Red Cedar
More apocalypse, less angst
a morning swim
a bouquet from my haphazard and way overgrown garden.
the weather is forecasted for showers later this afternoon, so i took advantage of the sun this morning and went for a swim before breakfast at secret beach, a pretty little spot just outside gibsons landing. i hadn’t been there before, but i am trying to challenge my lack of local knowledge by checking out places that seem to hold the promise of something to do. at first i went up to bonniebrook, but the beach there is way too rocky, and it looked pretty open and choppy, so i turned back towards town and found the narrow trail in between houses that leads down steeply to the “secret” beach.
lucky me, there was only one other person on the beach (smoking a joint and walking her dog) so i changed into my bathing suit and went for a dip, taking my time to get used to the cold water and then just allowing myself to just be, floating around, paddling a bit as the waves necessitated. i realized afterwards i probably could have just swum naked there, but i wasn’t sure how busy it would be so i was hedging against modesty. the beach there is a mix of sand and small rocks, pretty easy on the feet – and the water was just the right temperature to get the qi moving. after about 20 minutes i dried off and then went for breakfast before running a couple of errands and returning home.
i am just now relaxing after having done some small repotting of plants on the deck and general house-tidying.
i have been struggling with self-motivation lately, and then finding myself bored but not really interested in making myself do something to make myself unbored. partly i think it’s related to an intense self-consciousness i feel whenever i go out, as i still don’t feel like i have a place here in this community. of course, unless i start interacting more with people that will never change. i don’t remember moving to a new town being this difficult in the past (in terms of meeting people), but i suspect that was related to me being younger and less shy about new situations. going out to find a place to swim today (and i will definitely return there) seemed like a really big deal to me until i just forced myself to go and do it… and then it wasn’t a big deal at all and the water was gorgeous and i felt so amazing that i didn’t want to get out…. i think i have to keep reminding myself of these moments and eventually i’ll get over these little phobias about new situations and get on with living in this town for real.
One Comment on “a morning swim”
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Red Cedar 
i had a great time camping in mission on the weekend, with a group of friends who were all down with naked swimming. it was nice to just get up in the morning, go down to the beach, and jump in. if you have to worry about other people’s conservative views on the body, it sorta takes the joy out of swimming.
also, i hear what you’re saying about the motivation. For me, it helps if i identify specific things i do when i’m “doing nothing”, and then i can avoid those. For example, i used to go to my computer and go to certain web pages just for the sake of seeing a bunch of headlines, but now i know that when i’m going to those specific pages it means i’m just avoiding something. When i’m about to type the address in, i’m now triggered to think “oh ya, this means that i’m slacking. i’ve got better things to do.” This idea comes from Constructive Criticism by Gracie Lyons. great book 🙂 i take all the maoist parts with a grain of salt, but the rest of it is excellent.