Validating identity is motivation enough.

I had forgotten the nitpickiness of writing and how much I enjoy turning phrases over and over until they flow just right. With the blog, it’s all just and whatever I want to say – a minor edit before publishing – but little finessing otherwise. Not so with poems and other pieces. It’s been both obsessive and fun this week, and I’m just grateful that I’ve got friends willing to read things more than once (not to mention that supportive Brian I keep writing about – he gets even more excited than I do about the finished stuff).

It’s weird though, working on all this polished stuff and posting none of it here – after four and a half years of publishing everything except my most private journals in this space. But according to most magazines and journals – even self-publishing on the web is considered “prior publication” – a no-no when submitting work for consideration. Not that I’m there yet, but I suspect with some of these pieces I will be shortly. At the very least I am working towards a body of work for portfolio purposes in the future (should I ever decide to pursue that MFA in Creative Writing) – and it’s important that it appear fresh, even if it has been around for a little while – I don’t need it all google-able back three or four years.

So there are reasons for this withholding – but it does beg the question of why bother with literary magazines and contests and publishers when I could just as easily promote and share my work here. I’m certainly not writing for remuneration, and am not under the illusion that Canadian writers actually make a living this way (a very few do, but most don’t). I don’t aspire to fame through the tiny circles of the lit community – because that would be a very stupid way to go about becoming “known”. And I’m definitely not in need of more to do in my life!

I suppose being published is the validation of identity I can’t get in any other way. That is, I’ve aspired to write since I was five years old, and have written throughout my whole life. I’m sure I’ve expounded here before on the length of time it’s taken to even allow myself the identity I most desired, even as I have been hired to professional writing and leant my words to many causes. A major piece to solidifying that description of myself is of course, external validation – which is partly what I’m working towards now. Certainly it’s not the only motivation to my writing as I sense the ability for real improvement given daily dedication – but it’s a strong one.

It does feel a little though like I’m cheating my most faithful readers by withholding the good stuff after practicing here for so many years – I do hold out hope my blogging will continue to improve as I hone my “literary” stuff. For those of you interested in doing some critiquing, I would be honoured to draw on your reading skills as I continue to improve my practice. And for those of you who aren’t interested, I promise shortly I will at least post here about the material I am working on (for the curious). It may all go nowhere, but I’m hopeful at the moment that there is enough there to build a body of work on and the possibility of publishing somewhere in the future.