Inward, outward.

It’s a comfort to have three years of writing online to read through. To remind me of the winding way I’ve fashioned my life, and since I started writing here in particular. A journey, a struggle, a story revealed page by page. And it strikes me that although the last three years (and the last two in particular) look emotionally erratic, there have been periods of much greater stability in my life. They are not reflected here of course, as they predate my blog, and they wouldn’t have made for much interesting reading anyhow. But I do remember long periods in which my emotional life remained pretty much the same, when I was married for example… or in the two years following my separation from Darren. Which doesn’t mean that I was without angst – but I didn’t regard it with the same furrowed investigation I do now. Then again, I also didn’t seize up whenever someone rang the doorbell either.

My prayers last night were cathartic, unlocking me and revealing things I had not realized before. It is only recently I have come to prayer, not so much as a mechanism for reaching God (my faith still being wholly undetermined) but for accessing myself, much in the way I have with meditation. The difference however between meditation and prayer for me is palpable and I’ve discovered a preference for the latter (since I’ve gotten over the self-consciousness of actually doing it). In any case, I slept soundly through the night without the thrash of dreams for the first time in awhile – and these particular insights do give me some small solace to go forward on.

In the other news of real life – the wheels of the system are moving again and it looks like Darren will be moved to his designated facility this week (FDC Sheridan) where he will be housed for the next year or so. We should find out his projected release date shortly after he moves, but he has it calculated for next August. He is also working on an essay about Operation Backfire that should be available on his support website by the end of this month. Generally he is well and feeling okay about things which has allowed him to be a decent support to me in the last few days (despite the fact they have been on lockdown for most of the last week, he calls during the brief respites from his cell).

And for those of you who have been asking when we are going to do a show again – the Flying Folk Army is playing this Saturday at some community fair at the Kensington Complex/Park in Burnaby. We’ve got a casual set between 1:15 and 2:15 on the grounds – and we are also talking about organizing another proper show for East Van sometime in the not too distant future. Though we’ll see. It’s difficult to schedule us these days with our disparate lives, though with the level I miss performance it seems worth it to try.

So you see, it’s like this. And I’ll be fine. I’m thinking my next post should be bookish as I’ve been reading ferociously of late and haven’t posted a single review. A little external focus is never a bad thing.