Red Cedar
More apocalypse, less angst
the anti-climax
after all the political excitement this week, friday just seems anti climactic. we have the same governments at both the provincial and federal levels with a few adjustments – but that’s about it…. the world continues to limp along under the leadership of the same white men it always has…. a new day for us indeed….
so very very tired i am today, even though i got a reasonable amount of sleep last night and didn’t even have a single drink after the presentation! i have had a severe lack of downtime this week, both at work and in the evenings and by this mid-afternoon friday i am *worn* *out*. i am looking foward to being done at work this afternoon and taking the little blue tercel down the highway to the ferry terminal… apparently anna and julia are looking to party tonight. i’m not sure how up for partying i am, but going along for the ride always results in interesting stories.
last night’s east van assembly on “policing the struggle” and police violence in the east side went reasonably well. lots of people turned up and there seemed to be some energy for taking some community action out of that process. we will see what actually happens next. in my experience it is really difficult to get tangibles out of large community meetings – but i am hoping to see some sort of community legal defense organization come together out of this as per one of my comrade’s suggestions. i spoke for a few minutes at the start to provide context for police violence against activists and went mostly off-the-cuff, and people seemed to be receptive to what i had to say. i always get so nervous! but then it works out okay. i don’t know what it will take for me to stop getting the voice shakes when i first start up. maybe just more practice…
my interest is in doing some popular education workshops in the downtown eastside that hinge on people’s rights under arrest and questioning – something that i can come into the city and do on a saturday but doesn’t require me to be going to organizing meetings every week. i have a couple of lawyer friends who i am thinking might be interested in helping out with something like that if i get the workshops structured and set up. we’ll see…. it’s not as though i don’t have a lot of work to do at the moment!
i am taking my camera to victoria this weekend, and hopefully i’ll get enough new shots to start posting photos with my blog entries again! i just don’t have a lot of stuff i like in the archives at the moment….
another day….
a solid night’s sleep makes for a world of difference – which is a good thing – because my presence in another disciplinary case has been requested for later this morning, and i need all the morale i can get at the moment. it must just be one of those weeks, that’s all i can account it to… some alignment of the stars and management that is making all these meetings line up like symbols on a slot-machine that pays out in wooden nickels.
last night i spent packing and reading – managed to plow through ursula k le guin’s 1971 classic, the lathe of heaven between yesterday and this morning’s ferry ride. i drove into town today because i am staying in tonight and leaving for victoria tomorrow after work….. i had considered cancelling my trip this weekend because the prospect of staying home and doing nothing is infinitely appealing at the moment. however, one of the plans i already made is a visit to a friend imprisoned at william head, and canceling with no way of letting him know would be a really shitty thing to do… so i’ve decided to go over and do nothing more than some low-key hanging out with friends… which is also a worthwhile break from some of the things going on at the moment.
as i have work to attend to (and lots of it), this will suffice for the moment – hopefully i will get a chance to post a little more later.
heart raptures 2
i just sat in on a horrible discipline hearing where a multi-week suspension was handed out. we of course, will be filing a grievance. in any case, i was reminded earlier today about my previous heart raptures list and how i had started building another list of 25 to get to my total of 100 heart raptures….. which i am posting here – to remind me of what things don’t make me feel quite so crummy as i do right now.
51) gypsy brass and russian-punk-cabaret
52) forest paths, worn from use, soft under the feet with needles and scent
53) fresh lavender in my pockets
54) art surprises in public spaces
55) the sun yat sen gardens in the downtown eastside
tired and grumpy and old
i am quite tired and a little grumpy today owing to a few drinks and a bad bout of insomnia last night after the election-night party at the wise. i drink so rarely these days, i forget how wrecked my body feels the next day after even one or two beers sometimes. it’s really unfortunate, but i think i’m getting to the point where i really don’t want to ingest alcohol very often at all. all this clean-country living has turned me into some total stranger but wow am i glad my body is finally learning to recognize toxic substances.
anyhow – i think the election results were decent, and having a funded ndp-opposition should make some marginal difference if we keep them accountable to bringing up the issues in the legislature that matter.
i’m feeling old today, and cynical, and sick of my job, and worn out from being a union rep (have another disciplinary hearing with a member today) – and if it wasn’t for the hearing this afternoon i would just go home early and take the rest of the day for mental health. a good night’s sleep tonight should cure me for tomorrow.
tips for slackers, and life in general
the main technique aiding work slackitude, is that when your boss comes around and asks you to deliver on something urgent, you do it efficiently and without error every time. this gives the illusion that such efficiency and competence exists all the time when clearly – having to perform like that 40+ hours a week, 52 weeks in the year – would be well impossible. lately i have been delivering product non-stop – presentations, written pieces, websites, and advisory notes – somehow managing to spend the vast majority of my day conceptualizing and designing (and typing… oh the wrists!) for the man…. (and yes, there is no denying – i do work for *the* man)
but that of course, offsets the slack times, and the times i am away from my desk on union business…..
my dad came into vancouver with me today and has gone back over to vancouver island, having helped me sort out some of the fundamental things about my new house (duh – where is the main water valve?). very useful to have someone show you things. he also bought me a weedeater. i hate these things because i’m not a big believer in weeds (it’s all in how you define a plant really) except for ivy which is invasive and kills trees. i have ivy behind my house and unfortunately it has a tendency to not only kill trees, but also grow into the siding and rip it apart. apparently this is why i “need” a weed eater (i would have been happy with a machete).
do i argue about these things? no, because there is no point and i live 6 hours and 2 ferry rides away (and besides which, am grateful for the other help, so why taint that by arguing about whether i need to own a weedeater or not?).
overall, this visit with my father was productive and not too argumentative – though i realized yesterday i had a golf-ball sized knot forming at the base of my neck, an old malady that plagued me during my formative years and all but disappeared when i moved out of the house at 17 (and reappeared during the last year of my marriage, but again went away upon my separation). fortunately the headaches didn’t start this time around (i would have needed a few more days before they would) – such is the learned response of one raised in a constant state of tension and mistrust… just a hint of control behaviours and my carefully reconstructed mental state starts to crumble.
even if the mind allows events to dull with time, it seems the body never forgets. or at least, it’s a lot of work to reset the triggers so it doesn’t drive itself into hyper-spasm.
despite recognizing this, there is no down in any of it. i feel quite good this election day and am looking forward to drinking beers in the pub tonight and watching the results slide in once the polls close. am having dinner with jess beforehand, and planning on staying at rob & thi’s. there is no doubt about it, hanging out in a pub talking sauce and politics is one of my favourite east van pastimes… even after all these years. i think i appreciate it even more now i don’t get to do it so often, having a more novel aspect these days.
(and i have to say, i can only be gleeful at the disappointment stephen harper must be feeling right about now – with stronach crossing the floor and all… does it matter? well, yeah, i’d rather not have an election this summer if you hadn’t noticed.)
Red Cedar 