Hm.

I am really all bent out of shape this morning and I’m having a hard time understanding exactly why. Or, I suppose I have some idea about why but I’m surprised at the force of the emotions in me. I feel a bit PMS-irrational, except I’m not (PMS-ing that is, I may still be a little irrational). I’m feeling like life is just a little bit impossible at the moment.

Why? Because Brian and I are re-working schedules for the summer and his new child-care arrangements are going to be week-on/week-off which I had lobbied for so we could actually have the occasional weekend together. Problem is, it means that during his week-on we can’t spend any nights together because my presence in his home makes his ex (who lives upstairs) uncomfortable. And for some reason that prospect is making me unbearably sad despite the fact that Brian and I have lots of lovely things planned for the summer and his weeks-off will be mostly spent at my place.

I’m not sure if I am reacting mainly to the feeling of being an outsider in his life a great deal of the time because of his living situation, or to the trepidation I have about our new schedule for the next few months. But reacting I am.

I suppose it’s just growing pains – we’ve been through these a couple of times already as the relationship has moved from one phase to the next – and that the reality of a situation like ours is going to make that more difficult than it would otherwise be. Between his ex and my ex and his kid and my busy work schedule it gets tricky, you know?

But damn I don’t want to give up on this. So I suppose getting through the hard feelings and accepting the reality of this situation is the only option right now. Gah. Being emotionally mature about things is so difficult!