Red Cedar
More apocalypse, less angst
Escaping.
I’m a little under the weather these days – mild cold, bladder infection leading to nauseating antibiotics, having some trouble sleeping. Crotchety is probably the best way to describe how I’m feeling right now, like the days are too long and I’m fed up with everyone I encounter. I am hopeful the weekend will be better as I look forward to Thanksgiving dinner on Sunday night.
Like I wrote earlier this week, things are a bit heavy in my world at the moment. Not only have I decided to sell my place on the coast, but my family (parents, brother & sister-in-law) are having some trouble these days that have left me not knowing how to respond. It all feels off at the moment, I don’t trust my own responses and so in the midst of what should be a time of joy (my brother about to be a father) I find myself wondering about how we continue these relationships at all? How do we forgive without capitulating to repetitive bad behaviour?
I’m a bit stuck in a negative loop as a result, wishing mostly that it would all pass without too much emotional effort on my part. If I delve too much into what is really bothering me about the family situation, I find a well of old hurts and snubs that take me further away rather than bringing me closer to a resolution. And so I’d rather just read books and pretend the real world doesn’t exist right now. I’d mostly just like to be left alone for a little while.
A trip to McLeod’s on my way home from work is in order, I think, for some second-hand books to add to the already-large reading pile. Always a reading pile (two at the moment, in fact), but always something more to add to it. Right now looking for the next book Brian and I will read outloud – some sort of classic I think. Some totally other world.
One Comment on “Escaping.”
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Red Cedar 
Wow.. did you ever just describe my moods these days.. I have resorted to hiding under the covers watching Scooby Doo videos. Stupid predictable plot lines seem to soothe me right now for some odd reason. I hope the long weekend leaves you feeling rested rather than drained.