Timing.

In the middle of writing Darren’s letter of support for sentencing – a difficult emotional task if ever there was one – and boy-1 decides to confront me online about not getting “equal time” with me cause he’s upset about boy-2. Bad timing on his part. Needless to say it didn’t end well.

Oy. I know I’m being selfish, but after the last year I just don’t feel that I can take on anyone else’s insecurities at the moment. Is it an excuse? I’m not sure, but I know that the depth of this loss reveals itself to me in new and unexpected ways almost every day…. And it doesn’t seem to me that many people beyond my closest friends understand or take that seriously. I tried to warn the boy when he came online that I was out of emotional bandwidth this morning – but he just thought I was blowing him off.

So, since boy-2 is leaving town for a couple of weeks, I think I’ll just give it a bit of a rest and focus on my election at the the beginning of February. I need to catch up on my sleep and I’ve got a backlog of work and writing to do as well.

At least it all gave me an excuse to have a good cry this morning about Joe, Rebecca, Darren and Chelsea. Sometimes I just need to lose my shit for half an hour to purge all the toxic stuff clogging the emotional passageways.