Red Cedar
More apocalypse, less angst
just an update
i have been neglectful of people in my life lately and so i apologize if you are waiting for an email response from me and have not gotten one yet – i have a list of people who i have responses composed to half in my head and you will be hearing from me shortly.
although my mood has been relatively good lately, i have felt stuck in an inability to communicate with the world – very inward focused and project-oriented – not to mention the fact i am immersed in schoolwork. i sense this is changing and in the coming days the block i seem to be plagued with will come apart, allowing for more reflections to come forth in this space – but until then i will focus on clearing the backlog of responses i owe people and post some pictures of projects i am working on as they come to fruition.
a reminder
when you consider something like death, after which (there being no news flash to the contrary) we may well go out like a candle flame, then it probably doesn’t matter if we try too hard, are awkward sometimes, care for one another too deeply, are excessively curious about nature, are too open to experience, enjoy a nonstop expense of the senses in an effort to know life intimately and lovingly. it probably doesn’t matter if, while trying to be modest and eager watchers of life’s many spectacles, we sometimes look clumsy or get dirty or ask stupid questions or reveal our ignorance or say the wrong thing or light up with wonder like the children we all are. it probably doesn’t matter if a passerby sees us dipping a finger into the moist pouches of dozens of lady’s slippers to find out what bugs tend to fall into them, and thinks us a bit eecentric. or a neighbor, fetching her mail, sees us standing in the cold with our letters in one hand and a seismically red autumn leaf in the other, its color hitting our senses like a flow from a stun gun, as we stand with a huge grin, too paralyzed by the intricately veined gaudiness of the leaf to move.
– from – A Natural History of the Senses by Diane Ackerman
less than charming
i am finding myself less than charming today and i just had a meeting with a manager and a human resources advisor about a case i am working on as a shop steward, and am wishing i could have been a little bit more *on* – though i’m not sure if i feel uneasy because of the manager’s awkwardness or mine.
some days i really don’t like myself for no good reason – i just don’t understand it because other days i think i am great. i strongly suspect brain chemistry has something to do with it. i wish i could schedule all my meetings for days when i don’t feel like a loser.
in any case, i am going to drink beers with jess tonight as that seems to be the only real option at this point.
blog-spam
i hate to have to do this – but due to bad blog-comment spam (yes, spammers now try to flood blog-comment areas with their nonsense) i have had to make all comments moderated. if you comment on one of my posts (which i really encourage – then i know that people are reading!) it won’t show up until i approve it. i promise to approve everything that isn’t spam – this is not something i want to do – but have to in order to save my blog from being hijacked by the spam pirates.
marry an amercian?
whaddya think – time to marry an american?
Red Cedar 