i am so stronger than them.

after a few days of introspection and angst i managed today to rouse myself from the house and get some things done.

to recap: last week, the day after the post about my friends making me strong, darren received some devastating news about sentencing possibilities and passed that along to me. while i don’t want to say too much about it until we have confirmed some more things about possible new indictments, i can say it was some of the worst news since this whole thing blew in to our lives, and left me seriously incapable of dealing with the world. unfortunately i couldn’t just call in sick thursday because i had to come into the office to negotiate the resignation of an employee facing termination (the employer had let me know they would be willing to accept her resignation so she could get severance pay), and i only had 24 hours to get it done and the paperwork signed.

although i was able to keep it together through that, it seemed to me that a few days of leave might be in order and so i requested some medical leave for stress-related reasons. i’m lucky my boss supports me and knows my work is solid – she supported the request immediately. i asked for up to a week off but it seems today that i only needed friday and today, so will return to work tomorrow.

on friday night i gave the green scare talk at spartacus which went well – about 25 people attended and i managed to raise some funds for darren which helps. i mostly spoke without notes so i’m sure it rambled a little bit, but i also was able to answer a lot of questions people had about the nature of the charges etc. it’s very complicated with this many people and actions involved in a single court case – but because i know the case pretty well, i can speak pretty fluidly to the issues. i’m glad to have done it and am looking forward to more opportunities to speak on the case as things unfold.

hung out with some friends afterwards and then came home saturday morning – not feeling very social or balanced at all. ended up at a friend’s place in bonniebrook for dinner in the evening, and afterwards we went down to the beach in front of her place and built a bonfire and talked – both of which were excellent ways to spend such a clear and beautiful night. she is a new friend on the coast and a very cool person – plus she lives in a great place and likes beachfires…. i’m finally starting to have some regular friends up here.. despite my stupid schedule that has me gone half the time.

yesterday i spent being depressed and writing furious letters to farflung friends. talked to my lover online though, and that was nice. i’m pretty crushed out on him at the moment even though we don’t get to see each other too much (maybe that’s a good thing). he is turning out to be a wonderful friend also and i would have never expected that when we first hooked up last spring.

today was errands, and i cleared off the dead plants from my deck, potted some new ones and generally cleaned up out there. it’s almost spring and i need to get on the outdoor stuff (like planting my front bed) shortly. i’m staying in the city at least one night this week and have one other late night of meetings (back on the last ferry) before leaving for victoria on friday. as much as i feel rushed at the moment, i suspect being busy is helping me to get through.