Red Cedar

Wow. I am right in the middle of writing this article on the history of Canadian environmentalism and I’m captivated by it! Who knows what I’m going to say next? I sure don’t. But it’s one of the things I love about writing, once I get a basic idea in my head my subconcious does a lot of the work for me and my job really is to channel that and get it onto the page coherently. I have now got about 2000 words of a 3000 word piece, though I suspect some serious editing will be in order to keep it to length since there seems to be so much more to say.

So I’m going to be on track for my goal of finishing the article, but of course the novel has taken a backseat until that happens. I’m also right in the thick of it there, trying to figure out the final conflict/resolve that will take it to its close which is only about 15,000 words off I’m sure. That is really only fifteen more days of morning writing, or ten more days if I throw in a couple Saturday-afternoon sessions. It is going to happen, but perhaps not by February 28th.

I know these goals mean little to anyone except me, but I’m excited to keep myself to task in order to finish these various projects I’ve committed to and started. My next big committment is going to be to the garden which is calling to me in its muddy, trampled-upon state. Since the start of our studio project, all the lawn out back has been ground down to a muddy pulp! But I’m excited about that because I’ve got plans to re-seed it with a really nice true grass blend from West Coast seeds that my friend Kyla turned me on to.

The studio siding and sub-floor will be finished today and then we’re onto the interior finishing and the actual roof. I wish I had a picture to share here at work, but I don’t. Promise one by the end of the weekend so you can see what it’s going to look like. Brian and I are in the process of choosing what type of hottub and sauna will comprise the “spa” part of our backyard and wow is that ever going to be cool. By May 1st I estimate all the major work will be done, the hot tub will be in place, the grass will be regrowing and our lovely veggie boxes will be full of seeds and starts. That’s not so long away and this early sun is really making me feel spring’s potential. We were thinking for Brian’s birthday this year (and our one-year anniversary of being in the house) of having a studio/spa launch in the backyard. Probably not the free-for-all we had at our housewarming last year because our backyard has gotten more crowded since then! But definitely a good gathering in the offing to show off our hard work.

This weekend off to the island to visit my folks, next weekend Sunshine Coast cleanup and divestment of property. Wow. I thought these days would never come!

Brian’s finally blogging again and has articulated perfectly so much of what we have talked about in the last few days vis a vis diversity of tactics. I’m posting this here in the wake of borderline being called a traitor by someone in my own collective and feeling a bit at odds with where I’m going next with this whole activist journey I’ve been on for the past two decades…

I feel really good today, same goes for most of yesterday and Sunday too. Which is awesome because up until about then I’ve been feeling really crabby and upset for no particular reason at all. I was afraid I had another depression coming on, or otherwise would never be happy again. But it’s not so and I’m eating mints at my desk right now, basking in the enjoyment I just got from Brad Cran’s poem 2010 Handbook for Entering Canada. Go read it now so you can also be glad that Vancouver has a poet laureate who makes meaningful commentary.

I think that besides the poem, my new haircut and my new bicycle are helping out on the joy front. I like the way I look, and I have a sweet new ride at the same time! And somehow, the cycling is easier than I remember it being back when I used to ride to work every once and awhile (and was way out of shape). I’m learning all about the Vancouver greenway plan as a result of looking up bicycle outings I can take M. on in the spring and summer which is another cool offshoot of the bicycle – it’s something her and I can do together (along with B. of course!)

Our studio is coming along beautifully even though the yard is all churned up at the moment. The paperwork for the Gibsons house is signed off and my realtor offered to pay for a cleaner as a thanks for my business. That means no oven-scrubbing for me (thank-you very much) on the 28th.

And I have flowers to plant in the boxes out front and the sun is supposed to shine straight through the upcoming weekend. So that’s how I’m doing, despite my Olympic angst which I’m working to minimize as best as I possibly can (focus. focus on the positives….)

Brian pointed out to me the other day that I’ve been in a bit of a slump this past few weeks – and it’s really true – I have been. Fatigued, a bit depressed, irritable. And why? I’m not sure. Definitely it’s a little bit the weather. And the studio being built (while it’s exciting) gives me financial stress. Plus there’s the whole transfer of my Sunshine Coast house looming on the near horizon (will I ever be glad when that is done). I expect it’s all of these things combined with Brian taking a new job (starting March 1st) and just the generalized life stuff that happens around birthdays and winter greys.

I don’t think the Olympics + the city under occupation + all the arts and funding cuts are helping me feel better about things either.

On the other hand – I *have* been working on the novel again these past couple of weeks and am feeling good about that. I’m nearing 68,000 words and have to make a decision now about how I draw out the finality of a particular relationship – then I’m done the first draft (15,000 words or so to go maybe?)! Plus I can see an end to all the other stuff in the very near future. By the end of February the studio will be finished *and* the house transfer in Gibsons will be complete which will allow me to pay off a bunch of debts and the studio costs, thus alleviating my anxiety about putting all this stuff ont he credit card.

As one friend said to me recently – there is some comfort in knowing that in a year you won’t be worried about the stuff you are right now. New stuff will take its place, true. But the current worries are rarely around for more than a few months. And in this case it’s so obviously true. Meeting with the notary tomorrow, have the van all lined up for the end of the month’s moving chores, etc. It’s all in place. Right?

I should say that I had an excellent and relaxing birthday weekend and as soon as the rain stops I will take the bike given to me by Kyla and Will out of the basement and post a picture of it here. It’s super-awesome and I love it! I had good visits with friends and Brian made many wonderful meals and so as far as it went it was a perfect weekend which is why I’m kicking myself to still be in this slump!

But really, the malaise isn’t caused by my relationship or my friends – or even my work (which are all great at the moment)…. I think it really is a combination of other factors…. All of which will clear up shortly. I just have to keep reminding myself. Soon. Soon. Soon.