Meh. Whine.

I am struggling with some sort of mysterious bacterial infection that seems to be holding onto my insides despite the fact I am on my second round of antibiotics as of yesterday. I suspect that I perhaps had two different infections and only one has been treated properly, so I’ve got another appointment tomorrow to get things checked out. It’s making me tired and a bit grumpy, but not tired or grumpy enough to stay home from work. So I’m at my desk, have a meeting to speak at over lunch time and I’m hoping to drop my computer off at MacStation afterwards. Really I just want to curl up and feel sorry for myself.

And yes, I know people. It’s because I drive myself too hard. I don’t need the lecture. (Nor do I believe I would be sick less often if I did less. Really, it’s remarkable how rarely I get ill.)

The thing I hate most about being sick is how utterly destroyed my confidence is by it. Like I’m so defective because of this momentary health lapse that no one will want to listen to me speak, date me, or really come near me (leper!). Ridiculous, yes, but I have to make a real effort not to succumb to those beliefs when I’m not feeling well. Probably has to do with the fact so much of my self-worth is based on what I can *do*, and if I’m not well I’m not doing as much as I *should* be.

Oh. *Whine*.

Really it’s not that bad, I’m just sluggish and overwhelmed by the approaching holidays. This weekend is the one for getting gifts and also making plans for my party next Friday in terms of food and supplies. I’m also planning on going to Emily’s (MCEhawk) on Saturday night for her party, but I’m wondering if anyone is interested in going the Leaky Heaven event at the Russian hall partway through the night as well (short performances for very short attention spans). If you are, let me know because I think it might be a fun thing to go off to for a bit and it’s just down in Strathcona.