Red Cedar
More apocalypse, less angst
it's going to be one of those weeks
got to the ferry terminal this morning at 6 only to find out that due to a “bearing” problem, the first sailing was cancelled. knowing this would only mean a huge hassle getting to work on the 8:20 (because of the way busses work on the other side), i decided to return home and work from here – i have a big policy document i’m working on that keeps getting dropped to the bottom of my to do pile, and home is about the only place i can force myself to work on it (less distractions from other work demands).
on my way home, i decided to swing by the roberts creek breakwater and watch the crescent moon go down as the light broke the clouds – and snapped a few mediocre photos – wishing i had my tripod and trying to keep steady on the wet wood railing. the one at the top of the post was the best of a sorry lot….. gorgeous fresh morning though – and i felt almost fortunate the ferry broke down and i got to spend a few minutes just soaking up the early morning air at high tide.
i suspect it’s going to be one of those weeks where the union takes up more of my time than my actual paid work. not only do i have a whole day of union-management meetings on thursday, and union convention friday-sunday – i just got off the phone with a member whose supervisors have requested her presence (avec union rep) in a meeting first thing tomorrow morning. i suspect it may be a termination hearing as they are being very evasive as to the purpose of the meeting.
this gets my stomach all in knots for three reasons: 1) the supervisor and the manager in this case are both people who are allies to me in the workplace – it’s harder for me to be objective even though we are all clear on our roles in a case such as this; 2) i have represented this member in the past in disciplinary matters (there have been several), and she really does nothing to help herself at all (she even lied to me during preparation for one hearing); and, 3) i hate seeing anyone lose their job or be disciplined for any reason, and i hate being witness to this type of emotional event in other people’s lives who i’m not particularly close to.
99.9% of the time the members i represent in hearings and grievances are people i feel i can really go to bat for, but every once and awhile there are the cases where it’s just hard to fight – it becomes a case where i have a legal “duty to represent” – and that pretty much sums up the role. it’s a little like being a lawyer in that way – even if you think the person is guilty you still have a job to stand up and argue for them – except i don’t get paid a lawyer’s wages. so that’s tomorrow morning scheduled already, though it probably won’t take more than an hour at best…. it’s a hell of a way to start the day.
*sigh* – it’s not even noon yet and all this to write already! back to work i go.
steady work solitaire
there was a brief moment this afternoon when the sun came out and these tulips in the front yard caught my eye. since most of the day was a torrential downpour, it seemed appropriate to catch the small moment of striking colour as the sun flitted through the break. unfortunately it did not last and blue sky has only come back just now as dusk is falling.
today was spent divided between chores and projects. since i spent last weekend away and was incapacitated by exhaustion most of the week i had a bunch of stuff to get done this weekend. i did manage to put an hour and a half into music this morning – and i realized that before i stopped playing entirely in october i had put new strings on my fiddle and was working on some music i quite like from both the bluegrass and klezmer traditions. it was great to go back to that today, though unfortunately my small muscle co-ordination and stamina need some work as i am horrendously out of shape. this isn’t the first time i have quit for an extended period of time and i always end up kicking myself for letting it go so dramatically. (thank-goddess for muscle memory)…. i need to find some other musicians to play with up here — i’m really not such a good self-motivator without a band, even though i love the noises i make on my own….
i’ve also been kicking around some ideas for the bob everton colloquium since i’ve been asked to supply a title for my “intervention” as the program is being prepared. i’m thinking of something like “appropriating technology: security, internet services and the struggle” though i’m not so sure about that as a title, it is likely going to be the theme of what i talk about – how resist! and projects like it provide a necessary link in the radical media continuum in an era of increased security concerns and state crackdown on activism – essentially.
last night i was reading a piece a friend wrote about bob and something in it, a phrase he used often (“democracy without participation is simply rhetoric”), reminded me with startling clarity of the sound of his voice – of the look he would have had on his face saying such a thing, the taste for revolutionary change that never wore off. the loss of him is still so strong in my heart, even three months later i find it difficult to believe i am preparing a talk for an academic memorial in his honour – am not sure i can speak about him in public without my eyes tearing at the corners.
but it is all part of the process i know, and i suspected that working on this brief talk would stir in me some of the grieving not yet put to rest…..
besides that i started working on the concept for the piece for the art & craft auction though i’m pretty sure the piece i am working on to flesh it out will not be the piece that ends up there (i’m not even sure i have the time to put something together in the middle of my move – but it’s giving me a chance to think through a small project idea that has been in my head for awhile….). i plan to finish stitching the top row of the project i have been working on for the past two months tonight and will post a picture here later (after i finish with the laundry – bleah).
music and moving
it really doesn’t feel the same as last time, this moving houses. when i read back the posts from packing my apartment on commercial drive and all the sorrow involved in that, i’m reminded that i’m not nearly so fragile as i was eight months ago. i don’t feel driven out, i am not afraid of myself or anyone else, nor am i melancholic for other periods of my life. quite the opposite, i have been feeling incredibly empowered and affirmed lately in who i have become over the last few years (and yes, i know the last couple years of difficulty are an important part of that as much as i would rather have not gone through them).
