Red Cedar

oh – i know, i promised to write days ago, and here it is thursday! already!

having been back for two whole days, sleeping in my bed for three whole nights in a row – i am starting to feel some normal again. now i have a couple of weeks at my desk scheduled before aaron comes and we head off on the 5-day canoe trip planned up the sechelt inlet. when i set out at the beginning of this summer, i had no idea how hectic things would get, and i’m glad that is coming to a close over the next month or so, despite the fact i have really enjoyed all the visitors and all the travelling.

so far it has been good, this being back in town. a fellow union rep and friend was in the office on tuesday and he brought me a whole frozen bull trout and a whole smoked chinook (cut into individual packets). of all the smoked fish he has given me over the years, this is by far the finest batch – and i shared some with my co-workers yesterday, much to their delight. this comes just in time for my sugar and wheat fast as it provides an extra treat for the me who wishes i could have a muffin for breakfast (bad sugar! bad wheat!). we had dinner together that evening which was also really great – although we were at union convention together, we really didn’t get much talk time in the pace of it all.

this morning i ran into rose, who i met several months ago and really wanted to get to know better but because of my own really demented head space at the time, never followed up. i got her number, and promised to call so we can at least play some music together. rose is the kind of woman who makes me wish i was more queer than not (like, i am just queer enough to be attracted to women, but not enough to give up sex with the opposite gender) – and i’m glad that she still seems interested in hanging out even though i flaked on following up when we first met.

also, since returning from the slocan, i have been exchanging emails with a guy who i might be interested in (or more to the point, might be intersted in me). we have vague plans to hang out on saturday – and in any case, i think it’s just good for me to make more friends on the coast now that i’ve decided i’m not moving back to east van. today actually marks a full year i have spent on the coast which i find hard to believe – but obviously i’m settled now with my own house and everything.

a big commitment for me after mid-september is to spend a lot more time on the sunshine coast and to take on less travelling other than that which is required for work and family obligations in the fall. i’m hoping that not only will that give me time for fixing up my house and making music, but also putting down more social roots where i live. i’m glad this busy time is coming to an end so i can focus a little more on where i actually am.

have returned from the slocan valley this evening. i am in one piece though tired from too much driving and sunshine. i am very thankful firetrap made the journey with me. without her i’m sure i would have driven the car off the road.

will post more shortly – but suffice to say – i am alive and soon to be well (after a good night’s sleep in my own bed!)

there is a type of hang-over at the end of a convention… part lack of sleep, part lack of attention… all the self-importance of the fancy hotel stay and possible electability gone, leaving a slight headache and vague sense of excess and abashment in its wake. did i do the right thing, did i say the wrong thing, did i drink too much, did i cross my ethical lines? whatever the cause, i am suffering from a short-tempered version of it today which is making me dread the drive into the interior later this afternoon.

i arrived home last night, did a load of laundry and then repacked the car. went to bed early of course (i was exhausted) but was awoken this morning at 4:30 by a large black bear who had pulled over my garbage can for an early morning meal. he didn’t make much of a mess – because most of what was in there was probably too putrid even for a hungry bear…. and it took all of a minute to clean up on my way out the door… but still, it made for a truncated sleep.

work has been somewhat busy the last two days, and i’ve decided to enroll in a three part union leadership course starting in december, so i’ve been pulling some stuff for that together as well (the deadline for enrollment is ages down the road, but i am afraid i will forget if i don’t do what i need to right now). as part of my application i have to write a 500 word essay on union leadership and what it means to me – piece of cake if i was even marginally on my game today.

anyhow – this is it from me for the next few days – my trip to the slocan valley shall be computerless and it’s unlikely i will blog before next tuesday. hopefully i will have some new pictures to share from the trip!

i get so far away from home at events like this – trapped in a hotel for three days stretched into infinity, free liquor and all the poor male behaviour that goes on with that – you lose perspective at convention, what with all day meetings and a lack of sober sleep so that every small slight becomes a federal case and you can see the meanness in people, the desparation for company, the need to be accepted.

and what of that need to be accepted? i certainly want to be part of the *in* clique in my union – while at the same time wanting nothing to do with the male-dominated power politics that seem to be de rigueur here. just to highlight how gender imbalanced it is – only one of our convention committees (which have between 8-10 members) as more than one woman on it. the room is a virtual sea of white faces, mostly male… and there are men who still laugh (though carefully, privately) when the issue of equal representation is brought up (“women aren’t interested in union politics in my workplace” i keep hearing)….

now of course there are other factors at play – 1) is that women can play the same shitty games as men, though they tend to do it in a different way and alcohol doesn’t play so great a part, and 2) there are of course some really excellent people here two – a couple from my region who i have gotten to know bit by bit and really am enjoying hanging out with (none of us are really involved in the power politicking… so that helps)

so it’s not all miserable – but it is alien to me… and the need to be *on* and upright and smiling and friendly every minute i interact with people (even people i can’t stand, or who are sliming me) – wears me out. being a shop stewart is about a million times better than being a union politician – but if i want to run for my local presidency next year (and i do) then this is what i have to do.

and now for my favourite line from the last couple of days (and why i love working with environmental workers…)
person 1 (pollution control specialist): without adequate legislation, how are you going to protect your groundwater supply from contaminants?
person 2 (hydrographer): simple – with a sniper rifle

🙂