Red Cedar
More apocalypse, less angst
A textbook case
I realized sometime late last night that in fact, I probably wasn’t suffering from the flu at all – but something more like strep throat… So first thing this morning I went down to the clinic to be told by the doctor, that indeed I am suffering from a text-book case of strep. Fortunately, that is easily remedied with antibiotics, that usually act pretty quickly. Unfortunately, I am one of those people susceptible to strep, as I suffered from it often as a child. It’s one of those things that you either suffer from recurrently, or not at all.
I am feeling a bit better this morning anyways, enough that I could leave the apartment to go down the street, and am even planning on venturing out later to rent some dvds. I’m on a bit of an intermittent sleep pattern at the moment – pass out for an hour, wake up in pain, take some more advil… wait until it kicks in, sleep for an hour etc. As such I’m a bit dazed…
Had a lover end the sexual aspect of our relationship last night, over the phone, with the promise of remaining friends… even though I’m not sure either of us know what the friendship would consist of without the sex. As I was saying to a friend online this morning – I have lots of lovely, wonderful friends who treat me with respect and who I enjoy being around… I’m not sure that I need to keep ex-lovers who have broken my heart in the circle. Ex-partners, I think, are somewhat different because of the depth of the relationship – but ex-lovers usually fray off once the sex is over. At least that’s been my experience. I guess I’m not opposed to it, but I can hardly see how I would want to put the effort in when I barely have time for the people in my life who make me feel good. Perhaps that makes me heartless, or just a pragmatist – but I am feeling the need to protect myself from any further hurt, and I can’t see any way around it other than to sever ties at least temporarily.
The best thing about Darren in my life as an ex-partner is that he is always suitably defensive of me whenever a lover or boyfriend doesn’t appreciate me the way he thinks they should. Even before jail, he has always been like that… I think, in a way, he realizes how much he under-appreciated me and *hates* to see anyone else do it now. It’s nice sometimes to have someone get annoyed on your behalf…
In any event, I know it’s for the best even though I’m sad about its end. I’m glad it happened when I was sick and already feeling crappy too – I feel like by the end of the weekend I will have both the sick and the relationship somewhat out of my system, and can focus on holiday parties and other fun stuff. Huzzah, to get all the toxic out of my body at once.
3 Comments on “A textbook case”
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Red Cedar 
ugh…you got strep throat too? seems like that’s the hip thing these days. I was sick and i thought it would go away, but it kept going and going…finally got un-lazy, got diagnosed with strep and got some pills.
Normally i’m only sick for a couple days every year, but it seems like this fall it’s been a couple weeks instead of days.
funny how as we get older we are so much more careful about who we keep in our lives. i have lost touch with lovers that in the past i would have felt some moral obligation to keep as friends. the reality is that they were lovers not friends. when that past there was little friendship to fall back on. even some of my exs i feel that way about it. how lucky that we have more than enough solid friends so that this kind of thing is a non-issue.
Julia – It’s definitely an age thing with me. An age thing and a security in knowing that an awful low of people are there for me, have been there for me and my social calendar is only non-booked when I allow it to be. This has really come home in the past couple of years – knowing I have solid community in both Victoria and Vancouver and that it comes from a diversity of places. I won’t say this person has no place in my life – cause I’m done with saying never – but as it is I’ve got catching up to do with my friends I haven’t been able to see lately cause of work…
There’s also just an element in this that’s about men as friends – since in general men do less work in platonic friendships. I have some very specific and close male friends, but in general, I find straight friendships with men to be more work than those I have with women who at least *reciprocate* in terms of emotional commitment, social calls and the like. The other component of this is also, of course, that once the male “friend” gets a girlfriend, you end up all but dropped from his life. Fortunately, I have a few excellent male friends who are a credit to their gender – but they are the exception rather than the rule.