i managed to get my g3 laptop hooked up to the stereo and about half my music collection transferred onto it. for the first time ever i can listen to my whole collection of goran bregovic through proper speakers (alll 5.25 hours worth) much of which i have never burned out to cd. i realized today when i was working on paring down the system that the g3 was really a computer on the brink when the logic board died last – the cd player doesn’t work, the speakers are shot, the keys are all fucked up and of course the logic board is so tenous it can never be a portable machine again – making it an excellent static candidate for serving up music.
and on a totally unrelated note – my landladies called me today to tell me once more how disappointed they are with me because we had a verbal agreement i would stay for a year (note – verbal agreement – they didn’t want a lease because they wanted the flexibility to move back in if their circumstances changed). i do understand their frustration though because it’s pretty clear i’m acting solely in my own interest and not in anyone else’s in this situation. i don’t do that very often – act in my own interest without feeling guilty about it – but i’m having a hard time mustering much concern in this case – i can’t afford to pay the rent out until august, and there is a rental shortage on the sunshine coast so the house won’t sit empty – it really sums up to a minor inconvenience to the owners.
anyhow – it was just a day today – getting things done to move and hauling boxes out of the basement for packing – which i started on the books this afternoon. i promise not to blog endlessly about the moving process this time as i know how tedious that gets… suffice to say it’s progressing as it should be.
counting the commitments
well – it’s two o clock and i’ve already far surpassed the normal workload for the day – abusive members of the public, protests and all….. i surprise myself sometimes at how well i am able to handle the issues that arise in my place of work – that actually, i really am pretty good at what i do (even when operating with a slight hangover, a cold, and only 4 hours of sleep).
i’ve got a lot on just now and keep making new commitments, not out of obligation, but because the divergent weirdness of my life seems endlessly fascinating to me at the moment – i don’t really want to let go of any of it. i made the list below as a way of reminding myself of what things are in the schedule not to be forgotten in the pace of taking possession of my new home and moving in (this being a complicated process). my plans for the weekend include turning my old G3 laptop into a music server and making it function as part of my stereo system, designing a piece to work on for the may 7th art and craft show/auction, and taking apart the chinese bell tree i have no use for so i can turn it into an set of hanging chimes. plus, i also have to start packing, book a mover, and my friend harsfa has threatened to visit on saturday if the weather isn’t too yuck.
one major missing thing is the need to start playing my fiddle again (and working the vocal cords) since it’s been ages since i’ve taken music seriously and i’m starting to really long for it. the party last friday reminded me that i love my violin more than almost anything else in the world and i’ve been woefully neglectful of late (unforgivable!)
so yup – i’m counting the commitments right now, knowing that with my really good headspace i am pretty confident of getting most of these completed within the necessary time period. (sheesh – i just looked at the time – it is now waaay after two – i got dragged away for more working….)
Life:
Union Convention – April 8-10
Moving – April 29th
Seattle – April 30th
Victoria – mid-May
Seattle Folklife Show – May 28th
Projects:
Writing Piece for new online magazine – Fear of Monkeys (soon)
Campaign bio and speaking points for PSAC BC elections (April 7th)
Talk for Bob Everton Colloquium (May 6th)
Piece for Art & Craft Auction to benefit the Hastings 7 (May 7th)
The Little Sister Guide to Fighting Big Brother (book – ongoing, completion Dec 2005)
School:
Paper for Psych 323 (Due May 31)
Final Exam for Psych 323 (May 31)
worth on the planet?
it’s been one of those plug-in the headphones and work like crazy days. there is something about reformatting 100-page reports for the internet that depresses the hell out of me… my temperment is not so suited to tedious monkey-work, and after a day of it i start to wonder about my worth on the planet. i really am thinking that the minute a union communications position comes up i should get the hell out of here…. i mean, if i am going to stay in communications work i’d like to get back into regular strategic communications and out of technology project management. as long as i stay at fisheries i’ve been pigeon-holed as a geek and that’s probably the role i will stay in…..
there’s a lot of pressure here at work right now to assume a larger supervisory role for communications-technology work across the region – but with only a single person working for me now i’m afraid of overloading both her and i without getting the functional resources we need. it wouldn’t be so bad if everyone used the same systems – but unfortunately we have the most chaotic server and systems set up i have ever even heard of – which means having to navigate multiple environments to complete essentially the same tasks. i’m supposed to be working on an integration project when we move to the new internet server but since this is the busy time of year for us – i’m not getting to what i have to do on that yet.
i have a union meeting tonight and am meeting jess later for drinks – this should all make me feel more sane — for the meantime i think i might steal a little time at the end of the day to work on my book….. useful yes?
Red Cedar 