Malaise.

Brian pointed out to me the other day that I’ve been in a bit of a slump this past few weeks – and it’s really true – I have been. Fatigued, a bit depressed, irritable. And why? I’m not sure. Definitely it’s a little bit the weather. And the studio being built (while it’s exciting) gives me financial stress. Plus there’s the whole transfer of my Sunshine Coast house looming on the near horizon (will I ever be glad when that is done). I expect it’s all of these things combined with Brian taking a new job (starting March 1st) and just the generalized life stuff that happens around birthdays and winter greys.

I don’t think the Olympics + the city under occupation + all the arts and funding cuts are helping me feel better about things either.

On the other hand – I *have* been working on the novel again these past couple of weeks and am feeling good about that. I’m nearing 68,000 words and have to make a decision now about how I draw out the finality of a particular relationship – then I’m done the first draft (15,000 words or so to go maybe?)! Plus I can see an end to all the other stuff in the very near future. By the end of February the studio will be finished *and* the house transfer in Gibsons will be complete which will allow me to pay off a bunch of debts and the studio costs, thus alleviating my anxiety about putting all this stuff ont he credit card.

As one friend said to me recently – there is some comfort in knowing that in a year you won’t be worried about the stuff you are right now. New stuff will take its place, true. But the current worries are rarely around for more than a few months. And in this case it’s so obviously true. Meeting with the notary tomorrow, have the van all lined up for the end of the month’s moving chores, etc. It’s all in place. Right?

I should say that I had an excellent and relaxing birthday weekend and as soon as the rain stops I will take the bike given to me by Kyla and Will out of the basement and post a picture of it here. It’s super-awesome and I love it! I had good visits with friends and Brian made many wonderful meals and so as far as it went it was a perfect weekend which is why I’m kicking myself to still be in this slump!

But really, the malaise isn’t caused by my relationship or my friends – or even my work (which are all great at the moment)…. I think it really is a combination of other factors…. All of which will clear up shortly. I just have to keep reminding myself. Soon. Soon. Soon.