A non-working kindof day.

I’m having a hard time getting down to work this morning – fuzzy-headed from staying out too late last night, clicking through Internet pages rapidly looking for inspiration of some sort. Goddamn if things didn’t end up exactly the same as they started. Not that I’m convinced it’s a bad thing for the NDP to have failed, for a victory last night would have meant four crappy years of floundering around for a policy platform followed by a real trouncing by the right in the next election. Four years of not being able to fight back against “our party” is four years too many of complacent plodding. Really, the voter turn-out says it all, when there is no difference between the two parties why bother?

So it was an excuse for drinks at the WISE which isn’t a bad outcome either way – B. and I haven’t been there once since moving a month ago. So much going on these days between family dramas and getting ourselves set up in the new house. Tomorrow is Brian’s birthday, Saturday our housewarming and his party, I’m trying to finish a story I’m writing, I’ve got plants to go in the garden… Etcetera etcetera. But I’m not complaining because this life is way more interesting than the thin politics offered by the electoral system – friends, family, creative life, digging in the dirt. Did I mention before that we are planning a small pond in our front yard? I think that’s way more intriguing than whether Carole James steps down as leader now.

My library experiment, incidentally, has been working wonders on my financial health – noted here because yesterday I took five landscaping books out – my impulse to purchase new books on a whim has pretty much ended with a constant stream of new books in the house to keep my interest. Still have a small budget for special things (local authors, small presses, poetry) and secondhand – but in the last month have purchased only one book for myself (Elizabeth Bachinsky’s new poetry collection God of Missed Connections). Brian has bought me a few small additions for the collection as well, so I’m feeling satiated on every literary level without spending my average $200-300 I would have spent this past month otherwise.

Besides that, I’m feeling a tad perplexed about my brother these days, stumbling ahead to getting married despite what seems to be a pretty miserable relationship. The wedding is in July and beyond showing up for the actual event I’m declining to participate in a situation that depresses me this much. It seems my brother and I had opposite reactions to our somewhat dysfunctional upbringing. I have tended to leave any relationship that shows signs of verbal/emotional abuse – where on the other hand my brother seems to believe there isn’t anything better out there because it’s all that we knew growing up. I’m hoping that I’ve read the relationship situation here incorrectly, but I doubt it. I have no idea what to do except hold my tongue and try to stay out of the choices of others.

Looking forward to warmer weather, camping trips and lots of down time this summer. That’s about the long and short of it. I don’t feel like working very much at the moment.