the kind of day it is

yes, okay, it’s true. i feel guilty about posting the following account just after posting darren’s support update. but diversions are necessary, otherwise i’d be sitting in my house working non-stop on this stuff or staring at the wall in a depressive stupor. it’s incredibly alienating to be so far away from the people i most need to be close to in a time like this.

yesterday i went out and met a guy who responded to my craigslist posting at a local coffeeshop. he works as a log-scaler at the local sorting yard (which apparently is the biggest log-sort on the west coast – who knew?) – anyhow, beyond that he turned out to be a pretty decent conversationalist, and we spent a couple of hours chatting. i don’t really think he’s necessarily my type, so although i might see him again, i’m not too into progressing it into anything else.

i came home after the coffee, sent out a bunch of email and talked to a couple people on the phone (including my mother who is a little worried i’m going to get raided by the rcmp or lose my job because of darren – at least she seemed to accept my assurances that those are highly unlikely scenarios at this point). i had fixed it in my mind earlier in the day that i wanted to go bug my next door neighbours and see what they were up to, so around 8 o clock i knocked on the other side of the duplex and joined them for a night of pot-smoking and television watching (yup – exactly what i needed, i’ve been so wound up lately).

i left around midnight and stopped to have a smoke on my front step, whereupon one of the neighbours came and joined me. we talked for awhile and then he came in for another drink and a toke and well – you know how one thing leads to another (especially when you want it to). i’m not sure it’s such a good idea to shag your neighbour, except this one is moving out in a couple of weeks (he’s not the one whose shoulder i cried on, he’s the other one who has been sorta seeming interested in me for awhile). so yes, on top of the zoning out all evening, i got some extra release from the pressure that is threatening to collapse my body lately – and that has left me feeling more relaxed today than i have in a long time (i’m still clenching my jaw, but i’m doing it less).

twice yesterday i was called beautiful – by two different people. how odd given that i’m feeling anything but these days – but welcome to hear it.

my neighbour left around 4:30 in the morning and i fell asleep, but then was awakened at 7:30 by my friend david who needed a ride to the ferry (long story). i gave him hell for it, but agreed to get up and do it since it wasn’t that big a deal (and i was already fully awake from the phone calls). i came back home and went to sleep again from 9 until 1:30 this afternoon when i got up and made breakfast.

i have been working on support stuff the rest of the afternoon – just built a fire in the woodstove and finished a bowl of ice cream for dinner – that’s just the kindof day it is i guess but i’m feeling alright about it.