Blessings and struggles.

The replies to my party invite keep rolling in – the latest from my favourite Chilean radical who promises to show with good wine – and I’m thinking that it’s going to be a wonderful homecoming. So far it seems that around 17 or 18 adults and 4 children will be attending… and I’m hoping I have enough cutlery for all the eating. I mapped out the menu and shopping list last night and I’m really looking forward to cooking for people again – it really has been ages since I’ve had such an event….. (and – oh nostalgia – it makes me wish that Darren could be here even more than the holidays coming up do).

December – you know, it’s such a difficult month – anniversary of Bob Everton’s death, anniversary of the arrests, anniversary of my marriage that fell apart, and now a lover ending things on top of all of it – seems that every December brings a new shitty memory…. So I’ve been distracting myself as best as possible. Spent yesterday wandering around Granville Island picking out locally-made xmas gifts for the family, today will be a grievance hearing I’m presenting at and then a bit more xmas and grocery shopping, tomorrow the party, Thursday the homebrew tasting contest and party at a friend’s, and Friday to Victoria. I really am just hoping that if I keep myself busy, and my eyes squeezed shut tight, this month will pass quickly and allow me to get on with my regularly-scheduled emotional stability.

It’s tight, this sadness pullling at the edges, but I’m lucky that I’ve got my life to plan and Darren’s life to support and all the other things that keep me busy enough not to dwell too long. At the moment I’m listening to an absolutely beautiful album of improvs on the piano music of Bach by Gabriela Montero and so glad to have been born to appreciate this as much as I do.

Alternating, I am, between counting the struggles and counting the blessings…. if I just click my heels three times can we get this month done?