to mention fascinations and excitements. While I didn’t rewrite the whole list, I was surprised at how many I did change that didn’t have anything to do with relationships or living situations.
In all, I changed about 30 of the 100 items on the list, which gave me a chance to reflect on how my priorities for security and feeling good have changed in the last five years. Quite frankly I discovered that love and security is pretty much the most important thing to me now, and all references to anger and fighting the state have dropped right off the list. Not because I don’t believe that anger and resistance are important tools for making change, but quite simply I don’t “live for” confrontation anymore. I don’t derive a lot of my power from anger or dark spaces in the way that I used to. Where I do get my strength is from the positives in my life: my home, my garden, my partner. Which is a pretty nice place to arrive after a sometimes very rocky journey.
This is not to say that all struggle has passed, because that is simply a constant no matter who you are, but it’s good to take stock of the things that feed us and recognize them for where they come from. Are we taking our power from positive space? And if we take our power from the negative, then what other ways does that affect us?