Post #3300: My word of the year is study

I’ve been intentionally quiet in this space for a few months while trying to decide whether or not to roll everything I write into a single Substack account, or keep both the blog and the newsletter going. For the last couple of months, I’ve posted in neither place — but in breaking my silence, I find its here I want to return first. This May will mark 20 years of writing here at Red-Cedar, which has been a chronicle of my life through many things. I have not been consistent in frequency of posting, but I have been constant in the sense of keeping this up over many years and experiences.

I will keep the newsletter also, but that feels a little less personal, a bit more formal and somewhat less about me than this space does. At some point soon I will resume writing there as well. I can feel it welling up inside of me.

It occurs to me that if you are anywhere in North America at the moment, you are probably freezing like I am. Although it’s warmed up considerably where I live, my studio doesn’t like anything below zero, and so I am very chilly in my workspace today despite the fact I am wearing lined jeans and a worsted-weight wool sweater. I just pulled on some fingerless mitts and a wool shawl in hopes that it helps my hands stay operational on the keyboard today. Thankfully, I see rain and six degrees in the forecast for later this week.

As the title of my post states, I have been working with a new word for this year. Last year my word/phrase was “making do” and it really served me well given all the things that came up and had to be dealt with, plus it gave me a focus on using what I have rather than purchasing new materials in the studio. I intend to keep making do this year, as it’s a good habit all round.

In order to choose my annual word, I open up the question inside myself in December without thinking about it too much – and let whatever comes guide me. Sometimes I try to wrestle the word or idea into shape, but mostly I just work with what appears. For 2024, the word that came to me while meditating one morning, was Study. At first I was curious about that. Study what? With whom? What does this word mean to me? And in that inquiry I realized how much I miss being a student with a program of study, a focus, a defined set of material to read and so on. I am always reading and absorbing and experimenting, but there is something about being a student that demands more commitment of the self to those activities. It also requires starting from the place of “I don’t know,” or even “I need help to know more.”

Now, I’m not in a position to go back to school, nor do I know what I would want another degree in, so that is not in the works for me. On the other hand, I have felt a deep pull towards Zen study in the last couple of months. I’m also really interested in learning more about colour as it applies to painting and textiles, as well continuing to learn to draw.

Thus, one of my big projects of the year will be studying the Shobogenzo, the seminal work of Soto Zen founder Eihei Dogen written in the 13th century. This will include reading key fascicles, as well as commentaries by modern teachers in the form of dharma talks and written articles. This is a huge undertaking, and not one that I will finish in a year, but it provides a point of departure for exploring the history and philosophy of the spiritual lineage in which I practice. Because Zen is embodied in practice more than it is studied, I will likely spend some time in the Zen practice house in Vancouver (Bring Stream) this year and will definitely do at least one residential retreat (if not two).

For the colour study, I am working on a weekly colour palette derived from photographs of moments in my day-to-day life. This helps me study colour theory, watercolour mixing, and brush technique. I have thus far produced three of these and am trying to figure out the format I like best for documenting them. I’m making two of each palette, one to go in my writing journal weekly, and one that will go in a final collection all together at the end of the year. As for the drawing, I have no real program for continuing to learn except for doing it regularly and using books and other tutorial material to help me figure it out.

My textile and community projects will, of course, continue this year, but I do have to eke some time out of those activities for the Shobogenzo study in particular (it’s time and mind-consuming). I expect that I will choose a new weave structure or technique to study this year once I see how the other study subjects are taking off. And in the fall I’ve got a music recording project planned with Brian that I need to put some real thought to as well.

Since there is no one to read my final papers, or test me on my study subjects, I expect I’ll be posting here instead. I do have Zen teachers who I will be talking to about the Zen stuff, but mostly I’m on my own for this year of self-directed study. So far it’s been strangely energizing. We’ll see how far that takes me before the feeling of hard work sets in.

Hope all of you reading have entered the new year with some grace and good cheer, and that it gets warmer wherever you are right quick!